Neveah Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Hello all, I'll try and keep my story short. So my ex broke up with me a month ago and I was heartbroken, I still am but i do feel better as each day goes by, though I still do love him and miss him very much. I am still holding out hope that he will come back. We dated for a year and I must admit we did break up a couple of times due to his committment issues. A month ago he broke up with me again and this time it was final, he told me that he doesnt think that he loves me and cannot see a future for us. During the relationship he showed me a lot of love by actions, very affection, caring, attentive and very compassionate. So I was totally shocked when he told me he didnt love me and wanted it to end, he said I deserved to be free to find someone that can give me more than what he can offer right now. As heartbroken as I was, I accepted the break up. I pleaded a little on that day but after that I did not beg, plea or cry again in front of him. I have spoken to him a couple of times but as friends and I made sure I sounded normal and cheery, no emotions. Since 2 weeks ago I have been hearing from him more and more, practically every day, not phone calls but text messages, and it would be insignificant things like "how was the gym?" "whats for dinner tonight?" "how's you day?" I would always reply politely and I keep my replies short. Weekend just gone, I saw him. We went to another friend's house for dinner and he was invited. While we were there, he was acting very weird, like very playful, lots of banter, he would do things to get my attention, bite my arm, touch my leg etc... Afterwards my friend said that if she didnt know we had split up, she would think were are still together! Since then, he has still been in contact with the random SMS's. I would love to get back with him but I dont want to as he has already told me that he cant commit and cant see a future. I dont know what to do. I do get excited when I hear from him but it's for the wrong reasons. Why is he still doing this if he doesnt want to be with me? I know I said we can still be friends but I just dont understand why he keep doing this?? Can some help please? Any guys out there that can give a male perspective?? Thanks in advance. xx
Bobby289 Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 As much as I wish I could give you an answer there is none. Could want you back, maybe testing the water, or could be just tugging on the leash for fun. Just ask him, why do you keep texting me we aren't together. Stand up for yourself and just say you can't keep talking to him like this because it's not fair and keeping you from healing.
LSgirl Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 He COULD want you back, but it's still difficult to know. When I ran into my ex on Halloween, we flirted, he was touchy feely, we laughed, everything was great. 2 days later he sent me a gift/letter in the mail. I thought the letter was very apologetic, he opened up to me, I took it as a chance a second time around. I invited him over, turns out he didn't want to work at it again. No matter how friendly and nice he is, it's not something he wants. He, too, couldn't give me commitment. Broke up with me a few times for that same reason (we dated 10 months) and finally the last time was final. I begged for an hour after he broke up with me, and told myself right after I wouldn't. I didn't even cry when he rejected me when I offered him a 2nd chance. Only time will tell if he wants to get back with you. Since I last saw my ex, I haven't heard from him. He knows how I feel about him, told him I wanted a second chance, and the balls in his court. You should keep going NC. Let him text you if he wants, but dont give him the comfort of being his friend, let him miss you. It'll either make him realize what he truly lost. Unless u texts or calls you with something more direct or coherent I would ignore it. I would love to get back with my ex but I think he needs his space. This is proably final for me, and I have to accept it, but I'm blindly optimistic and still have false hope. Good luck to both of us!
Eddie Edirol Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 He is texting you because he wants to know youre ok with the breakup, so he doesnt have to feel guilty picturing you curled up in a ball in your home. He just wants some quick communication to know youre gonna be ok, but nothing more. He really shouldnt be doing this, its for his own selfish curiosity. But you might want to figure out if you were in a rebound relationship, since he never really committed to you. if thats the case, he definitly aint coming back to you. Dont be surprised if you see him with someone new soon.
MizHoney2U Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Or maybe he wants to make sure you haven't moved on so quickly. But make sure you go NC, if he wants it back let him realize he wants a commitment then work for it. Good luck and be well.
penshelly Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Maybe he want you to move easily, He still have a little bit of feeling for you because he don't want you to turn miserable because him, He still cares and concern for. Maybe he realize that he still love you!
Author Neveah Posted November 15, 2011 Author Posted November 15, 2011 He COULD want you back, but it's still difficult to know. When I ran into my ex on Halloween, we flirted, he was touchy feely, we laughed, everything was great. 2 days later he sent me a gift/letter in the mail. I thought the letter was very apologetic, he opened up to me, I took it as a chance a second time around. I invited him over, turns out he didn't want to work at it again. No matter how friendly and nice he is, it's not something he wants. He, too, couldn't give me commitment. Broke up with me a few times for that same reason (we dated 10 months) and finally the last time was final. I begged for an hour after he broke up with me, and told myself right after I wouldn't. I didn't even cry when he rejected me when I offered him a 2nd chance. Only time will tell if he wants to get back with you. Since I last saw my ex, I haven't heard from him. He knows how I feel about him, told him I wanted a second chance, and the balls in his court. You should keep going NC. Let him text you if he wants, but dont give him the comfort of being his friend, let him miss you. It'll either make him realize what he truly lost. Unless u texts or calls you with something more direct or coherent I would ignore it. I would love to get back with my ex but I think he needs his space. This is proably final for me, and I have to accept it, but I'm blindly optimistic and still have false hope. Good luck to both of us! Thank you guys for all your replies. I still cannot work out what he wants, I deep down believe that he just wants to be friends and to make sure I am ok and that I do not hate him. I don't hate him at all, we had a solid friendship foundation for 3 years before we took the next step. We've been there for each other through thick and thin, so I really do miss him as my friend. I've accepted the break up and have decided to move forward. No point looking back when a guy tells you that he does not love you and does not see a future. I still hear from him, but I know that if he really wanted me, he would say so. I am not holding out hope. I think that is the best way to be, have no hope and move forward. LSgirl - I'm so sorry to hear that you are in a similar situation. I know how you feel and sometimes you cant help but wonder what's wrong with you, why cant a man commit to you? I'm sure you've been a good girlfriend and you were good to him, just like I was with my ex. We must stop blaming ourselves as there is absolutely nothing wrong with us, it just wasn't right and something was missing for them. If we have been nothing but good to them, sure they will miss us later down the line when all they have of us are fond memories. In the meantime, work on yourself and know you you have tried your best, and you walk away with your head held high. Peace and love
LSgirl Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 Have you read my "Dumper sent me a letter in the mail" thread? He's reached out to me a few times. Tonight we're supposed to meet up so we'll see where it goes. I was a very good gf to him, and I know he knows this. But like you said, there must have been something missing for them and couldn't commit. I'm curious to see what he wants to see tonight, it's just a coffee date.
Author Neveah Posted November 15, 2011 Author Posted November 15, 2011 Have you read my "Dumper sent me a letter in the mail" thread? He's reached out to me a few times. Tonight we're supposed to meet up so we'll see where it goes. I was a very good gf to him, and I know he knows this. But like you said, there must have been something missing for them and couldn't commit. I'm curious to see what he wants to see tonight, it's just a coffee date. I havent read your thread yet but i will after this reply. Good luck tonight and I hope it goes well. The thing is, they know we have been nothing but good to them, hence they keep coming back or it is probably harder to let go. You said your ex have broken up with you a couple of times, thats the same with mine, I know I have tried my best because i have been nothing but nice to him, cared for him and love him, but I think its a timing issue where I am ready to settle down but he isn't, he is 4 years my junior. As much as I love him, I know I cannot force those feelings to be returned. Maybe time apart will tell, I dont know. Anyway, please do let us know how it goes with meeting your ex tonight and good luck!
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