I don't have that "IN LOVE" feeling, but I love him, should we break up?

[Miss_Behavin143]

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Okay, I'm new here.. and I need help! This is going to be kinda long but please help me?

 

First off, I'm 21 years old.. I have a 1 1/2 year old.. and I am currently going through a divorce. My husband left me a year ago. So, I've been a little stressed out and depressed with the way my daughter has been taking all this.

 

 

ANYWAYS, now... I have a boyfriend, who I've been with for 8 months. He is ABSOLUTLEY THE BEST. Like, the dream guy every girl wants then when she has him... she doesn't know what to do with him? He treats me so good, he'd give me the world, he always wants to cuddle, and kiss, and be with me and noone else, and just.. he's the best. He even loves my daughter to death.

 

My thing is.. I am not sure I feel that "in love" feeling with him.. I felt when I was 16 years old with my "first love".... (NOT my husband, someone else).... my thing is.... because I dont have that feeling, should I not be with him? Or does like.. time really warp your sense of things and maybe it wasn't as peachy and wonderful as I thought it was?

 

My boyfriend says... if you can just find someone you love, and can be with, and be happy with.. your good, and you don't have to have that butterflies, giddy, girlie, lovey dovey feeling.. Is that true? I told him I didnt know if we should be together because I didn't have that feeling like I had with my first love, and I settled with my husband because we had our daughter, but I didn't want to just "settle" again.

 

But, the more I've thought about it.. maybe I'm just putting up a wall and won't ALLOW my self to actually be in love with him? He is my best friend, and I have a wonderful time with him, and I love everything about him.. I just don't have that woozy lovey dovey feeling......... Does that mean we shouldn't be together??? He'd give me the world. He'd give my daughter the world, and he tries to... I just don't allow him to for some reason.. ?

 

What do ya'll think? Any help would be appreciated!

[supermom]

Going through a divorce sucks!

 

I wanted to post because my situation was somewhat similar to yours. I was married at 19 and divorced at 22. Well, at 21 my husband left me (we had no kids) and so I moved back to Phoenix (where I'm originally from) to get away because I was so depressed, I loved him.

 

My bf (at the time, now 2nd husband) was really trying to move fast. We had known each other for about 6 years at the time, which was longer than my husband, so we started dating. I was legally married to my 1st husband for a year into my current husband and I relationship. I felt he tried to move too fast and I too had the not in love feeling.

 

I didn't leave him, because I knew that it wasn't fair to him to base myself on my ex, and after I really got over my ex, the love started pouring in. After my divorce was final, 2 months later we were married and ended up having a little girl.

 

Now I'm in love I'm glad that I waited because I knew that part of it was the shock of being 21 and seperated, as I wish now I never got into a marriage at 19, I was just too young. I could never have kids with my ex, maybe God was telling me something because as soon as we moved on, we each had kids and now our kids are 3 mos apart. We have remained friends. blah blah blah......

 

I do not suggest to break up but also acknowledge if you are upset over your divorce, you have a right to! See how it is once you are not married, because I sure am glad I did....I have a beautiful little girl (now 1 1/2) that I thought I could never have, and a wonderful hubby

 

Good luck sweetie!

[Miss_Behavin143]

Whens your little girls birthday? Mine (Maddie's) is Dec 5th 02..

 

Anyways, thank you for your post.. but ya know.... I really AM over my husband. It was kinda one of those things where I was so angry and so upset.. after a few weeks, like ALL emotion was gone. Alot of times that's what my boyfriend is telling me now.. "It's like talking to a brick wall.." I feel like I AM being a brick wall, ya know? and maybe I'm not allowing myself to fall in love with him.. I dont know? It's sooo confusing, but he really is wonderful and would give me and Maddie the world, that's why I struggle so bad with it. There's not many 22 year old guys out there that are as mature relationship wise as him, and that would accept the fact that their girlfriend has already been married and has a child, ya know? That's why I feel like I shouldn't just let him go, but I battle with it because I dont have that "feeling.." okay, im talking in circles here so.. I'll shut up now lol

[supermom]

my little girl (Lacey) birthday is 10/21/02.

 

You need to follow your gut.....and let yourself get totally divorced too. from experience even if you are over him, when that day comes that it is final..some emotions will bother you, it's a huge ending, much huger than breaking up.

 

good luck and keep me posted. you can pm me sometime

 

P.S. I'm 25

[pupit]

I know it hurt, but you just have to find out Right? It OK, everything is going to be fine.

I think you like him more than he likes you (there is something about you that he do not like and because of that he will nether like you/love you). What you have to do is ask him to tell you what he dose't like about you and if he does, that could help him and help you solve all you problem and get back together.

 

 

Hope this help

[Miss_Behavin143]

Im not talking about my husband? I dont worry about our relationship anymore...

 

 

I worry about my relationship with my boyfriend, and my husbands relationship with our daughter.

 

It's not about my husband, I was just letting it be known I'm kinda bitter towards the way he left me.. and wondered if that was maybe a reason I wouldnt allow myself to really "love" my boyfriend.

[Kobefied27 II]

What is it about us guys that feel they find our dream girl and the girl feels the same way but its usually the girl that puts up that brick wall? Finding guys like us are a rare commodity. I mean my ex doesnt have a child or going through a divorce but she's told me time and time again that in one hand there's this perfect guy in me, and the other hand are the other guys. She's told my friend that I am everything that she wants in a guy. She tells me its not me its her she wants freedom and she is hell bent on being successful...I mean really hellbent. I feel that I could be an asset to her but apparently I feel like it isnt even about that. I'd like to think that we were genuine in all we shared with each other but with everything that happened, I feel like it was all a lie.

 

I am curious what goes through your minds...like are these walls breakable or should the guy just leave because if this guy you are dating who you claim to be your dream guy is to be then there's obviously something about you that doesnt want to commit but at the same time there's gotta be something about him that doesnt give you those feelings. My ex always said "It's not you it's me" and I think thats bull because there's gotta be something about me that helps put that wall back up. To me I actually think I am everything she wants in a guy but I feel she doesnt think that I am not focused in my career and I really think she feels I have no future. I've always thought that and I know women love successful men, but I'm in college and I learned from my mistakes so I guess I'm paying for it. Women love success huh?

[Miss_Behavin143]

thank you! that makes so much sense...