tigressA Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 This is more of a rant than anything else. Some women are shameless. And some guys don't get it. BF has had an ex chasing after him, despite him telling her more than once that he is with me, and he has no interest in her at all so he wouldn't want her even if he were single. This chick is engaged to someone else, yet every once in awhile she talks BF's ear off about the memories they shared and asks him about our relationship. He says he thought she was a good friend but now he likely is going to stop talking to her because it seems like she's obsessed. There's another girl who recently friended him on FB, I think they used to be friends years ago and lost touch or something. I tagged new photos of him and she commented on his profile picture with "full of hotness". She has also commented on a lot of different things he's posted. It's clear to me she wants him too. I told him that once before but he was dismissive, saying "Nah, she's just like that." I trust him to handle those things as he sees fit; I trust he won't cheat on me. And on one hand, it does help me to not get too complacent and possibly take him for granted. But geez, some women...it is crystal-clear that he is with me, and they will not back off. A part of me also wonders if this isn't a cultural thing--both these women are Indian, like him, and I'm American. They might think I'm just a bit of fun to be had in the meantime, so they think nothing of trying to snatch him up when it comes time for him to 'settle down'. :rolleyes:
zengirl Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 A part of me also wonders if this isn't a cultural thing--both these women are Indian, like him, and I'm American. They might think I'm just a bit of fun to be had in the meantime, so they think nothing of trying to snatch him up when it comes time for him to 'settle down'. :rolleyes: Some women are just like that, but this likely factors in. The way I see it, they're embarrassing themselves. Sorry they're also being a bother to you, and rant away. That stuff is lame.
Janesays Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Or maybe they are just trying to give him a compliment to make him feel good? I call almost every guy 'handsome.' Seriously. Every. Single. Guy. I'm just trying to brighten their day. I don't want to hop in the sack with them or anything. I do the same thing with women, only I put more thought into the compliment because I know women are not as easily flattered.
Dusk1983 Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 And on one hand, it does help me to not get too complacent and possibly take him for granted. If it takes another woman pursuing your man for you to realise what you have, and that he shouldn't be taken for granted, then he's better off with these other women. Sadly, though, this is absolutely par for the course with women. Too many of you require external validation that you've 'outdone' other women. It's immature and pathetic.
Author tigressA Posted November 8, 2011 Author Posted November 8, 2011 Dusk--I try to put a positive spin on it, and that 'not taking for granted' is part of it. I don't see what's wrong with trying to treat it as a little extra incentive as compared to letting it make me feel constantly jealous, insecure and distrustful. Jane--I would agree with you if there weren't other things to indicate that she isn't just being complimentary.
Anela Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Actually, it is too easy to flatter a human female. Just tell her what she wants to hear ( which is lies ). Tell her how special she is out of 7+ billion humans...and such... If you're British (and so concerned about women not liking British men), well.. I don't think your nationality is your problem.
Anela Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 I am Russian, thank you very much.... And I realized with the posts here and elsewhere, that you are a troll, thank you very much.
TigerCub Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Tigress, I completely understand your frustration, but I'm just wondering: How do you know what your bf and this girl talk about, and that she's the one that's going down memory lane with him? How do you know its not him bringing up all that crap? Also, as for the facebook friend, how do you know who initiated what? Who friended who? Also, although I don't know much about facebook, I'm assuming that people can control who their friends are - so, this girl is his FB friend because he wants her to be. I'm just saying, its pretty easy for a taken person to flirt with and start things up with someone, and then when their SO finds out - suddenly its all the other person's fault - they started it, they initiated this or that, and all along the taken person is just so innocent - its someone else's doing. People have choices, he can choose to not talk to girl #1, and he can choose to not online chat with girl #2.
carhill Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Would BF like one of your ex'es to be up your ass? Boundary time. It's not the 'girls'. He's a big boy. Let him exercise those big balls and put the ladies in their place.
freestyle Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Would BF like one of your ex'es to be up your ass? Boundary time. It's not the 'girls'. He's a big boy. Let him exercise those big balls and put the ladies in their place. agreed. Next time some other girl writes "you're full of hotness" on his FB wall---he could respond by saying, "Thanks! my girlfriend thinks so, too..........." He's capable of shutting that nonsense down, & he can still be diplomatic about it.
Author tigressA Posted November 8, 2011 Author Posted November 8, 2011 Would BF like one of your ex'es to be up your ass? Boundary time. It's not the 'girls'. He's a big boy. Let him exercise those big balls and put the ladies in their place. I already told him I trust him to deal with it as he sees fit. I trust he won't cheat. I did tell him my perception of all of it, and he did say he's going to cut off contact with the ex. One of my exes--the most recent one, actually--was up my ass recently. I had posted a thread about it in the Confessions section. I had told BF about it and he was really bugged. I probably shouldn't have said anything but I wanted to be honest. I told him I was considering possibly having him as a friend and I might talk to him every so often. One night BF 'caught' (he woke up and saw, I wasn't hiding it) me talking with him; I was just b*tching about being sick and he got so worked up he demanded I stop speaking to him entirely. I asked him why he didn't trust me. We talked about it, saying we would trust each other with regard to this sort of stuff, I thought it was resolved, and then Friday night I find my ex's username is blocked in Gchat--BF had gone in my computer and done that. It was disturbing, as it made me realize further that he has issues when it comes to being honest about how some things really make him feel. It does make me wonder whether he likes the outside attention he's getting and he just doesn't want to say it.
Pierre Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 This is more of a rant than anything else. Some women are shameless. And some guys don't get it. BF has had an ex chasing after him, despite him telling her more than once that he is with me, and he has no interest in her at all so he wouldn't want her even if he were single. This chick is engaged to someone else, yet every once in awhile she talks BF's ear off about the memories they shared and asks him about our relationship. He says he thought she was a good friend but now he likely is going to stop talking to her because it seems like she's obsessed. There's another girl who recently friended him on FB, I think they used to be friends years ago and lost touch or something. I tagged new photos of him and she commented on his profile picture with "full of hotness". She has also commented on a lot of different things he's posted. It's clear to me she wants him too. I told him that once before but he was dismissive, saying "Nah, she's just like that." I trust him to handle those things as he sees fit; I trust he won't cheat on me. And on one hand, it does help me to not get too complacent and possibly take him for granted. But geez, some women...it is crystal-clear that he is with me, and they will not back off. A part of me also wonders if this isn't a cultural thing--both these women are Indian, like him, and I'm American. They might think I'm just a bit of fun to be had in the meantime, so they think nothing of trying to snatch him up when it comes time for him to 'settle down'. :rolleyes: This happens because your BF wants it to happen. If he was really bothered by the adulation he could end it very easily. He is keeping his options and I am not surprised. This is all about your BF and has nothing to do with you. The two of you are not engaged or committed to each other, so this is not surprising.
carhill Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 What is one positive step you can take today to resolve this? BTW, back when I was a 'girlfriend', I heard this stuff all the time, the ranting I mean. I got used a few times as 'boyfriend ammunition' too. Ugh. This didn't raise my respect for the ladies involved. Please find a healthy way to deal with this and resolve it, preferably not involving anyone but yourself and BF or, conversely, accept the dynamic as it is.
melodymatters Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Dude, I can SO relate ! When I met my now husband he was broken up with his GF of 8 months, but still renting a room from her family ( I call them The Manson Family, none of them work, they all do drugs and steal) He moved in with me MONTHS ago, and we married almost a month ago, and she STILL stalks his and my phones, calling from different numbers, so we can't block. Here's where it gets funny : Her toothless crack addict mom starts calling ME and talking about my "nasty p*ssy" ( keep in mind, I've never met the woman) So I replied " Really Sheila, why are you so interested in my vagina ? Shouldn't you be out robbing someone or getting a job or something ?" And...are you REALLY encouraging your daughter to stalk a married man who has made it clear he wants NOTHING to do with her ? Good parenting there:rolleyes: So then she asks " If I'm going to kill this one like you killed the last one ?" so I said " WOW ! I didn't know I had the power to cause epilepsy, thats actually kinda cool, so now you better ALL watch out because I officially CURSE YOUR FAMILY WITH EPLILEPSY !....... ......and she hung up ! LOL ! have fun with the psychos, they are a good outlet for aggression. I agree with the gentleman above, that it's your BF's job to set boundries : a girl at work tried to slap my husbands butt in a joking manner, and he was like " WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, I'm a married man, don't be touching me like that !"
Woggle Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 The fact that he is your man makes him more attractive to women. Some women want to take a woman from another man because it is a boost to their ego. It is up to him to see what it is and tell them no.
dasein Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 It's good to be vigilant and concerned about this, not ranty at all IMO. Third parties can wreak all kind of mischief in your relationships. I used to think being confident and ignoring it were the way to go, no maam. People who seek to actively undermine your relationships or flagrantly disrepect them have to be handled like Machiavelli, which requires work to not cross the line into possessive and controlling, but lazily ignoring them has led to lots of crashed and burnt relationships, in my life and friends.
freestyle Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 The fact that he is your man makes him more attractive to women. Some women want to take a woman from another man because it is a boost to their ego. It is up to him to see what it is and tell them no. agreed.For some women, it's more about the competition, than the guy they're vying for. They'll "win" the guy--and decide yet another taken guy is suddenly more attractive. It's good to be vigilant and concerned about this, not ranty at all IMO. Third parties can wreak all kind of mischief in your relationships. I used to think being confident and ignoring it were the way to go, no maam. People who seek to actively undermine your relationships or flagrantly disrepect them have to be handled like Machiavelli, which requires work to not cross the line into possessive and controlling, but lazily ignoring them has led to lots of crashed and burnt relationships, in my life and friends. agreed---relationship saboteurs shouldn't be underestimated. Some of them can be very sneaky/subtle about it, too. I've been on the receiving end of it, and I've witnessed it happening. I find it contemptible---and complacency can do more harm than good. It IS a fine line--between being overly jealous, and wanting to protect an important relationship.........but I believe there's a balance point that can be found.
Stung Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 My husband has a troublesome ex-girlfriend, too...of course, we are inextricably tied to her, as they had a child together and actively co-parent. They had been split up for years before I ever came along, and she was since married and had other children with her own husband. Then after six years of marriage, she became estranged from her husband (they are now divorcing, and amusingly HE has become a pretty good friend of my husband and myself. But I digress.), and started making subtle plays to get my husband, the father of her daughter, back. One silent but memorably weird moment came in about the 8th month of my pregnancy with our son, while her husband was living and working in a different state and sending her regular support money, still trying to work things out. It was my stepdaughter's birthday and so us three adults (sans the estranged husband in another state) were having dinner and ice cream with her, her siblings by her mother, and a few of her friends. We were making boring grownup chit chat and being very civil like we usually are, and the ex was icing me out of the conversation and trying to isolate my husband into a little bubble of talk about people I don't know from their past, like she usually does, and I was sitting there big as a house full of kicking baby and idly sketching on a napkin when she leaned in very intimately and tried to feed my husband ice cream from her spoon. You could practically hear the record scratch. My husband, so sweet, was obviously genuinely weirded out and just leaned waaay back with a clear expression of WTF? It actually made me laugh a little bit, it was so clear that he was startled and grossed out, and then of course I had to play it off and say I was amused by something else entirely when my SD wondered what was so funny. Anyway, that was the last time she made any subtle moves of reclamation towards my husband. And I was definitely not worried about it anyway, after seeing his reaction to her overly-affectionate overture .
Nexus One Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 This is more of a rant than anything else. Some women are shameless. And some guys don't get it. BF has had an ex chasing after him, despite him telling her more than once that he is with me, and he has no interest in her at all so he wouldn't want her even if he were single. This chick is engaged to someone else, yet every once in awhile she talks BF's ear off about the memories they shared and asks him about our relationship. He says he thought she was a good friend but now he likely is going to stop talking to her because it seems like she's obsessed. There's another girl who recently friended him on FB, I think they used to be friends years ago and lost touch or something. I tagged new photos of him and she commented on his profile picture with "full of hotness". She has also commented on a lot of different things he's posted. It's clear to me she wants him too. I told him that once before but he was dismissive, saying "Nah, she's just like that." I trust him to handle those things as he sees fit; I trust he won't cheat on me. And on one hand, it does help me to not get too complacent and possibly take him for granted. But geez, some women...it is crystal-clear that he is with me, and they will not back off. A part of me also wonders if this isn't a cultural thing--both these women are Indian, like him, and I'm American. They might think I'm just a bit of fun to be had in the meantime, so they think nothing of trying to snatch him up when it comes time for him to 'settle down'. :rolleyes: Your boyfriend should set boundaries from his side of the relationship, out of respect for you. Why does he even allow his ex to "satellite" around him? Dude, I can SO relate ! When I met my now husband he was broken up with his GF of 8 months, but still renting a room from her family ( I call them The Manson Family, none of them work, they all do drugs and steal) He moved in with me MONTHS ago, and we married almost a month ago, and she STILL stalks his and my phones, calling from different numbers, so we can't block. Here's where it gets funny : Her toothless crack addict mom starts calling ME and talking about my "nasty p*ssy" ( keep in mind, I've never met the woman) So I replied " Really Sheila, why are you so interested in my vagina ? Shouldn't you be out robbing someone or getting a job or something ?" And...are you REALLY encouraging your daughter to stalk a married man who has made it clear he wants NOTHING to do with her ? Good parenting there:rolleyes: So then she asks " If I'm going to kill this one like you killed the last one ?" so I said " WOW ! I didn't know I had the power to cause epilepsy, thats actually kinda cool, so now you better ALL watch out because I officially CURSE YOUR FAMILY WITH EPLILEPSY !....... ......and she hung up ! LOL ! have fun with the psychos, they are a good outlet for aggression. I agree with the gentleman above, that it's your BF's job to set boundries : a girl at work tried to slap my husbands butt in a joking manner, and he was like " WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, I'm a married man, don't be touching me like that !" Oh my goodness. While I think that is an uncomfortable situation, I can't really say you handled that in a mature and graceful way Melody.
Citizen Erased Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Oh my goodness. While I think that is an uncomfortable situation, I can't really say you handled that in a mature and graceful way Melody. The woman said Melody had killed her last husband. I can see why she saw red instead of the mature, graceful way.
Nexus One Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 The woman said Melody had killed her last husband. I can see why she saw red instead of the mature, graceful way. With mature and graceful I meant: Hang up the phone, then block the number. I.e. don't let them pull you down to their level. A new phone of mine has a number blocking feature, so it's possible. Some phone companies can/will do it too if you call them.
ShannonMI Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Or what about the married men that hit on single women. I had that happen to me this weekend. This guy I've know forever, who I've been friends with, told me he wanted to f*ck me and has always wanted to f*ck me. For years. Was all up in my sh*t at this bar. Meanwhile, he's married with 3 kids. I mean he's attractive, but I would never go there. I can't destroy a marriage and a family, but he's willing to. It's so sad. I told him to divorce his wife if he'd like to bone other women and his reply was "it's cheaper to keep her." The thing is she knows he cheats on her and she continues to stay with him. Why do these women do it? Sorry to derail your thread, but I had to rant myself:rolleyes:
Nexus One Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Or what about the married men that hit on single women. I had that happen to me this weekend. This guy I've know forever, who I've been friends with, told me he wanted to f*ck me and has always wanted to f*ck me. For years. Was all up in my sh*t at this bar. Meanwhile, he's married with 3 kids. I mean he's attractive, but I would never go there. I can't destroy a marriage and a family, but he's willing to. It's so sad. I told him to divorce his wife if he'd like to bone other women and his reply was "it's cheaper to keep her." The thing is she knows he cheats on her and she continues to stay with him. Why do these women do it? Sorry to derail your thread, but I had to rant myself:rolleyes: Even then you shouldn't let him f*ck you. Because that would be like rewarding him for his sh*tty ethics and attitude.
ShannonMI Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Even then you shouldn't let him f*ck you. Because that would be like rewarding him for his sh*tty ethics and attitude. Who said I was going to f*ck him? Because I said he should divorce his wife to bang other chicks? Doesn't mean I'm one of those other chicks. I like this guy. I've know him for years and he's always hinted that he'd like to get in my pants, but this weekend it was REAL clear that's what he wanted. I wouldn't go there. Married or divorced.
Nexus One Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Who said I was going to f*ck him? Because I said he should divorce his wife to bang other chicks? Doesn't mean I'm one of those other chicks. I like this guy. I've know him for years and he's always hinted that he'd like to get in my pants, but this weekend it was REAL clear that's what he wanted. I wouldn't go there. Married or divorced. I didn't mean to imply that Sha ' non. It was a hypothetical statement.
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