Marcus92 Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 I tend to be verbose when I describe my situation, so I'll try not to write too much. I met a girl (Let's call her Susan) more than a month ago on a blind date set up by some mutual friends. Susan and I hit things off well, and we ended up having a lot in common. Later that day, we met up at a party and both got a little drunk. One thing led to another and we ended up having a more intimate encounter. I was determined to not just let this be a one night stand. The very next week, I took Susan to a fancy restaurant, and we got to know each other even more. We continued seeing each other fairly often. We would meet up, go somewhere like the park or the mall, hold hands, kiss, and part ways. I met her friends, and she met mine, and our lives were no longer parallel. I thought everything was going perfectly. About a month into our dating, Susan tells me that she needs to talk. She tells me that she "likes me as a friend," but she just doesn't feel attracted to me. I asked Susan about that first night we met, and she said that initially she "really liked me a lot, but it just changed." Then I asked her what I did wrong, and she gave me a cryptic response. Susan told me that I did nothing wrong. She said I'm such a nice and amazing person. She said I'm too perfect for her. Susan said she still wants to be friends. I guess you all can imagine how I felt. I didn't want to just be friends with her. I wanted to be in a relationship with her. About a week passed by, and Susan messaged me on facebook. She said she was wondering how I'm doing and that she meant it when she said we should still be friends. I said I felt the same way, but I'm still very much hurt. Here's why. I've never had a true girlfriend. I've hooked up with girls before, but I've never really had someone tell me that I matter to them or that they think I'm special. Susan was the closest thing I ever had to a real girlfriend. I got to know pretty much everything about her. I know her favorite color, her hobbies, what kind of music she likes, and all of that stuff. And Susan is a special person. We have a lot in common, and I think she's really pretty too. Susan has beautiful red hair, and it only makes things worse because redheads are so rare. So now that she tells me she only sees me as a friend, what does that say about me? Now I have nobody to hold, nobody to talk to, and I've been hiding how miserable I am since that day. I'm faced with two options. I can keep my distance and simply try to continue flirting with her as time goes on. I can try to get out of this friend zone by staying out of her life until I change myself. I'll get a new haircut, start going to the gym more, and change the way she perceives me. My other option is to become her friend. And we'll talk and we'll hang out, but I'll always feel that pit of sadness knowing she will never see me as anything more than a friend. And I already dread that day when I'll see some guy with his arm around her, and she'll be telling me about how great her new boyfriend is. God, I really wish I didn't mess up. Somebody please tell me what to do, because I really just don't want to move on. There is nobody else like this girl, and I'm sick of compromising in this hostile world!
Cracker Jack Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 I understand how you feel, but going out of your way to improve yourself just to win her over won't be very effective. I doubt your physical looks are the issue here. It just sounds like she's not really into you. If you can't handle the idea of being friends with her, you need to just move on. If she's not attracted to you she's not attracted to you. Sometimes there's just nothing you can do to change how someone looks at you.
Author Marcus92 Posted November 8, 2011 Author Posted November 8, 2011 I understand how you feel, but going out of your way to improve yourself just to win her over won't be very effective. I doubt your physical looks are the issue here. It just sounds like she's not really into you. If you can't handle the idea of being friends with her, you need to just move on. If she's not attracted to you she's not attracted to you. Sometimes there's just nothing you can do to change how someone looks at you. I feel like I must have done something wrong. I've fallen into this trap two times before. I'll end up hooking up with some girl at a party and initially I'll be so hopeful that she will stay interested in me. Then as soon as they get to know me better they quickly distance themselves. I really thought Susan was perfect for me. Now I just can't seem to get it off my mind. I still want her in my life, but it hurts me so much just to see her or think about her.
Author Marcus92 Posted November 8, 2011 Author Posted November 8, 2011 Don't be a pathetic fool, wanting someone in your life, who does not want you bro.....Forget about this insignificant, so called "woman". There are 7 billion people in the world ( not counting human slave labor on mars and her moons and other worlds ) she is not special in any way. To be perfectly honest, I hardly see any validity in this argument. People always reassure themselves by saying, "There's over seven billion people on the planet, surely you'll find the right person!" Just consider this: how many of those people are truly compatible with me? Nobody ever considers the barriers of culture, religion, language, and economic status that really dwindle down the numbers. Susan and I both speak English, we both aren't religious, we both have the same interests, and we both came from the same kind of background. And while we're at it, how many girls out there are around the same age as I am, within reasonable distance, and not in a committed relationship? To divide this number even further, how many girls are out there who have red hair like Susan? How many girls would find me compatible with them, after all of this division? It's nowhere near seven billion. In fact, sometimes I feel like it's zero.
jobaba Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 I was determined to not just let this be a one night stand. The very next week, I took Susan to a fancy restaurant, and we got to know each other even more. We continued seeing each other fairly often. We would meet up, go somewhere like the park or the mall, hold hands, kiss, and part ways. I met her friends, and she met mine, and our lives were no longer parallel. I thought everything was going perfectly. About a month into our dating, Susan tells me that she needs to talk. She tells me that she "likes me as a friend," but she just doesn't feel attracted to me. I asked Susan about that first night we met, and she said that initially she "really liked me a lot, but it just changed." Then I asked her what I did wrong, and she gave me a cryptic response. Susan told me that I did nothing wrong. She said I'm such a nice and amazing person. She said I'm too perfect for her. Susan said she still wants to be friends. I guess you all can imagine how I felt. I didn't want to just be friends with her. I wanted to be in a relationship with her. It sounds like there is some attraction to you, but she wants more. She wants better looking or more personality. The key will be in the type of men she has dated before or is currently chasing. Is she into pretty boys or buff dudes you can't match, or maybe guys who are a lot more social or interesting than you? Anyway, that is my theory. On the bright side, don't take it as a loss. She WAS attracted to you at one time. That's better than a flat rejection.
dasein Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Your third option is to get out and meet and date more women. Ironically, doing that is probably the only way you will win the attraction of this Susan back. Also ironically, by the time you improve yourself, you will realize that you don't need people in your life who jerk you around. Everyone knows past grade school that it's selfish to keep stirring up feeings in someone to get what one wants once you have ruled them out as a prospect, which in her case is attention for herself. There are better out there than this Susan. People of quality don't keep using those they know, or reasonably should know, are hurting, once you realize that you will be free.
Author Marcus92 Posted November 10, 2011 Author Posted November 10, 2011 Well, I've made a decision. I'm going to stay friends with her, because I think it's the right thing to do. I'm not going to cut off ties with her just because she rejected me. Life is unpredictable, and every person in this world is unique. I don't think it's good to cut ties with people, even if they did hurt your feelings. I know I should be focusing on school more anyway, and I'm just a freshman. Not a lot of people are looking for relationships right now. I need to just get back on my feet, meet some more people, and move forward. Hopefully I'll find another pretty redhead.
USMCHokie Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Her saying she just likes you as a friend says absolutely nothing about you. It just means that she wasn't into you in that way. Leave it at that and brush it off. And your little analysis of the "numbers" in dating is a bit ridiculous...there may not be a billion, but it's certainly more than zero. Your post definitely reflects your age and that's perfectly fine. Keep your head up and watch for that next redhead.
Eddie Edirol Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 (edited) Marcus, I know what happened to you. Since this happened to you twice before. These women hook up with you, the want to date you, and then they lose interest. its cause youre not making yourself a challenge. You let them know too early that you are really into them, and you kill the appeal of a challenge. When you hook up with these women, you cant show them that youre willing to give them your heart right away and take all the work and mystery away from them, they want to work for it. You give them your heart in little bits at a time, but not all at once. They lose respect for you when you give them too much too soon, and then they lose their attraction to you, and they dont get it back. You will always be the guy they will be wrapped around their fingers. So dont be this womans friend, it will bring you nothing but heartache, and you will be wasting your time. She will never want to try again with you, especially when you dont give her at least a year to miss you and change. Let her see you with other women. You have no time to waste, youre a hopeless romantic, and you will fall for another women who is nothing like this one anyway. Edited November 10, 2011 by Eddie Edirol
jobaba Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Well, I've made a decision. I'm going to stay friends with her, because I think it's the right thing to do. I'm not going to cut off ties with her just because she rejected me. Life is unpredictable, and every person in this world is unique. I don't think it's good to cut ties with people, even if they did hurt your feelings. I know I should be focusing on school more anyway, and I'm just a freshman. Not a lot of people are looking for relationships right now. I need to just get back on my feet, meet some more people, and move forward. Hopefully I'll find another pretty redhead. Staying friends? Depends on the woman. I got to know one woman well during college and developed a crush on her. After she rejected me, she proceeded to call every third guy on the street cute, dated TWO of my best friends, and I even got to hear her have sex with one of them. Not good for my pride or ego. And in retrospect not worth it. Another woman rejected me years later after I got to know her well. After I got over her a little, we continued to remain friends, and she actually remained single for quite a while. She remains one of my better friends and that was worth it. I'm also in a position where I'm considering remaining friends with a woman who rejected me. I'd say if she pushes to keep contact, then she really values your friendship. If not, then it's just ehhhh.....
joystickd Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 Well, I've made a decision. I'm going to stay friends with her, because I think it's the right thing to do. I'm not going to cut off ties with her just because she rejected me. Life is unpredictable, and every person in this world is unique. I don't think it's good to cut ties with people, even if they did hurt your feelings. I know I should be focusing on school more anyway, and I'm just a freshman. Not a lot of people are looking for relationships right now. I need to just get back on my feet, meet some more people, and move forward. Hopefully I'll find another pretty redhead. I know for me I would have cut ties with her. I have learned if I say how I feel its all or nothing. I had a situation where someone was attracted to me and talked of wanting something with me then suddenly wanted friendship. It was the worst mistake I have made in my life. It one of the reasons I say if a woman is not interested she should say I'm not interested.
betterdeal Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 (edited) Another option is to change the way you think about it: You got laid with that sexy Susan chick, had fun, saw each other for a couple of dates, but amicably split up. It's all cool, we're on good terms. And be on good terms. You don't need to hang out with her, but you can be friendly in a passing the time of day kind of way. Now, imagine, some other chick out there has her eye on you. She's not going to leap into something that becomes serious immediately; that takes time that sort of thing. She hears about you and Susan, how you guys were cool and you're cool about it. Perfect! She can try before she buys with you instead of Miserable Mike whose notorious for latching onto any woman who shows any interest in him or Angry Adam who calls women names after he sleeps with them and they call it off. Thus, you have become desirable to a lot more women. Throw in some of that gym time you were talking about, spruce up your look , get a haircut and you'll be hot property on campus. You'll be this guy... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GD8AFbD2mmE Okay, maybe not quite like him, but you get what I'm, saying? Edited November 10, 2011 by betterdeal
Recommended Posts