BB0x Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Okay so i'm 18, and have been with my boyfriend since I was 15. He was 24 at the time I got in a relationship with him.. stupid I know, I kept it from my friends and family. It was at 15 that he banned me from emails, and took my phone off me, and i'm still not allowed a phone to this day. Over the years he's threatened me, harassed me when I have attempted to break up with him with non-stop calls, he even called my mother aswell as turning up at my house to cause problems. I have been wanting out for so long but I just can't, i'm too scared of the consequences. I am hoping to get into university next September and just wish he wasn't there for that time. Recently he moved to London (I'm in Liverpool) and although my best friend says this should be the time to leave.. the last time I attempted it, he actually travelled up from London to my house in order to kick the door in and shout at me, only for me to cave in and take him back. Recently he's been talking about me having a child because he doesn't want to be too old when the child gets older.. completely messing up any chance of me going to university and getting a job first. Over the past couple of months I got told I have an anxiety disorder, and aswell as the mental torture he has on me, it is seriously effecting my health and I just cannot leave. Please, please, PLEASE has anyone got any ideas/advice/suggestions that could help me? I'm really on my last legs.
thepedestrian Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Break up with him my friend. From reading what you wrote it sounds like the only reason you haven't is out of fear for the confrontation after. It clearly sounds like you don't want to be with him also. You know what must be done. Edit: you're 18 and hes 27 correct? You want to go to school and get a career where he wants you to become a mother. You're clearly at two completely different stages in your life.
theagonyscene Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 I'm not sure what the laws are in England, but I'm sure there is a law of some sort that can help you get out of this mess. What I'm thinking is, If you are truthfully that scared of this person, I would seriously consider getting the law involved if you can. Perhaps a restraining order might help you in the situation. This way he will not legally be able to come within a certain distance of you or even contact you for that matter. Seriously... think about it. I wish you the best of luck hun
Author BB0x Posted November 9, 2011 Author Posted November 9, 2011 (edited) I've never really been one to involve the police in anything, from past experience they do nothing. The ironic thing about it is I am infact studying law! Unfortunately the law i'm studying revolves around murder, manslaughter and assaults otherwise i'd have an idea of what to do. We do want completely separate things, and my own life is in the back burner as I have to ring him on the hour every hour regardless of how much I have to do. I think for a restraining order I have to pay for a solicitor, get evidence of harassment and a whole lot more, aswell as the case being brought to a Judges attention for them to decide if it is worth filing. EDIT: Thank you for your replies. Edited November 9, 2011 by BB0x
ChelseaLS Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 I've never really been one to involve the police in anything, from past experience they do nothing. The ironic thing about it is I am infact studying law! Unfortunately the law i'm studying revolves around murder, manslaughter and assaults otherwise i'd have an idea of what to do. We do want completely separate things, and my own life is in the back burner as I have to ring him on the hour every hour regardless of how much I have to do. I think for a restraining order I have to pay for a solicitor, get evidence of harassment and a whole lot more, aswell as the case being brought to a Judges attention for them to decide if it is worth filing. EDIT: Thank you for your replies. I'd let your family know and then persue the law. I feel like flying there and removing his manhood.
Author BB0x Posted November 9, 2011 Author Posted November 9, 2011 I'd let your family know and then persue the law. I feel like flying there and removing his manhood. I just feel so ashamed about it, and theres enough going on without the burden of this problem. It's not just his manhood that needs chopping off, off with his head is how i'm feeling right now.
ChelseaLS Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 I just feel so ashamed about it, and theres enough going on without the burden of this problem. It's not just his manhood that needs chopping off, off with his head is how i'm feeling right now. You really shouldn't feel ashamed, he should be the one who is ashamed. Everyone deserves their freedom, and he has stolen that from you. I realize there is a lot going on without adding more, but the longer you leave this, the harder it will get... or worse yet something horrible could happen. He sounds like a violent man, I would never want to see you or anyone in your type of situation be harmed... but he sounds like a loose cannon. I really think you need to push your feelings of shame to the side and let your family know, for your safety and your future. If you were ever to be harmed by him, your family would be hurt that you didn't tell them you were trapped in this situation.
Author BB0x Posted November 9, 2011 Author Posted November 9, 2011 You really shouldn't feel ashamed, he should be the one who is ashamed. Everyone deserves their freedom, and he has stolen that from you. I realize there is a lot going on without adding more, but the longer you leave this, the harder it will get... or worse yet something horrible could happen. He sounds like a violent man, I would never want to see you or anyone in your type of situation be harmed... but he sounds like a loose cannon. I really think you need to push your feelings of shame to the side and let your family know, for your safety and your future. If you were ever to be harmed by him, your family would be hurt that you didn't tell them you were trapped in this situation. Yeah I totally understand where you are coming from. I just wanted to see if I was able to resolve this without bringing anyone close to me into this mess. I'm more ashamed that I let it go on for three years, and let it get to this point without anyone having a clue or having done anything about it myself. I used to be a determined little madam but now I can't stand going out or having contact with any kind of male. The last thing I want is for him to hurt my family, i'd rather take the repercussions instead of them.
theagonyscene Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 You may not have a choice in this situation other than to try to pursue him via legal means... Otherwise, you may just have to suck it up while allowing him walk all over you and rob you of a happy life and future. I personally wouldn't settle for the latter and I'd hate to see you sacrifice everything for this guy who obviously only cares about himself My advice to you is... If you feel as though you may not have enough evidence to acquire a restraining order, be sure to document everything from this point forward. Start writing a journal if you don't have one already and make sure you write everything pertaining to him in it. Save every text, write down every phone/in-person conversation, especially if it's abusive. Also, start gathering friends and family who have seen him in action. Don't just listen to me. I'm really not in a position to give legal advice, I'm just offering my two cents. However, many lawyers will offer some free advice. You may want to talk to one. If you know any police officers or lawyers personally, that may help, get in contact with them. If I think of anything else to add, I'll be sure to stop back and leave an update. I wish you the best hun. Don't waste your future. There is somebody out there who would be happy to be with you, to support your goals and love you unconditionally without the abuse. That is certain
ChelseaLS Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Yeah I totally understand where you are coming from. I just wanted to see if I was able to resolve this without bringing anyone close to me into this mess. I'm more ashamed that I let it go on for three years, and let it get to this point without anyone having a clue or having done anything about it myself. I used to be a determined little madam but now I can't stand going out or having contact with any kind of male. The last thing I want is for him to hurt my family, i'd rather take the repercussions instead of them. A group standing together is stronger then one on their own. I understand you don't want your family hurt, but I bet they would love to help get you out of this situation. I know you hate males right now, but that will be something to work on. There are some great guys out there... don't let this one ruin it for you.
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