itsmewren Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 so we broke up a year and a half ago and he's been with the new girl for like a year and three months ( but who's counting, right ) and it's SO HARD to be friends with him or even to not be friends with him just knowing what they're saying/feeling/doing together. I would honestly feel a million times better if they broke up.. even if he were to get into another relationship with someone new without giving me another chance. I'm guessing it has to do with the rejection feelings of him kinda/sorta choosing her over me back then and also the break up being so fresh at the time. does anyone know what I mean/feel the same way?? I try sooo hard to just be happy for him but, most of the time, it's just not something I'm capable of (yet). ugh.
M2155 Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Yes I know exactly how you feel. But it's best to not try to be friends with him right now. Like the people on here told me, you are not obligated to be happy for them (although I understand how you wish you could because it means you're over it). You want to keep your distance until the day you don't really care who he is with. You're going to feel that way about them until you let it go:(
fallenenvy Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Yes I know exactly how you feel. But it's best to not try to be friends with him right now. Like the people on here told me, you are not obligated to be happy for them (although I understand how you wish you could because it means you're over it). You want to keep your distance until the day you don't really care who he is with. You're going to feel that way about them until you let it go:( 100% right and couldn't agree with you more. First guy i ever really loved... left me.. and was with another girl the next damn day. He stayed with her for a good amount of time. To top it off.. he started working where i did.. and to make it worse SHE did to... ( and i never cared for her to begin with). When they broke up he came crying to me.. had sex with me.. then boom... went RIGHT back to her and i still had to see BOTH of them every day at work. I know how you feel.. and being friends isn't worth it. As M said... you arn't obligated to be happy for him.... and you should definitely not deal with him until you can be.. because by then it won't matter anymore.
josem Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 You better start avoiding him because if not there will be a time that you be constrained to do something like Sex..and makes you more hurt if in the next day you will see him with someone else..Just like fallenenvy
BLuvv Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 I am glad I am not the only one who feels like that. I broke up with my ex over a year ago and we stayed friends (w benefits) and then just recently I found out he found someone new. I want to be happy for him, I feel guilty that I don't/can't. But I am glad you say we aren't obligated to be, somehow that makes me feel a little better. But honestly, when I should be angry at him, all I can do is hate that girl and wish nothing but bad on her. It's horrible of me. I also am creeped out she is like a younger clone of me, looks so similar. It makes me feel even more replaced. Fml...I can't stop thinking of them together. It is driving me insane.
Gonnabeabadassjustuc Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 (edited) wow, i'm not happy that others are going thru EXACTLY what i'm going through....but for some reason, i feel less lonely after reading this post. SOME MEN ARE JERKS! they only break up with you when they finally have their hands on someone else and then they cut you out of their lives just like that! my jerk-of-an-ex announced his wonderful new relationship to the world...and it hasn't been even a month! and he LIED to me before, saying there was no one else! but there was! and he admitted it! now he's proud of his new relationship! Woop dy freakin doo! i wished men who cheated or shall i say, dump you for someone else, should all suffer! but everytime i think negatively, wishing the ex would feel my pain......u know what happens instead...the ex and his "happiness" with the other comes alive even more and full freakin throttle! its like torture!!! so i'm not going to waste anymore time.... starting tomorrow (cuz this "annoucment" just happened tonight) thinking about him or his new love. karma works both ways. if you think bad, it smacks you in the face (even if you're the "victim". i'm gonna use this site to help me cope....make ME stronger....make me get over someone who DOESN'T love or respect me. no more wasting time wishing ex harm. cuz it doesn't work. let life take care of it on its own. you'll only be disappointed when you get the complete opposite of what you wished. this is all speaking from someone who had the same thoughts as you....i wanted my ex to suffer....i wanted a more beautiful girl to come into the picture and break the ex and his new love up. but all backfires.....everytime i have a bad thought of another person, i get hit badly myself. i had a new fb.........i blocked him and his new fling........i blocked his friends..........i don't want any temptations! i don't want to be curious anymore. its not healthy for me. all my friends say focus on "me"...focus on "me". and i need to. and i hope you can too. any thoughts about him is a waste of your time. this site will help you see that others are going thru what you are....and hopefully you can see yourself in an outside perspective. i'm seeking for help as many people on this site are too......but lets work towards moving forward and bettering ourselves instead of wishing bad on others. again.......i know exactly how you feel......you can say i had devilish thoughts for the longest time. and it really has gotten me nowhere. Edited November 9, 2011 by Gonnabeabadassjustuc
wilsonx Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Oh women do this too, this isnt just a guy thing, there are plenty of us here still hurting from this.
melenkurion Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 There's no need to force yourself to be happy for him, that is unrealistic at this stage, just aim to be neutral. Don't try to be friends, it's not possible. Don't think about what they may or may not be doing. You have no idea whatsoever what is really going on. You could waste months torturing yourself over stuff that is purely imaginary. One thing: by saying "if THEY would break up, I would feel better", you are making your happiness conditional on something you have no control over. That's not a recipe for happiness, in the long run. Ideally, you should be focussing on goals that you have control over yourself, thing about things you could have within your power to make yourself happier. Of course, I need to follow my own advice
Recommended Posts