colliejoanie Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 I'm making a very long story short. I fell for a guy who is my ex husband's friend. He pursued me for months, with my ex's blessing.....I finally was convinced it wouldn't end up in shambles.....so we started dating. We talked daily, making future plans, we saw each other infrequently because of our schedules. He knew my daughter before he knew me and they had a great relationship. In the month and a half we dated, we never had sex. We fooled around quite a bit, and even planned our first sleep over.....then all heck broke loose. I'm making this extremely short, but I screwed up......twice. Once, I thought he was lying to me about having to work instead of seeing me (my stupid insecurities, I could kick myself). Second, I told my ex something the new guy had told me in confidence. Both things were horrible, and I know how wrong I was. I've apologized profusely. After the first incident - I took total responsibility, and he was ready to work on us, and then the second thing happened. (my ex was trying to get out of paying child support yet again, and I let him know that I was aware of him still gambling - only the new guy would have known that). So, it all blew up! Completely my fault. But new guy keeps randomly texting! he won't forgive me. He keeps bringing all this up, saying he thought I was different, I hurt him, I broke a promise, I just have to understand he can't forgive right now. etc. etc. I have beat myself up already, and am now OVER it! I reallly wish all this hadn't happened because I really like new guy. i miss him terribly! But, why is he continuing to contact me if all it is is to say hi, or to remind me what I did wrong???
Emilia Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Because he is a manchild who can't contain his anger and has to unleash it on you. He can't forgive and he can't forget. He keeps texting you because he doesn't have a mature way of dealing with the fall out. I know you like him and what you did was obviously wrong but imagine how this guy handles conflicts.
Author colliejoanie Posted November 9, 2011 Author Posted November 9, 2011 Yes, I think so too. At first (the first incident was a month ago) I felt so much guilt that I accepted his reactions.....then the second thing happened and I KNEW it was over......faced my consequences. Now, I look back and think......he could have reacted so much differently.....instead of making me feel worse, and giving me the silent treatment, we should have talked about it.......unless he was completely DONE. If so, fine......but this calling and texting like clockwork after three days of silence just to say hi.......or to say he misses me.......its feeling really childish. The stupid girl in me thinks "oh, he misses me, he wants to talk. I should call him back". So, I reply......and then he goes MIA for three days again. I need to kick the stupid girl out.
Anela Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 (edited) ..................................... Edited November 9, 2011 by Anela
Author colliejoanie Posted November 9, 2011 Author Posted November 9, 2011 Of course, I'm sitting here wondering if I should text him. He texted me a couple of hours ago. I let him know yesterday when he asked how we were that my daughter and I were both home sick with pink eye. So 18 hours later he replies....."i'm sorry". Should I even respond??? Just leave it be and pray he goes away???? Why did he even respond if he doesn't want anything??? ARRRRGHHHH!!!
azsinglegal Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 He's contacting you because he didn't hit it yet. He still wants to even if he doesn't want a relationship anymore. Move on.
InJest Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 (edited) Tell him not to contact you unless he's forgiven you and wants to make up, then stop responding to anything but that. Personally, I think you should just ignore all further contact from him. Edited November 9, 2011 by InJest
twister4 Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Tell him if he cannot stop bringing up your mistake, to stop contacting you. You know you did wrong, blah, blah, blah but you do not need to keep hearing about it. On the other hand, he must have enjoyed your company. He needs to forgive and forget if he wants to continue.
Author colliejoanie Posted November 9, 2011 Author Posted November 9, 2011 Yes, what I SHOULD do is ignore.......I do that easily if I have no feelings.....alas.... So, I think I'll CALL him and leave a message because I'm sure he won't answer, and just be painfully honest. "look, I still have feelings for you, and every time you randomly contact me, it throws my feelings back up in my face. So, unless you want to talk about this - us, please don't contact me.......when my feelings have gone away I'll be able to be friends....but right now, I can't Just be friends with you".
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