stillhurt Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Hi Everyone, I am just having one of those days where it feels like the disappointment and loss will never go away. My break-up was so 9 months ago and it was a messy recovery process of constant breaking of NC. Anyway, now I have been NC for almost a month. And, like many of you know, when you break NC and start again, the feeling of being dumped and unwanted comes back in full swing. Just rambling and feeling super low today. I feel no need to reach out to him or anything. Just really depressed all week.
ChelseaLS Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Hi Everyone, I am just having one of those days where it feels like the disappointment and loss will never go away. My break-up was so 9 months ago and it was a messy recovery process of constant breaking of NC. Anyway, now I have been NC for almost a month. And, like many of you know, when you break NC and start again, the feeling of being dumped and unwanted comes back in full swing. Just rambling and feeling super low today. I feel no need to reach out to him or anything. Just really depressed all week. Remind yourself how far you have come. Remember how incredibly horrible it felt 9 months ago and how great even when having a crappy day, you are doing. Look in the mirror and tell yourself: I am strong and confident and beautiful.. I am succeeding.
geegirl Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Hi Everyone, I am just having one of those days where it feels like the disappointment and loss will never go away. My break-up was so 9 months ago and it was a messy recovery process of constant breaking of NC. Anyway, now I have been NC for almost a month. And, like many of you know, when you break NC and start again, the feeling of being dumped and unwanted comes back in full swing. Just rambling and feeling super low today. I feel no need to reach out to him or anything. Just really depressed all week. It's only been a month so it's normal to feel this way, especially the ups and downs. One day you're feeling happy with life and that you got rid of him and the next you feel like the world is caving in. It will come in waves. When it comes, feel it and it will pass. It always does. Pamper yourself. Go and get your nails done. Go out for a walk. Take a drive. Indulge in a favorite restaurant. Go to the park. Do something that makes you feel good. Try to be around people. Don't stay cooped up at home too much.
KathyM Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Hi Everyone, I am just having one of those days where it feels like the disappointment and loss will never go away. My break-up was so 9 months ago and it was a messy recovery process of constant breaking of NC. Anyway, now I have been NC for almost a month. And, like many of you know, when you break NC and start again, the feeling of being dumped and unwanted comes back in full swing. Just rambling and feeling super low today. I feel no need to reach out to him or anything. Just really depressed all week. I'd like to suggest that, at the times you are feeling low and missing your past relationship, you make the effort to do one thing to improve your situation--whether that be relationshipwise, or some other form of self improvement. Something to take your mind off of your loss and put your energy into something productive. Maybe you might spend that time registering for a class you might be interested in. Or making an appointment for a makeover or a hair appointment. Maybe spend that time on going to the gym or going for a walk or run. The point is to turn that negative energy and negative feelings into a positive, and redirecting it into something productive that will benefit you. I call it funneling negative energy into something positive. Try it, it might help. You may want to even make a list of things/projects you'd like to try or do, and when you feel that negative energy coming on, you go to that list and do something towards accomplishing a goal on that list. That would be my suggestion.
Author stillhurt Posted November 9, 2011 Author Posted November 9, 2011 Thank you. I have been sitting at my office desk...and couldn't resist...looked at his last email to me almost 3 weeks ago. In the email, he tells me that this is something I have to do on my own...after he has used me and made me reveal my true feelings for him. He wrote that he has nothing but good thoughts for me. That he has decided to move on and that we are not right for each other. It angers me to think about his words and how he had all the power. He was the one to reach out and play with all my feelings and then turn around and say...whoops...nope...still don't want you. Why would you ever do that to someone you ever truly cared about? It's so hurtful and selfish. I truly wish I had the guts and the sense to see that he never felt the same for me as I did for him. It's painful to realize the truth. I hate how he thinks he is being a "teacher" of some sort to me. I wish I can tell him to go screw himself and get over himself. I am finally getting rid of everything that reminds me of him. I even removed his family from FB so I won't be tempted to look anymore, sold his gifts to me, but still feel like a big unwanted loser today.
Author stillhurt Posted November 9, 2011 Author Posted November 9, 2011 I know everyone suggests that I try new things. And trust me, I have done sooo much in that department. I lost 20 LBS, running, yoga, took a photography class, now a painting class, and am also going out a lot with people. But, it seems like this feeling just won't leave. I honestly don't get it. All the advice says that doing these things will help, and it has, but not enough to make these waves stop. Other than sleeping, I have kept myself busy almost every second of the day for the last 9 months...and I am a little exhausted.
ChelseaLS Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 I know everyone suggests that I try new things. And trust me, I have done sooo much in that department. I lost 20 LBS, running, yoga, took a photography class, now a painting class, and am also going out a lot with people. But, it seems like this feeling just won't leave. I honestly don't get it. All the advice says that doing these things will help, and it has, but not enough to make these waves stop. Other than sleeping, I have kept myself busy almost every second of the day for the last 9 months...and I am a little exhausted. I believe in keeping busy, but I also believe you have to deal with your emotions and feelings too. So I leave time in my day (not everyday per se), to go through what happened... where we were, why we ended, and how far I have come since then.
KathyM Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 I know everyone suggests that I try new things. And trust me, I have done sooo much in that department. I lost 20 LBS, running, yoga, took a photography class, now a painting class, and am also going out a lot with people. But, it seems like this feeling just won't leave. I honestly don't get it. All the advice says that doing these things will help, and it has, but not enough to make these waves stop. Other than sleeping, I have kept myself busy almost every second of the day for the last 9 months...and I am a little exhausted. You just have to keep redirecting the negative feelings into the positive. Eventually, the negative will lessen. I know it's been nine months, but sometimes it takes quite a while for the strong feelings to subside. Redirect, and keep redirecting, and you will eventually get past it. It doesn't have to be redirected to something that takes a lot of energy. Just anything positive will do. Paint your nails, read something inspiring, write down some positive thoughts. I would also like to suggest that you consider volunteering for something--such as helping out at an animal shelter, or something that would help you to be a part of helping others. That would get some of the focus off of your own situation and onto something that you can feel good about.
geegirl Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 (edited) I have kept myself busy almost every second of the day for the last 9 months...and I am a little exhausted. But those 9 months were spent breaking NC, going back to him and putting yourself on a rollercoaster. If you spent those 9 months with complete and strict NC and focusing on you and no one else, you would have been far better off. This is why breaking NC makes it even worse. Really, you're starting all over again with this one month of NC. This time you have to stick to it to make it work for you. Edited November 9, 2011 by geegirl
maxy1 Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 i'm having a similar day to yours. don't feel alone or unwanted, you aren't alone in the way you feel. i don't really have a whole lot of advice because i am brand spankin new to this whole being dumped thing, but it seems like you have received a lot of good advice already. i guess what i just wanted to say is just that you are not alone. my ex also is the one playing the whole "teacher" bull****. don't let that get to you and mess with your head, nobody is perfect and nobody should be able to have control over your life but you! if you're exhausted, get some rest. but don't sleep TOO much because it can actually make you feel worse. stay strong and i really really hope your day gets better!
Author stillhurt Posted November 9, 2011 Author Posted November 9, 2011 Again, thank you all. I know I just have to bear it until it all passes. And, Gee Girl...as always...you are right. I know that if I had been strong and maintained NC I would be in a much better place. But, instead I let him string me along...and use me..over and over again...all the while thinking that he actually cared. I let every drunk dial, every text affect and delude me from seeing the truth. There are really no words to describe how foolish I feel when I look back at my actions. I read an email I sent to him awhile ago, and I was so pathetic in the email it made me cry. In it I stated how I knew he did not want me and that I was the foolish one holding on and how he treated me as a backup/hookup. It reeked of a wounded and broken person. That always reminds me that I will never again let him see how much he hurt me and affected me. I want to be strong enough to never respond to him ever again. I know he most likely won't now that he's been exposed and knows how I see him. But, I still hope I have the power to never ever reply to any of his BS if he were to ever reach out. That scares me more than anything else. Knowing that I have been weak before scares me.
Author stillhurt Posted November 9, 2011 Author Posted November 9, 2011 It's a real self-esteem blaster when your ex continuously chooses someone over you. My confidence has really taken a beating. This is someone whom I thought would never leave me and desert me, but has done so in the most hurtful manner. By choosing someone else, over and over. That sucks and it hurts. Alright, obviously, I am having my own pity party today.
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