2sunny Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 he should pay his own earnings - he should pay his back support amount. any other amount owing should be paid by his exW. if she can't pay it or afford it - she should move. it isn't one bit your responsibility. tell him he has NO RIGHT to your money or a free ride. why aren't YOU requiring HIM to pay YOU rent and expenses?
ErgoStep Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 The situation is out of whack. If the ex is on the verge of homelessness, she needs to move in with her parents. It's an emergency situation, and that is the appropriate move. Your boyfriend is enabling them to stay in an unstable situation. It won't be stable until the ex has a place she can sustainably live. Which means a place with lower rent, or free. Usually the parents.
xxoo Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Update: Now he is going to ask his boss for an advance to cover her rent. So basically I'm back to supporting him again. Yep. But only if you choose to do so. At least ask him for their long-term plan. How do they (he and his ex) plan to support their children longterm, and themselves, without your help.
PlumPrincess Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 I have been in a relationship for the past year and a half with someone who has children from a previous marriage. The children are 10 and 12 and live with their mother in another town. The ex wife called and told my boyfriend that she is two months behind on rent and will be getting thrown out of the house if she doesn't come up with $1200 fast. My boyfriend just started working after I have supported him this entire time and doesn't have any money to give to her. Because of the economy being bad I am unemployed at this time, however I have a substantial amount of money in my savings which is and has been supporting us. I have never been married before or co mingled funds with someone so I don't know if I am correct in feeling the way that I am. But I feel that if what he and I are bringing home financially cannot help her than we can't afford to help her. I don't feel that I should have to take out of my savings to support someone who doesn't even try to help support herself. My boyfriend looks at it like we are a couple and any money I have he should have control of too. My remedy to the problem is rather than my supporting two households if they are loosing their home and she refuses to even to try to look for a job to help support herself, the children should come and live with us. Help! There's this thread where I once replied to: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t301482/ I recommend that you read it thoroughly, it's quite enlightening.
PlumPrincess Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 When I explained how I felt about the situation to my boyfriend and that I wasn't willing to financially support another household with the money that took me years to save, I told him that I could only offer the children coming to live with us. His response to the idea was, "but the children don't do well with change". (they currently live 2 hrs away, so it would mean changing schools etc) and "I don't want them turned against their mother". First of all, I don't see where the children have a choice in the matter if it is in their best interest. Secondly. I never said anything about turning the children against their mother. I am offering a solution to the problem. So as I am sure you can guess, it is a little tense right now between us. The gall to ask you to use your savings to support his ex-wife and kids. They are his responsibility, not yours.
Mircea Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 OP, i think you are a good person getting taken for a ride by 2 ppl who should have been denied the right to procreate. His ex sounds like she uses the kids for cash if she doesn't want to get a job. And for him, it sounds like he is some bullsheet gigolo who uses you to pay for him. I think you should count your lucky stars he said to your face that your funds are his, you received a preview of what your married life would be like. This is bull**** as it was earned pre-relationship and deffinitely pre-marriage. As someone stated, the reason he is showering you with attention is because he has the time and his survival is at risk (you ask no rent ???). But if you want to proceed with a marriage, this is what i think you should do : 1 - prenup, in front of a judge and wait for 1yr before getting married. This is non-negociable. 2 - do not cosign anything with him, no joint accounts, no loans for anything. His money is his money and your money is your money. Obviously you do support each other, but at least he won't get his hands on your stuff. Keep in mind that you can divorce at a later date, but you can't divorce debts, and it's a shame because you sound like someone who is very fiscally responsible ... which i hear is a rarity in the US nowadays. Imho, this man is not good enough to be a father or husband ... in fact he doesn't sound like much of a man ... more like a prostitute. PS: I remember reading something very smart on LS before i joined. "Men get married thinking women won't change. Women get married thinking men will change."
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