When would you admit you want more than just friendship - after the date or before?

[mittk]

So my ex (who broke up with me a month ago) agreed to go out when she her family committments are over and she is back from holiday. I don't know exactly how long she will be gone for.

 

The thing is, when I asked her out I said something along the lines of "let's go out purely as friends, no agenda", knowing full well I wanted more. I didn't want to scare her away or make her think I was desperate and have not gotten over her. She, however, agreed immediately, saying she'd love to go out. She never mentioned the "friend" thing.

 

Now, I am afraid I may have friend-zoned myself. Do you think I should go along with a friendly date and then speak to her on the date about my feelings for her and about this whole situation, or subtly and politely give her hints, when arranging the date, that this may be more than just a

"friendly outing", and that I am looking forward to seeing her and things like that. Or, even more, tell her straight up I want a date - though considering we have barely spoken since we've broken up, I am afraid that might be too much.

 

Any thoughts?

[jordjones]

I don't think that you have "friend-zoned" yourself. However, your actions on this date are critical. I would not, under any circumstances, tell her how you feel during this first outing. Since you set up the date with no strings attached, you would come across as disingenuous and a wussy. At this juncture, pouring out your feelings will do nothing but hurt you.

 

Instead, you have to do your best to respark her attraction towards you - that's your ultimate goal. Come across as calm, cool, collected. Behave as if the break has done nothing but improve your life. Don't be overly nice; joke with her and treat her as if you are just a little cooler than she is. And touch her, subtly. Find excuses to escalate touching gradually.

 

Be patient, but continue to escalate. Your goal isn't to sleep with her on date 1, but by date 3, you should have a good idea of where she is at. Furthermore, don't be too available to her after these dates. In other words, when she calls and wants to talk after the date, seem too busy. This will help you secure subsequent dates. Best of luck.