scorpio4 Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 I have a really confusing/difficult situation with my boyfriend of two years, I'm 20 and he's 29 so quite an age difference but its never seemed to be a problem as I'm very mature. Basically everything started great, he charmed me in to dating him and I soon fell in love, he is a great man with a massive heart and loves me unconditionally. I know he wants to settle down and be with me forever, and up until a few months ago I felt the same... Even though I'm young I'm aware that finding a good man is hard to come by.. And we seem to match so well, but were almost too similar for our own good and have the most dreadful arguments.... They are constant and bring me down so badly, he has an anger problem and lashes out very quickly, never physically.. But he'll punch walls and doors, shout at me.. Etc. Its not only this that is the problem.. I feel really bored in my relationship to the point sometimes where I want to run away and feel freedom again, he's very controlling, but then so am I, and I know its partly my fault but I'm only 20 and a massive part of me feels resentful towards him that he almost 'preyed' on me so young. To top everything off, I'm the only one in his life, his dad unfortunately passed away a year ago and his mum isn't involved with him, so therefore I also worry a great deal as to what hed do if I ended things, That being said, I still don't even know if I want to end it, he gets on amazingly with my family and I do love him, sometimes I'm so happy, and other times I hate him... Please could anyone give an input on my situation? I want to know if there's someone out there who has felt the same I do once, sometimes I think its my depression that causes this.....I'd appreciate anything, thanks
ChelseaLS Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 I have a really confusing/difficult situation with my boyfriend of two years, I'm 20 and he's 29 so quite an age difference but its never seemed to be a problem as I'm very mature. Basically everything started great, he charmed me in to dating him and I soon fell in love, he is a great man with a massive heart and loves me unconditionally. I know he wants to settle down and be with me forever, and up until a few months ago I felt the same... Even though I'm young I'm aware that finding a good man is hard to come by.. And we seem to match so well, but were almost too similar for our own good and have the most dreadful arguments.... They are constant and bring me down so badly, he has an anger problem and lashes out very quickly, never physically.. But he'll punch walls and doors, shout at me.. Etc. Its not only this that is the problem.. I feel really bored in my relationship to the point sometimes where I want to run away and feel freedom again, he's very controlling, but then so am I, and I know its partly my fault but I'm only 20 and a massive part of me feels resentful towards him that he almost 'preyed' on me so young. To top everything off, I'm the only one in his life, his dad unfortunately passed away a year ago and his mum isn't involved with him, so therefore I also worry a great deal as to what hed do if I ended things, That being said, I still don't even know if I want to end it, he gets on amazingly with my family and I do love him, sometimes I'm so happy, and other times I hate him... Please could anyone give an input on my situation? I want to know if there's someone out there who has felt the same I do once, sometimes I think its my depression that causes this.....I'd appreciate anything, thanks Do you really feel he preyed on you? I mean it takes two to tango, you could have said no at the begining and walked away. Have you guys ever sat down and talked about these problems? His anger issues and your bordum? Perhaps a good long chat with constructive ways to address these issues would be helpful. I don't know exactly what my ex is/was thing, but I think he may have been bored in our relationship... but he failed to communicate that to me and so I thought everything was wonderful, until he asked for time apart. That sucks, I was so hurt that he didn't take the time or compassion to communicate that with me. I think it's only fair when you have an issue that may bring our realtionship to an end that you communicate it with your partner. We can't read minds. Good luck.
immitable Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Sorry to say but you sound like a perfect GIGS candidate. You say you're young and keeps you wonder what else is out there. See there is nothing wrong with that if you feel that this is the right thing to do and to experience new things on your own rather than together. He sounds like a nice guy and I am sure he could succesfully control his anger if you talked to him about it (if he cares that is). But stringing someone along is very bad, remember not to toy with his emotions. but like Chelsea said a nice chat could work wonders. Still your decision though.
thepedestrian Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 I was in a very very similar situation when I was your age.... I had the "Gigs" I guess.... now I want to be back with her and she is gone. My only advice is to tread ahead with caution.
Author scorpio4 Posted November 9, 2011 Author Posted November 9, 2011 I have spoken to him about the way I feel many times, he gets emotional with me and says to me im right and he needs to change etc. he'll make me feel sorry for him and treats me really nicely for the next few days.. then it all happens again. I definitely think a major part of it is my age like you say, but at the same time I am scared of losing a good thing, I do believe that we were destined to meet really because a week after i met his dad he was diagnosed with cancer, I feel like I was put here as a re placement for him, otherwise hed be alone, and so I also feel guilt about this. I wish I could ask for a break but hes not the type to just accept that, he'd go crazy.
ChelseaLS Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 I have spoken to him about the way I feel many times, he gets emotional with me and says to me im right and he needs to change etc. he'll make me feel sorry for him and treats me really nicely for the next few days.. then it all happens again. I definitely think a major part of it is my age like you say, but at the same time I am scared of losing a good thing, I do believe that we were destined to meet really because a week after i met his dad he was diagnosed with cancer, I feel like I was put here as a re placement for him, otherwise hed be alone, and so I also feel guilt about this. I wish I could ask for a break but hes not the type to just accept that, he'd go crazy. Perhaps sit down and chat again, but this time gently tell him that you need to see a long lasting change or it has to end.
Author scorpio4 Posted November 9, 2011 Author Posted November 9, 2011 you're right i think i'll do this, or even write him a letter so i can explain all my feelings properly without getting tied up.. thanks for your help
ChelseaLS Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 you're right i think i'll do this, or even write him a letter so i can explain all my feelings properly without getting tied up.. thanks for your help Write the letter, give it to him to read and then sit down and talk with him face to face. Otherwise it will seem like you are avoiding / too scared to talk about it face to face. I get the whole idea of the letter... I write lots of letters to get my thoughts in order. But I think its also important to discuss it face to face. Good Luck.
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