ChelseaLS Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Well it has been one month today since the break up / "break" began. He reached out to me last thursday (so almost took a month), I had remained LC (due to working together and it's a "break" if I went NC well.. out of sight out of mind). Anyways, all my photos are still up on his desk, and still has not told his family. I showed a guesture of caring by bringing him breakfast this morning lol. Afterall, it is a break and I am ready and willing to risk the hurt again. I have a gut feeling that we aren't done... that is not to be confused with the feelings of I don't want it to be done. Ah life... how you confuse me.
Rorschach64 Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Congratulations Chelsea! I know LC for your situation is best so good for you working it well Though I would say don't assume you are outta the jungle yet just so you don't get complacent! I really do hope you get what you want in the end, you really do seem like a good person
maxy1 Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 sending positive vibes and light your way. hope you end up happy with your decisions! everyone deserves to be happy
Bobby289 Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 In this month you have learned a lot more about yourself and the relationship you want so no matter what a win-win for you. Just don't set yourself up too soon, but i think ya got this!
Author ChelseaLS Posted November 8, 2011 Author Posted November 8, 2011 In this month you have learned a lot more about yourself and the relationship you want so no matter what a win-win for you. Just don't set yourself up too soon, but i think ya got this! Thanks for all the support and well wishes. I definitely can use it. I know regardless of what way it goes, it's going to go very slow (and I am not a patient person... something I will have to learn). I feel really good right now, confident and positive (haven't felt much of that in last month). I think being able to vent on here and get un-bias feedback has seriously helped. So thank you to everyone who has listened and responded.
Author ChelseaLS Posted November 9, 2011 Author Posted November 9, 2011 I know patience is a virture.. but.... So yesterday I tried to just do a little gesture to let my ex know I still care and I am still here... just giving him his space. How much contact is too much contact? I would love to go into his office and see how his day is going, but I am not sure if that is a good idea?... I don't want him to see me as a friend, and I don't want to push him. I have made it very clear that I will not do the friend thing with him, because it would be far to painful. Any ideas or suggestions?
Author ChelseaLS Posted November 9, 2011 Author Posted November 9, 2011 I know patience is a virture.. but.... So yesterday I tried to just do a little gesture to let my ex know I still care and I am still here... just giving him his space. How much contact is too much contact? I would love to go into his office and see how his day is going, but I am not sure if that is a good idea?... I don't want him to see me as a friend, and I don't want to push him. I have made it very clear that I will not do the friend thing with him, because it would be far to painful. Any ideas or suggestions? ... I think I figured out my own answer. I am going to leave the ball in his court now. He contacted me on Thursday, I reciprocated yesterday (Tuesday)... now to go back to LC. And see what happens?...
Veryconfused12345 Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Hi, I've noticed you've posted on a few other threads and your advice is always really sound so thought I'd message you since I'm going through a similar situation at the moment. Suffice to say, I feel your pain! Basically, my boyfriend of 3 years freaked out on me about a month ago and seemed to shut down (I'm in my late 20s, he's in his early 30s.) He told me he still loved me very much and thought I was the love of his life but that he felt numb and that he couldn't be what I needed him to be. Despite me thinking the world of him he said that he never felt I was happy with him and who he was. I'm suspecting that there might some issues with depression or extremely low self esteem that is driving this but the result is still the same, even though we were discussing getting engaged and moving to another country together, we are now broken up. I met up with him yesterday and he told me that despite the fact he loves me and misses me and planned when and where he was going to propose, he feels like he can't be with me now. I know your situation is slightly different in the sense you guys seem to be on a break as opposed to the official breakup, but I really feel like I'm dealing with the same push and pull and ambiguity of situation here. I sincerely love the guy and would love to spend the rest of my life with him but he seems to be calling all the shots. I guess my question is, how are you dealing with the up in the air situation? I feel like I'm getting mixed signals and if he loved me, he wouldn't let it drag on like this. I really appreciate what you said about getting stronger and working on your own development but on the really bad days, it panic so much. I'm trying to tell myself that he just won't be coming back so I can move on but then the whole problem arises of actually having to move on. Have you been experiencing these crazy extremes of hope and sadness at all?
Author ChelseaLS Posted November 9, 2011 Author Posted November 9, 2011 Hi, I've noticed you've posted on a few other threads and your advice is always really sound so thought I'd message you since I'm going through a similar situation at the moment. Suffice to say, I feel your pain! Basically, my boyfriend of 3 years freaked out on me about a month ago and seemed to shut down (I'm in my late 20s, he's in his early 30s.) He told me he still loved me very much and thought I was the love of his life but that he felt numb and that he couldn't be what I needed him to be. Despite me thinking the world of him he said that he never felt I was happy with him and who he was. I'm suspecting that there might some issues with depression or extremely low self esteem that is driving this but the result is still the same, even though we were discussing getting engaged and moving to another country together, we are now broken up. I met up with him yesterday and he told me that despite the fact he loves me and misses me and planned when and where he was going to propose, he feels like he can't be with me now. I know your situation is slightly different in the sense you guys seem to be on a break as opposed to the official breakup, but I really feel like I'm dealing with the same push and pull and ambiguity of situation here. I sincerely love the guy and would love to spend the rest of my life with him but he seems to be calling all the shots. I guess my question is, how are you dealing with the up in the air situation? I feel like I'm getting mixed signals and if he loved me, he wouldn't let it drag on like this. I really appreciate what you said about getting stronger and working on your own development but on the really bad days, it panic so much. I'm trying to tell myself that he just won't be coming back so I can move on but then the whole problem arises of actually having to move on. Have you been experiencing these crazy extremes of hope and sadness at all? I wrote the longest reply and then the system booted me out... So long story short, this is how I deal, cope and heal. - I kept a calm and cool head, and accpeted and am honoring my ex's request for space. I went LC instead of NC because 1. we work together and 2. "Out of sight, out of mind"... didn't want that. So I never text, call or email. I do all my contact usually at work face to face. Sometimes I will reply via text or call if it's important. -I read. I read like crazy about relationship... how to have them, hold them, let them go, move on, etc. I am learning about what happen within mine (gives me some insight as to what to do or not do next time and some closure) -I moved out.. Got my own place. This gives my ex ample space, but also helps me heal... I am not surrounded by our past together. -I made a plan of things I wanted to accomplish and better myself at. My list looks something like this: 1. join spin class 2. learn to snowboard 3. therapy 4. take / finish courses that will better my career 5. read, read, read 6. become more spirtiual 7. finish learning polish ... this way I am covering all the bases I find important to me... emotional, spirtiual, physical, etc. -I smile and throw my shoulders back when I walk even if I am dying inside. I fake it until I make it. Soon it starts to feel natural and I feel better. People are more drawn to you when you are confident. -I still get those roller coaster of feelings. Sometimes my mind floods with negative thoughts, but I push those out and replace them with positive ones. In short I am moving on not to feel this hurt to this extreme if we don't work out. I know that I still love him and so I don't need to hold out hope per se... I know that will still be there. I am willing to risk being hurt again, but I am not living on hope. It's a thin, delicate line, that I am still learning. I hope this helps you. I know it's helped me. Sharing on here experiences, ideas, thoughts helps a lot as well. Reminds us, there are others out there just like us. Plus it's an unbias opinion (which you can take or leave). I had to sit myself down and ask myself if I was just missing the companionship? I if I was scared of being alone? or if I truly wanted to be with him forever and was willing to risk hurting again. I came to the conclusion that he is work it and I am truly in love with him. I am not scared to be alone, I have been alone before. Took me many long deep soul searching sessions to figure this out. Patience. I am not good at patience, but I am learning.
Author ChelseaLS Posted November 9, 2011 Author Posted November 9, 2011 I wrote the longest reply and then the system booted me out... So long story short, this is how I deal, cope and heal. - I kept a calm and cool head, and accpeted and am honoring my ex's request for space. I went LC instead of NC because 1. we work together and 2. "Out of sight, out of mind"... didn't want that. So I never text, call or email. I do all my contact usually at work face to face. Sometimes I will reply via text or call if it's important. -I read. I read like crazy about relationship... how to have them, hold them, let them go, move on, etc. I am learning about what happen within mine (gives me some insight as to what to do or not do next time and some closure) -I moved out.. Got my own place. This gives my ex ample space, but also helps me heal... I am not surrounded by our past together. -I made a plan of things I wanted to accomplish and better myself at. My list looks something like this: 1. join spin class 2. learn to snowboard 3. therapy 4. take / finish courses that will better my career 5. read, read, read 6. become more spirtiual 7. finish learning polish ... this way I am covering all the bases I find important to me... emotional, spirtiual, physical, etc. -I smile and throw my shoulders back when I walk even if I am dying inside. I fake it until I make it. Soon it starts to feel natural and I feel better. People are more drawn to you when you are confident. -I still get those roller coaster of feelings. Sometimes my mind floods with negative thoughts, but I push those out and replace them with positive ones. In short I am moving on not to feel this hurt to this extreme if we don't work out. I know that I still love him and so I don't need to hold out hope per se... I know that will still be there. I am willing to risk being hurt again, but I am not living on hope. It's a thin, delicate line, that I am still learning. I hope this helps you. I know it's helped me. Sharing on here experiences, ideas, thoughts helps a lot as well. Reminds us, there are others out there just like us. Plus it's an unbias opinion (which you can take or leave). I had to sit myself down and ask myself if I was just missing the companionship? I if I was scared of being alone? or if I truly wanted to be with him forever and was willing to risk hurting again. I came to the conclusion that he is work it and I am truly in love with him. I am not scared to be alone, I have been alone before. Took me many long deep soul searching sessions to figure this out. Patience. I am not good at patience, but I am learning. Ooo I also do little kind gestures towards my ex, maybe 1 or twice a week (I am always poliet when we talk and such) just to let him know I am still here, and I still care, but that I am respecting his request for space. I made it clear that friends is not an option with my heart so heavily involved. So he knows these are not friendly friend guestures... if that makes sense.
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