HappyFlower Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 that you're not actually 'dealing' with it? Or the way you're coping with it is somehow not right? I'm on 15 days NC (just over 2 months broken up): LC for 6 weeks, all iniciated by me (dumpee). Emotional, asking for 2nd chance, a few angry, etc. Not more than once a week. He answered politely, said he 'didn't mind' me texting, because he wanted friendship & 'maybe more in the future'. Thats not my issue. Its that 2 weeks ago he said something - it was hurtful and what I think is out of character for him, but not offensive or malicious. I just didn't reply...and haven't text since. Just like that. I've had no 'need' or want to text him again. I had defriended him on FB the day he left for my own benefit (which I later learned had annoyed him)...after the last text I calmly blocked him & his family, deleted his number, email etc. and have had no inclination at all to look at any of them. Do I still think about him, and us? Of course. It alternates between the affectionate times, and hurtful times. But I don't get sad or cry. Just thoughtful. Do I want him back. Possibly...but I think I want him back as the person he used to be. Do I think of who he's with/what he's doing etc. Honestly? No. And that surprises me, alot. I used to worry about who he was with all the time when we were together. Now, nothing. I have no wish to go on FB and see what he's doing. And thinking about doing that doesn't worry me. Do I want to hear from him? Maybe. I'm honeslty not sure what I'd do if he text. I expected it to be much harder than it actually is. The relationship lasted a year. Maybe I'm jumping the gun, but I'm waiting for the REALLY bad times. And they're not coming. Is that weird?
LSgirl Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Sometimes I don't think I'm going about it the right away, that I'm just going through the motions of NC but not really accepting that it's fully over. Day 3 of NC (broke up Oct 22) Do I wish he came back to me? Yes Do I want him to contact me? Maybe, not sure on this one, it would probably set me back but I would still like to hear from him Can I just be friends with him? Definitely not Do I wish I could meet somebody else and forget about him? YES, but im so picky, before him I was single for 2 years. I keep telling myself I accept that it's over, but somewhere in my head, I wait for him to contact me to tell me he made a mistake.
Popehappycat Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 How we feel and how quickly we get over bits and pieces is different for us all. I'm glad you were able to overcome some situations that can still cause emotional distress for others. I never really thought about what my ex was up to, but during that time I was also petrified of her in the sense that I didn't ever want to come across her. Driving in certain parts of town made me so anxious at times and I would wonder what the hell is wrong with me. I realized eventually that there was nothing wrong with trying to shield myself from emotional damage. My point is, we make progress, little steps here and there in our own order at our own pace. That said, even when you think you're ok, sometimes a sucker punch comes out of nowhere and sends you reeling. It's good that you're prepared for the bad, but don't let that consume you either. And if it does come, stay the course and don't do anything that can destroy the progress you've made.
TheJiltedGeneration Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 I think we all do, like right now when I check my hotmail I wonder "if I am checking it cause of new updates from friends and stuff or just waiting for my ex to email back"..... I haven't looked at her websites in quite some time ( nearly 4 weeks so a month !!!) but still I haven't quite progressed in a fashion that would say I'am over her ( hell I still think of scenarios in my head that we'll get back together and it's only a matter of time...) so the answer this so long as you actively trying to move on I guess thats what counts..
karmaqueen Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Sounds like you have a lot of insight and are doing well! Maybe you will get a down time- who knows? I do seem to every few days but as long as you feel you are doing the right thing, then don't worry!
shayla Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 All I can say is that if the loss does hit you like a ton of bricks later on, don't think that you are back at square one and all that. Everybody heals differently, and there is no set order in which that comes. You are doing great now, and even if that changes, you are still coming along in the healing process just fine.
Author HappyFlower Posted December 2, 2011 Author Posted December 2, 2011 (edited) All I can say is that if the loss does hit you like a ton of bricks later on, don't think that you are back at square one and all that. Everybody heals differently, and there is no set order in which that comes. You are doing great now, and even if that changes, you are still coming along in the healing process just fine. Heh...well today (at exaclty the 3mo BU mark & 1mo+ NC) its hit me like a ton of bricks. So thank you, and everyone else, for the responses! I am beyond angry today. Furious! I want to punch him. Or shout at him. Anything! I am sitting around thinking about it all. I think the silence is getting to me, finally. I am monumentally bothered by the fact that he did the "I really want to be friends - I am with all my exes" speech, but has not, in 3 months, ever made contact with me. However, while we were together, took time away from us to hang out regularly with one ex, and return another's phonecall literally 5 seconds after she phoned (while I sat in his room alone) 9 months after they split. WHY!? Why can he make such an effort to contact them, and not me? The one he phoned CHEATED on him FFS, he talked about her all the time and what a "crazy bitch" she was - why give her the time of day let alone call her back for 20mins? I feel now like I ment so much less than his other exes. So I know he's 'friends' with at least 2 of his other exes, but has no time for me. FFS. SO ANGRY!!! I'm annoyed this has come now and not sooner. I thought I was doing so well. I guess at least its happening now right? Venting is helpful! Edited December 2, 2011 by HappyFlower
Philosoraptor Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 I think we've all been there. But there is no reason to be mad, realize that you are better than he deserves and you will find better. People say "lets be friends" in order to make themselves feel better. A friendship could never occur if you're both fully over things if it could occur at all. To answer the first post. Sure I've wondered if I was healing right at times, no question about it. I've also had worries about whether or not I'd find someone as good and blah blah blah. We tend to idealize the past and focus only on the good. I've found the easiest thing for me to do is to just look at things realistically. I can see that she and I couldn't work things out because there was a lack of emotional trust in the relationship that just wouldn't come back no matter how hard either of us tried. I've found it much easier to open up to others than I did with her and I've actually met someone really sweet who I feel comfortable with. It's a complete 180 from what I was used to. I take care of myself first and I'm not scared of my own feelings. It's not been too long since things ended but I no longer miss her or want her back. I've got myself back and have started living life the way I want to. Life has gotten easier and my heart is feeling better. My optimism is back and my life seems quite stable. There is no wrong way to cope if you're moving forward emotionally. Do what works best for you and continue to let each day be easier than the last.
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