Is it normal for a late 20s (almost 30 year old) woman to have never gone on a date?

[DollWelch]

Exactly as the title says. A woman who has never dated or been in a serious relationship.

 

What factors would contribute to this, and does that mean there is something wrong with her?

 

I want to hear your thoughts/ideas/feedback.

[jobaba]

Exactly as the title says. A woman who has never dated or been in a serious relationship.

 

What factors would contribute to this, and does that mean there is something wrong with her?

 

I want to hear your thoughts/ideas/feedback.

 

1) Do men approach you and ask you out? If they do, then accept offers and be less picky. If not, then...

 

2) Do you put yourself out there? Go out and meet people and interact with people at work/school/events? If not, then do that and be accessible and friendly. If yes, then...

 

3) You are probably not the most attractive woman, which is fine. There are guys who will still be interested (me, for instance ). Just work on your body as best you can, try and dress nice. Interact with lots of guys and eventually one will ask you out.

[Mrlonelyone]

It depends.

 

There is an element of chance to dating. The frequency of dating will follow a sort of bell curve. There will be some people at the top of the curve who have TONS of dates, and some people at the bottom who have very few if any.

 

"Normal" really just means being with the herd in the fat part of that bell shaped curve. Normal is being in that 68.2% of the population that is near the average.

 

My advice to such a person, on either end of the curve is to embrace not being part of the herd.

[insertnamehere]

No. It's far off to the low-end of the graph.

 

So ends another edition of Easy Answers to Easy Questions. Tune in next week when we tackle "My Boyfriend Sure Likes Being with Young Boys a Lot, Is That Normal?"

[Anela]

It isn't considered to be so, but she may just be shy or not have met someone who brings out those strong feelings that would help bypass the shyness.

[DollWelch]

Thank you all for the feedback.

 

The woman in the OP is not me, but rather a female friend of mine. I have been trying my best to be supportive of her, and give her the best possible advice. However, I don't know how to do so.

 

She's definiately different. Her intelligent and attractiveness intimidate men, and on top of that, she's very picky (Probably why it's tough, considering I see myself in her due to these qualities being mutual). So yes, a deadly combination. Hahha.

 

What should I suggest she do? I'm hoping in time she'll be less rigid in her ways and standards, and perhaps give men a chance (at least the ones that don't necessarily meet her grade A expectations).

[Wolf18]

That is actually pretty crazy. Even the women with the most rigid, anal standards end up finding what their looking for by 30.

 

I was ready to come into this thread with a sympathetic ear (perhaps a girl that is horribly disfigured), only to find out it's just another bad case of Ice Princess syndrome.

[crosswordfiend]

She's definiately different. Her intelligent and attractiveness intimidate men, and on top of that, she's very picky (Probably why it's tough, considering I see myself in her due to these qualities being mutual). So yes, a deadly combination. Hahha.

 

If your friend is as you described, then she is not normal and so any answer to your question won't make a great deal of sense.

 

Does your friend meet and interact with lots of men, but turns down dates because she doesn't think they would be a good match, or does she not get asked out in the first place? Two very different situations.

 

Beauty and intelligence together are uncommon but unlikely to be at the heart of the problem. Rather, I find that the more sophisticated you get, the more difficult it becomes to find a partner that you can relate to - even more so for women as they tend to marry up. The only thing that would make it even harder for her would be if she came from an affluent background...

[thatone]

 

What should I suggest she do? I'm hoping in time she'll be less rigid in her ways and standards, and perhaps give men a chance (at least the ones that don't necessarily meet her grade A expectations).

 

tell her to grow up.

 

No. It's far off to the low-end of the graph.

 

So ends another edition of Easy Answers to Easy Questions. Tune in next week when we tackle "My Boyfriend Sure Likes Being with Young Boys a Lot, Is That Normal?"

 

haha

 

only if he's a penn state football coach.

[LynnieBear]

Thank you all for the feedback.

 

The woman in the OP is not me, but rather a female friend of mine. I have been trying my best to be supportive of her, and give her the best possible advice. However, I don't know how to do so.

 

She's definiately different. Her intelligent and attractiveness intimidate men, and on top of that, she's very picky (Probably why it's tough, considering I see myself in her due to these qualities being mutual). So yes, a deadly combination. Hahha.

 

What should I suggest she do? I'm hoping in time she'll be less rigid in her ways and standards, and perhaps give men a chance (at least the ones that don't necessarily meet her grade A expectations).

 

Ummm, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were talking about me, OP!! haha except I have dated in the past, it's just that, after going on so many dates with grade B or C men, you come to a point where you really want to fall in love with a grade A, or rather, your (my in this instance) grade A man for me...

 

I'm just ready for my soul mate, my one and only etc and if they don't pass my grading system, I'm not even wasting my time.

 

I guess I'm done dating and want to move on to bigger and better men... err... things... wait no, ... men was right... hahah (jk) i'm joking again

[LynnieBear]

If your friend is as you described, then she is not normal and so any answer to your question won't make a great deal of sense.

 

Does your friend meet and interact with lots of men, but turns down dates because she doesn't think they would be a good match, or does she not get asked out in the first place? Two very different situations.

 

Beauty and intelligence together are uncommon but unlikely to be at the heart of the problem. Rather, I find that the more sophisticated you get, the more difficult it becomes to find a partner that you can relate to - even more so for women as they tend to marry up. The only thing that would make it even harder for her would be if she came from an affluent background...

 

Beauty and intelligence are uncommon?

 

Are you living on the same planet, with the same women, as I am?

[threebyfate]

Thank you all for the feedback.

 

The woman in the OP is not me, but rather a female friend of mine. I have been trying my best to be supportive of her, and give her the best possible advice. However, I don't know how to do so.

Has she honestly expressed a lot of unhappiness about being alone and is looking for advice or is she just looking for someone to express her frustration to? You might want to ask her prior to proceeding further.

 

She's definiately different. Her intelligent and attractiveness intimidate men, and on top of that, she's very picky (Probably why it's tough, considering I see myself in her due to these qualities being mutual). So yes, a deadly combination. Hahha.

A combination of intelligence and attractiveness rarely intimidates men. If anything, this combination usually ends up with men throwing themselves against the wall just to see who might stick.

 

What should I suggest she do? I'm hoping in time she'll be less rigid in her ways and standards, and perhaps give men a chance (at least the ones that don't necessarily meet her grade A expectations).

As expressed above, find out if she's honestly looking for advice or solely an ear.

[The Way I Am]

A combination of intelligence and attractiveness rarely intimidates men. If anything, this combination usually ends up with men throwing themselves against the wall just to see who might stick.

 

Some women like to shove intelligence in men's faces and enjoy making men feel stupid. (I think those women do it because they're insecure about whether they really are intelligent.) Those types of women do intimidate men.

 

While I can't say I've never made a man feel stupid, I don't usually do it intentionally. I agree with you. I've never had a problem getting a date due to men being too intimidated.

[crosswordfiend]

Beauty and intelligence are uncommon?

 

Are you living on the same planet, with the same women, as I am?

 

Most of the people who self-describe as intelligent aren't really all that smart, or interesting for that matter.

[monkey00]

I've always noticed the ones who are inexperienced tend to be picky. It's a vicious cycle where one reinforces the other. Maybe when she gets older and loses her looks, she'll decide to settle with someone that treats her nice.

 

I don't think there's anything you can do for her, she has to make the choice herself...it's her life after all.

[Pierre]

Thank you all for the feedback.

 

The woman in the OP is not me, but rather a female friend of mine. I have been trying my best to be supportive of her, and give her the best possible advice. However, I don't know how to do so.

 

She's definiately different. Her intelligent and attractiveness intimidate men, and on top of that, she's very picky (Probably why it's tough, considering I see myself in her due to these qualities being mutual). So yes, a deadly combination. Hahha.

 

What should I suggest she do? I'm hoping in time she'll be less rigid in her ways and standards, and perhaps give men a chance (at least the ones that don't necessarily meet her grade A expectations).

 

 

My mother got married at age 30 and only had two BFs before that. She was extremely picky and waited till the right man came along. Her motto was she rather be an old maid than to marry a loser.

 

She was extremely attractive, but would not date a lot. She was into academics.

 

When i was in college the most serious brainy women going into med school or engineering had not dated at all. Some were very hot, but too smart to pay attention to the stuff men do when they are young and ignorant. Most of these women did not date much and simply waited for the right man to come along. These women were not abnormal at all.

[DearAbby]

Not normal at all. Almost weird. Definitely something wrong there mentally. Doesn't mean mental problems but something is off. The things that would go through my head are that she is a Lesbian or she had something extremely bad happen in her childhood. Perhaps, she is just super religious, but even then, something is very off.

[Oxy Moronovich]

It's actually more common than people think. In small towns across the U.S. and Canada, there are women who can count the number of boyfriends they've had on one hand. Since the U.S. and Canada are mainly made up of small towns, that's a crapload of women.

 

Just like men, women will exaggerate or outright lie about how much dating experience they have. Why? Few people are willing to take the social stigma of people knowing you've dated little.

 

I don't know if this helps your friend but the majority of people who say they have a lot of experience dating actually have quite little experience.

[Ross MwcFan]

It's not normal, and therefore I would say there is something wrong with her.

[FitChick]

Some people are late bloomers.

[Lurker1983]

Here are contributing factors that I could think of

 

1) Strict family upbringing. There are Muslim, East Indian, Orthodox Jewish, and even Christian families that don't allow dating. A woman that has had too many boyfriends is viewed negatively in these cultures and can have a hard time marrying.

 

2) Mental health issues, such as massive social anxiety, agoraphobia or body image issues that result in poor confidence

 

3) Controlling parents that want to keep their adult child to themselves. The parent sees a significant other as a threat.

 

4) Fear of intimacy. If your parents were divorced or always fighting, maybe the person is too scared to go on a date and fall in love.

 

I don't think it's as uncommon as people think. My good friend didn't date until she hit 30. She was obese, and started to date when she got thin. Now, she's a slim and athletic woman that kicks ass in triathlons.

[Lurker1983]

Thank you all for the feedback.

 

The woman in the OP is not me, but rather a female friend of mine. I have been trying my best to be supportive of her, and give her the best possible advice. However, I don't know how to do so.

 

She's definiately different. Her intelligent and attractiveness intimidate men, and on top of that, she's very picky (Probably why it's tough, considering I see myself in her due to these qualities being mutual). So yes, a deadly combination. Hahha.

 

What should I suggest she do? I'm hoping in time she'll be less rigid in her ways and standards, and perhaps give men a chance (at least the ones that don't necessarily meet her grade A expectations).

 

 

I didn't read this, but pickiness can be a fear of intimacy or being unhappy with oneself as well. Relationships make us vulnerable and there's no guarantee that it will work out. Our pickiness is our way of avoiding that.

 

I know, because I used to be like that haha.