Author tigressA Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 But to be fair, TA, you participated in similar behavior by communicating with C. I know you were not flirting, but he showed interest in you, and you did not just nip that all in the bud by yourself, because of your own opinion about that. That guy is not your "friend" and you two never established a relationship of friendship, so IMO there never has been any reason for you to be chatting with him about any subject - not only because your current bf does not like you to do so. For the record, I am not "against" friendship with members of the opposite sex or even with exes. But a real, actual friendship has to be in place. I'm not trying to blame anything on you, but I am hoping to help you see that neither one of you has firmly established boundaries about this kind of thing within yourselves. Seems like you are both looking for the reaction of the other in order to have such boundaries. You're right regarding the boundaries. BF and I are both reactionary. When things like this happen, we struggle to work things out in a reasonable manner. Drama usually strikes, tempers get hot. There are many things we didn't establish clear boundaries on. We always work it out in the end, but we did have some really rough points that could have been avoided. We're winging it, basically. I understand the thing about not ever having been friends with my ex. That's true. I did tell him, as soon as he said he was interested, that I'm not and never will be, so forget it. He said OK, and the few times we talked after it was like it never happened. From where I stood, unlike BF's ex, he wasn't trying to manipulate/persuade me into anything. He wasn't disrespecting my relationship, or BF. After I made it clear he had no chance, he was nothing but supportive of the choice I had made. He may not have ever been a friend of mine but he was at least acting like a friend should, unlike BF's ex. BF and I discussed the issue again last night and he said it's a bit difficult for him because he's known her for years and she's always been a friend. I told him I understand but he needs to realize she isn't treating their dynamic as a friendship--she's manipulating it into an opportunity to jump back on his c*ck. I told him, "You should be angry with her. She is using your long-established friendship and connection as a tool of manipulation. She is mind-f*cking you. Me, I don't know her and I'd give her a beatdown. I'm pissed!"
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