Who's the REAL bunny boiler?

[Quiet Storm]

MM are so wrapped up in meeting their own needs that they don't consider the feelings of OW or BW.

 

They are so confident in their ability to control other people, it rarely even crosses their mind that these two women (BW & OW) are totally separate people capable of their own feelings and reactions.

 

He is the puppeteer and the OW and BW are puppets in his show. He is constantly manipulating them, managing their emotions, ommitting truths, steering conversations, encouraging hope, dodging questions...but most of all COVERING HIS OWN ASS, so that he can keep both women where he wants them.

 

He thinks everyone's going to play the role that he assigned to them, and is often surprised when his OW or BW doesn't follow his script.

 

IMO, it's not about OW being crazier than BW.

 

It's about a selfish man, who is all about meeting his own needs.

 

The craziness that may happen, the potential violence, the children who've had a stable life and see their mother losing it, the previously confident women that are now shattered, the stolen kitten...all of that is a collateral damage on MM's quest to fill up his bottomless pit of wants and needs.

 

Although both OW and BW may have underlying emotional issues, MM's lies, manipulations and disregard for the feelings of the women he supposedly "loves" are the catalyst for bringing that craziness to the surface.

 

And instead of seeing him as a puppeteer pulling their strings, so many OW (and BW) see him as a lost and confused man, trapped by his circumstances. He's just guy with a great heart that's just searching for love and happiness.

 

BW and OW see each other as the enemy, and MM (the real enemy) get's showered with love and devotion.

 

That's what's really messed up, IMO.

[melenkurion]

Unless she killed the animal, it's a stupid comparison.

 

The cat was never found. Christine Hemming apparently tried to return her by putting her through a gap in a fence, but she wasn't found. Briefly, there were claims that the cat had been found, but it turned out to be a different cat. I dunno, I know, I know there are all kinds of horrible things happening in the world and it's stupid to get sad, but... I like cats, and it did make me a little sad.

 

I know way too much about this. This guy is a local MP (my workplace is in his constituency) and is a true believer that there is no such thing as bad publicity (he voted for himself as "Love Rat of the Year" in 2005).

[bentnotbroken]

The cat was never found. Christine Hemming apparently tried to return her by putting her through a gap in a fence, but she wasn't found. Briefly, there were claims that the cat had been found, but it turned out to be a different cat. I dunno, I know, I know there are all kinds of horrible things happening in the world and it's stupid to get sad, but... I like cats, and it did make me a little sad.

 

I know way too much about this. This guy is a local MP (my workplace is in his constituency) and is a true believer that there is no such thing as bad publicity (he voted for himself as "Love Rat of the Year" in 2005).

 

 

He sounds like a real winner as a human being.

[MissBee]

Those in the UK will be familiar with this story which involves the dumped BW sneaking into the home the OW shared with the MM and their (OW & MM's) child, and stealing the child's kitten.

 

The BW - on the dole - claimed to be dropping mail off for the wealthy MM, but snuck into the house to see what she could steal to use against him in the divorce. She was captured on CCTV trespassing on the property and stealing the kitten, but claimed to have no memory of it. She was, nonetheless, found guilty because of the compelling evidence against her.

 

Glenn Close boiling the family bunny was fiction. This woman was real. Perhaps there should be more warnings in the popular media saying, "Lock up your pets, and your kids' pets, OWs - if the BW can't get the MM back, there's no telling how low she might stoop for revenge..."

 

If the MM now lives with the OW and they have a family, why is she still being referred to as the OW? Unless of course one relishes in that title for a particular reason, so insists on using it even when the relationship is now legit and in the open.

 

But I agree, there is a need to warn OW about crazy BWs. I mean, when someone feels scorned, who knows what they will do so it is indeed good to be mindful that you could potentially find yourself in a volatile situation if you're having an A with someone's husband.

 

I don't get involved with men who have exes still hung up on them who seem unstable, and even more so I cannot control for someone's "crazy BW" who may have all right to be crazy and enraged...therefore, no one needs to warn me twice, as it is pretty obvious to me that not everyone can be civil in a situation like that, people's feelings will probably be hurt, they can be irrational and I may be calling unnecessary drama into my life by engaging situations like that knowingly.Prevention is better than cure.

[MissBee]

Against its will? :lmao:

 

Maybe the kitten and some MM exhibit the same level of will power when it comes to being scooped up and carried away.

 

This thread is great.

 

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Wait. This thread is supposed to be a joke right?

 

I almost choked out on my drink when I read this...lmao :lmao:

[2sure]

[

I think affairs, in general, can result in all sorts of crazy behavior from all sides. Not just stealing kittens, but actual homicide.

 

I think that situation is very dangerous for the OW and I believe one of the most common homicides in the triangle. Here is a recent case:

 

http://www.truecrimereport.com/2011/03/david_rapoport_kills_pregnant.php

 

Other recent murder cases involving infidelity:

 

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/08/20/police-accused-new-jersey-man-claimed-bias-in-wifes-killing/

 

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/boyfriend_kills_after_walking_men_jQLBCIjVlgFmjtMMQC1kGL

 

http://www.pearlswindow.com/2010/11/man-kills-mistress-burns-baby-alive-to.html

 

http://www.suntimes.com/6507688-460/police-ex-cop-had-son-cohort-kill-mistress-in-river-forest.html

 

http://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/article/Mistress-says-she-plotted-to-kill-lover-s-wife-2246487.php

 

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=125590&page=1

 

http://www.eurthisnthat.com/2011/06/13/wife-loses-it-over-husbands-infidelity-tries-to-kill-mistress-and-baby-video/

 

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-6119631-504083.html

 

In my opinion this thread just magnifies the competition that often goes on between OW and BW. It can in fact, become less about the MM, less abouth the marriage and the affair...and more about the competition.

 

But anyway...yeah, affairs are crazy making. As to the real Bunny Boilers... I was a crazy BS in some respects. But I read all of the stories linked above and only like 2 indicated a Crazy BS.

 

The rest all clearly showed that MM and OW were the psychos. The people involved in the affair.

[donnamaybe]

[

 

 

In my opinion this thread just magnifies the competition that often goes on between OW and BW. It can in fact, become less about the MM, less abouth the marriage and the affair...and more about the competition.

And let's not lose sight of the fact that it wasn't a BS who started this thread.

 

But anyway...yeah, affairs are crazy making. As to the real Bunny Boilers... I was a crazy BS in some respects. But I read all of the stories linked above and only like 2 indicated a Crazy BS.

 

The rest all clearly showed that MM and OW were the psychos. The people involved in the affair.

 

More often than not I would wager.

[VivienViolet]

Those in the UK will be familiar with this story which involves the dumped BW sneaking into the home the OW shared with the MM and their (OW & MM's) child, and stealing the child's kitten.

 

The BW - on the dole - claimed to be dropping mail off for the wealthy MM, but snuck into the house to see what she could steal to use against him in the divorce. She was captured on CCTV trespassing on the property and stealing the kitten, but claimed to have no memory of it. She was, nonetheless, found guilty because of the compelling evidence against her.

 

Glenn Close boiling the family bunny was fiction. This woman was real. Perhaps there should be more warnings in the popular media saying, "Lock up your pets, and your kids' pets, OWs - if the BW can't get the MM back, there's no telling how low she might stoop for revenge..."

Oh, My Goodness! The bitterness that you must feel toward betrayed wives is really evident. I'm so so sorry you've been an other woman scorned. That has to be so hurtful. Best of luck on your Healing Journey.

[MissBee]

[

 

In my opinion this thread just magnifies the competition that often goes on between OW and BW. It can in fact, become less about the MM, less abouth the marriage and the affair...and more about the competition.

But anyway...yeah, affairs are crazy making. As to the real Bunny Boilers... I was a crazy BS in some respects. But I read all of the stories linked above and only like 2 indicated a Crazy BS.

 

The rest all clearly showed that MM and OW were the psychos. The people involved in the affair.

 

I agree...

 

It's really one thing to have truly "ended up" in an affair, worked it all out and end up together and realize that while it was not ideal, it ended up working for you...but it is another to seem vindictive, spiteful and dare I use this so oft overused term....bitter...when all is said and done and you "have your man" now. Clearly then, it is not about that, but about some other issue. Why would one still need to compete with "the other", berate the other and stranger than that take up defense of As and OW as a cause? It is very odd to me....

 

Reminds me of a friend who ended up with a guy after much 3 way drama between him and his now ex gf....and now that she won the coveted title of being his current...she is still unhappy and it has been a year later and she STILL is making remarks about her boyfriend's ex, is still concerned about her coming back, always worried about if he is talking to her and just overall she is very insecure and dissatisfied with her ill-gotten situation. She always tries to disparage the ex and act like she feels "so sorry for her" when this girl does not seem to care a wink about her and him and she is the one who is still caught up with the situation....the entire competition goes on, even when the ex is out of the picture....it's like she is more worried about her boyfriend's ex than she is about her boyfriend....almost as if, if that drama with the girl did not exist, neither would her relationship exist as it exists only in tension with "the other". Smh.

 

 

People who are genuinely happy and at peace seem like it.....those who aren't can't fake it....no matter how they try, the things they do and say reveal the truth.

 

 

I can respect those who seem to be even-keeled in terms of how they see and process their A, during and after the relationship transforms into something else. I recall a few posters who don't post often who are examples of such. They are indeed happy now with their situation but have no desire to claim an OW title (well after it is over and done), berate the entire category of BWs, always be on the side of As almost indiscriminately, remind everyone how great As can be or most annoying yet, remind everyone that every single thing said on LS was not their experience...they can instead use their own experiences and take the good and bad and put it in perspective with regards to the general versus being caught up with what happened for them and using that to negate all possible other outcomes. They seem at peace with what happened and not hung up on a constantly skewed perspective on As...which is weighted towards the minority amazing outcomes.

 

 

Much talk has been made about "agendas" but I think it is very apparent when someone has an agenda and exactly what that agenda is.

Edited November 9, 2011 by MissBee

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Perhaps there should be more warnings in the popular media saying, "Lock up your pets, and your kids' pets, OWs - if the BW can't get the MM back, there's no telling how low she might stoop for revenge..."

 

Clearly, low enough to scoop up a kitten.

[Got it]

Color me confused but I am not understanding some of the last comments/assumptions (though ifwisheswerehorses was very funny).

 

How is this indicative of disliking all BS? I read this whole post more being a defensive counter the idea that (only) AP are bunny boilers.

 

Also who "ended up with their man"? Are you indicating the OP?

 

 

 

I think sex makes people do crazy things and crazy people even crazier. Like SMO said, there are a lot of awful things done in other romantic relationships, moreso than affairs. And like another poster said, the highest probability of assault is when the woman finds herself with an unplanned pregnancy.

[spice4life]

I believe the OP is an OW in an affair who posted the link as an example that BS's can do bad things too. The person who ended up wit "her man" is the OW in the story link and his wife is the one who stole the kitten. It's all silly really because anyone can go crazy due to an affair, not just BS or OW/OM's. This story is a poor example and the only purpose it served was to pit people against each other. That is not really the spirit of this forum though because most of the people here are trying to deal with the fallout as opposed to advocating for affairs. Again, very silly!

[VivienViolet]

She's scorned over being rejected and is taking it out on betrayed wives. Anywhoo. My husband disclosed the affair to the other man's wife. People might say that was cruel or bunny boiler. It was just a part of his healing process. He shouldn't be made fun of. The betrayed wife in the story shouldn't either. It's my fault my husband was hurt. I had the affair and hurt him. Her husband hurt her too. She deserves some compassion in my opinion. It's mean to make fun of her and it says a lot about someone that would.

 

I know you've been really hurt. I hope your heart heals soon.

[herenow]

Maybe she felt she was rescuing the kitten.

[frozensprouts]

i have to wonder if the fact that the kitten was taken is the true point of the story, or is it the behavior of the married man that the point of the story... he sounds like a jerk.

[findingnemo]

Maybe she felt she was rescuing the kitten.

 

"W sneaks into the house to snoop for proof that WH had paid for the beautiful new pad... and finds an adorable kitten. It was probably starving for affection. On her way out she took the kitty with her. A mile up the road, she realizes that the kitty could be the child's and returns it."

 

My version of events sounds ok to me. What I don't get is why she was found guilty at all. She is his W. That house belongs to her too, paid for with her money!!! Someone had to report to the Police and bring charges right? It was neither the WH nor the child. It was the OW since she owns the house. This smirks of malicious and vindictive behaviour. First you take a woman's husband, have his child and then when she reacts you punish her to the full extent of the law. Wow!! A new low for sure and definitely now a battle between W and OW.

 

As for that MP (pun intended), who the heck voted for him? And who decriminalized adultery in the UK?

[woinlove]

Who understands the UK system? I'm surprised she is even eligible for public assistance, since she is married to a millionaire, has 3 children with him, the youngest is only 11 and is under her care. Why isn't he required to support his children?

[Kismetly]

This whole thread though is a good example of the lateral-blame and lateral-violence that occurs between the two "victims" of the WS.

 

It always amazes me how the spouse and AP take such a polar stance - when in fact they are both in the same position ... they should be allies against the WS who is lying to everyone.

[Kismetly]

Of course I understand in that particular story the man was living openly with his new/affair partner. Just a bit of personal projection going on this morning ....

[whichwayisup]

This whole thread though is a good example of the lateral-blame and lateral-violence that occurs between the two "victims" of the WS.

 

It always amazes me how the spouse and AP take such a polar stance - when in fact they are both in the same position ... they should be allies against the WS who is lying to everyone.

 

Sorry but an AP isn't an innocent victim in an affair. They CHOOSE to be with a married person, so it's not like they are going in blind or the guy pretended he was divorced or not married all along. If an OW doesn't know he's married and gets lied to from day one, then yes, she's just as much as a victim as the BS.

 

I see what you're trying to say in your last paragraph, but again, the OW knows the guy is married, so the OW and the BS aren't on the same playing field in that respect.

[frozensprouts]

Sorry but an AP isn't an innocent victim in an affair. They CHOOSE to be with a married person, so it's not like they are going in blind or the guy pretended he was divorced or not married all along. If an OW doesn't know he's married and gets lied to from day one, then yes, she's just as much as a victim as the BS.

 

I see what you're trying to say in your last paragraph, but again, the OW knows the guy is married, so the OW and the BS aren't on the same playing field in that respect.

 

on these points i would have to agree.

 

i read your post and it brought to mind a question...

 

if someone is the other man/woman, and the married person they are in an affair with tells them they are separated, getting divorced, etc., then why not ask the married person if they can contact their soon to be ex spouse and , for their own peace of mind, confirm this? If their marriage truly is over, then a call like this should certainly be able to be answred with an honest response.

 

that way, they'd know exactly where they stand and they may be able to avoid some pain further down they line when they are much more emotionally invested.

[SoMovinOn]

if someone is the other man/woman, and the married person they are in an affair with tells them they are separated, getting divorced, etc., then why not ask the married person if they can contact their soon to be ex spouse and , for their own peace of mind, confirm this? If their marriage truly is over, then a call like this should certainly be able to be answred with an honest response.

 

that way, they'd know exactly where they stand and they may be able to avoid some pain further down they line when they are much more emotionally invested.

 

I'd take it a few steps further. If you don't trust the person you are dating and feel the need to verify their marital status - don't date them. If you are that mistrusting of the people you date, you need to run a complete background check on anyone you date, even if they tell you they are single - they may be lying and be M, or, they may be dating one, or more, other people. ... and if you are that mistrusting - don't date at all.

[bentnotbroken]

Of course I understand in that particular story the man was living openly with his new/affair partner. Just a bit of personal projection going on this morning ....

 

 

So you and the BS in your situation are allies?

[spice4life]

on these points i would have to agree.

 

i read your post and it brought to mind a question...

 

if someone is the other man/woman, and the married person they are in an affair with tells them they are separated, getting divorced, etc., then why not ask the married person if they can contact their soon to be ex spouse and , for their own peace of mind, confirm this? If their marriage truly is over, then a call like this should certainly be able to be answred with an honest response.

 

that way, they'd know exactly where they stand and they may be able to avoid some pain further down they line when they are much more emotionally invested.

 

While this sounds logical, it's highly unlikely. In other words, if you just started to date someone why should you be saddled with that responsibility? Why not just disqualify them as a dating prospect instead?

[spice4life]

I'd take it a few steps further. If you don't trust the person you are dating and feel the need to verify their marital status - don't date them. If you are that mistrusting of the people you date, you need to run a complete background check on anyone you date, even if they tell you they are single - they may be lying and be M, or, they may be dating one, or more, other people. ... and if you are that mistrusting - don't date at all.

 

This makes total sense.