OCCDAVE Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Well make a long story short that girl who told me lets be friends and i said ya ok few weeks back had a dinner last minute she stood me up.i went strict nc and after week or so she contacted me.i kept it short to the point nothing really .well past friday i say hey how about we grab some food tuesday.she said sure so i said sounds good made nc all weekend.she text me today we chat a bit .so im assuming its still on if so do i need to pay or once check comes pay my half and give her the check?
creighton0123 Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 She stood you up. She just wants to be friends. Why would you pay for the two of you?
Metis Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Generally, if you invite someone to dinner, you should pay. If they invite you, they should pay. However, since she just wants to be friends, and it sounds more like she would just join you in grabbing a bite to eat, I'd say she should pay her own way.
ja123 Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Even a "friend" shouldn't have stood you up. I say this girl is bad news all round. I'd cancel if I were you. Proceed with nc. If you were to pay for her at this point (or even go out with her) it's like you're wearing a doormat sign, and asking to be abused. We teach people how to treat us.
oaks Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 so do i need to pay or once check comes pay my half and give her the check? I'm going to assume that you have other friends. What would happen with the check if you have a meal with one of those other friends? She's a friend, so treat her the same way you treat your other friends. Maybe that means splitting the check, or taking it in turns (she's your friend... sure surely there will be another meal sometime?).
dasein Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 No, don't pay for her. And the "who asks pays" is a complete copout because women still expect men to do most of the asking. My new rule is buying nothing more than a cup of coffee for women until I'm fairly sure she is conducting herself conservatively in her private life, no ONS, going out drinking three times a week, no FWBs. If they act no better than the average guy in their social life, they get treated like any other guy when the check comes.
Metis Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 No, don't pay for her. And the "who asks pays" is a complete copout because women still expect men to do most of the asking. Women are also expected to invite men over and cook for them, providing expensive wines and spirits alongside. Somehow the thought has never even occurred to me to end the dinner date by presenting the guy with the receipts and telling him to give me half the money.
fallenenvy Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Women are also expected to invite men over and cook for them, providing expensive wines and spirits alongside. Somehow the thought has never even occurred to me to end the dinner date by presenting the guy with the receipts and telling him to give me half the money. HAH HAH! Even tho im a woman i usually at least made a reach for the check.... if the guy takes it and insists.. well can't say i minded but i can take care of myself. I find it rude to ever EXPECT a guy to pay for it. But on the other hand, some men feel if they ask you out they should pay for it... and some men will take advantage (*******s ive dated) and expect you to pay every time for not only your part but theirs as well. Guess it just depends on the situation. Assuming you are just friends.. she should give her half... but if she makes no effort to, it's your decision how to handle it.
musemaj11 Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 (edited) Women are also expected to invite men over and cook for them, providing expensive wines and spirits alongside. No they are not. HAH HAH! Even tho im a woman i usually at least made a reach for the check.... if the guy takes it and insists.. well can't say i minded but i can take care of myself. I find it rude to ever EXPECT a guy to pay for it. But on the other hand, some men feel if they ask you out they should pay for it... and some men will take advantage (*******s ive dated) and expect you to pay every time for not only your part but theirs as well. Guess it just depends on the situation. Assuming you are just friends.. she should give her half... but if she makes no effort to, it's your decision how to handle it. Its funny how women don't like it either when they are expected to pay for others on a date. But expecting others to pay for them is okay. Its funny how when a man expects a woman to pay for him, suddenly he is automatically an *******. But if a woman expects a man to pay for her, she just wants to be romanced and treated like a lady. Edited November 9, 2011 by musemaj11
Metis Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 No they are not. Yes, they are. I've certainly experienced the expectation. Its funny how women don't like it either when they are expected to pay for others on a date. But expecting others to pay for them is okay. Hey, no one should "expect" anything, and it's always good form to offer to pay for oneself. Of course, there is always the risk of the guy being a hysterical drama queen who will complain about being "emasculated" by the offer to pay; incidentally, this is the kind of guy who will complain about women expecting "others" to pay for them. However, to invite someone out on a date and expect them to pay for the whole thing is just plain ****ing rude.
Metis Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Its funny how when a man expects a woman to pay for him, suddenly he is automatically an *******. It's funny how you assume things that are the opposite of what is being said. When a woman invites a man on a date or to dinner, she should pay for both -- that's precisely what I said. But if a woman expects a man to pay for her, she just wants to be romanced and treated like a lady. Again, that's not what anyone said here. It's funny how you create these two-dimensional monsters in your head. Hey, Don, how does it feel to battle your imaginary windmills?
Art_Critic Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 You are only friends... in your world do you buy your friends dinner ? She has made it clear that you are only friends.. if you have any other notion then you need to not be going to dinner with her.. FYI.. in my world with my friends.. sometimes I buy.. sometimes they buy.. most of the time it depends on if they have an expense account..
musemaj11 Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Hey, no one should "expect" anything, and it's always good form to offer to pay for oneself. Of course, there is always the risk of the guy being a hysterical drama queen who will complain about being "emasculated" by the offer to pay; incidentally, this is the kind of guy who will complain about women expecting "others" to pay for them. However, to invite someone out on a date and expect them to pay for the whole thing is just plain ****ing rude. I can accept the belief that the asker should pay because its the polite thing to do even if the facts on the ground is that women expect men to be the ones asking them out so in actuality its nothing but a same difference. However, the problem I have is that women see romance as a one way street. Men give, women take. Men treat, women enjoy. Either the man pays for himself and the woman or the woman pays for herself and herself only. Perhaps its because unlike men, women lack the instinct to want to treasure the person they love.
fallenenvy Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 No they are not. Its funny how women don't like it either when they are expected to pay for others on a date. But expecting others to pay for them is okay. Its funny how when a man expects a woman to pay for him, suddenly he is automatically an *******. But if a woman expects a man to pay for her, she just wants to be romanced and treated like a lady. I dont remember saying i expected men to pay for me or that they were *******s for expecting me to pay. I believe i referenced a couple guys i dated that took advantage of me taking the check and NEVER contributed to our meals EVER. Dating should be a give and take and i don't think its ok for anyone to EXPECT anything. I think it is also extremely rude for a woman to expect the man to pick up the check every single time.
fallenenvy Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 I can accept the belief that the asker should pay because its the polite thing to do even if the facts on the ground is that women expect men to be the ones asking them out so in actuality its nothing but a same difference. However, the problem I have is that women see romance as a one way street. Men give, women take. Men treat, women enjoy. Either the man pays for himself and the woman or the woman pays for herself and herself only. Perhaps its because unlike men, women lack the instinct to want to treasure the person they love. Wow.. stereotyping a bit arn't we? Seems like you've been let down quite a lot in your life to make you so bitter against women. Sad. I feel sorry for you.. especially after that last comment " women lack the instinct to want to treasure the person they love"
Metis Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 However, the problem I have is that women see romance as a one way street. Men give, women take. Men treat, women enjoy. Either the man pays for himself and the woman or the woman pays for herself and herself only. Perhaps its because unlike men, women lack the instinct to want to treasure the person they love. On the other hand, men treat marriage as a one-way street. Women work double shifts, men put their feet up. Women take care of men as if they are grown children, men don't think there is anything wrong with that. Either the woman takes care of herself and the man, or the man takes care of himself and himself only -- and proudly announces that he does his own laundry as if it's some kind of an achievement. Perhaps it's because unlike women, men lack the instinct to want to treasure the person who loves them.
Pierre Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Well make a long story short that girl who told me lets be friends and i said ya ok few weeks back had a dinner last minute she stood me up.i went strict nc and after week or so she contacted me.i kept it short to the point nothing really .well past friday i say hey how about we grab some food tuesday.she said sure so i said sounds good made nc all weekend.she text me today we chat a bit .so im assuming its still on if so do i need to pay or once check comes pay my half and give her the check? If you cannot afford to have lunch and pay for her you might as well not show up. Men like you do not score very high with the ladies. Sorry!
GG3 Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 On the other hand, men treat marriage as a one-way street. Women work double shifts, men put their feet up. Women take care of men as if they are grown children, men don't think there is anything wrong with that. Either the woman takes care of herself and the man, or the man takes care of himself and himself only -- and proudly announces that he does his own laundry as if it's some kind of an achievement. Perhaps it's because unlike women, men lack the instinct to want to treasure the person who loves them. Yes Thank You!!!!
Recommended Posts