nikkiej Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 It's been almost a month NC for me and my ex, and I'm starting to rebound with another guy. I know I probably shouldn't because nothing good ever comes out of a rebound relationship, but it sure does keep my mind off my ex. What experience have you guys had with rebound relationships? Should I stop before I get in too deep? My whole story with my ex is here... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t304702/
Bobby289 Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Don't! You are not ready if you still think about your ex, it's not fair to you or the new guy. Heal then move on.
eleanorhurting Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 you could become codependent. and you could hurt this other person very very badly.
loversquarrel Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 You will only end up putting off the hurt. You clearly aren't ready and that's ok, but its not a good thing to drag someone else along for the ride.
USMCHokie Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 I'll tell you a personal anecdote that I hope will help a little. I broke up with my ex a little over two years ago, and within a month, I had an opportunity for a relationship with a girl I was really good friends with and had wanted to date before. We hooked up but I told her I couldn't do a relationship because I knew it was a rebound. I felt terrible. Looking back, I know this girl was special and I'm willing to bet the farm that we would have gone the diatance. Of course I regretted not being with her, but if I hadn't taken the year or so afterwards to myself to learn more about myself and how to deal with heartbreak. If I hadn't had that experience, I probably wouldn't have learned anything from the breakup and be destined to repeat the same mistakes. She's happily with someone else now, but I wouldn't have changed a thing. Although it may make you feel better now, it can only lead you to a string of rebounds and no true self discovery and healing. But take it for what it's worth and do what you will.
LelouchIsZero Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 I've never really understood why people get into rebounds.
USMCHokie Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 I've never really understood why people get into rebounds. Instant gratification and external validation of self worth. And sex.
maxy1 Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 i don't think rebounds are good one bit. i was just dumped by my gf of 7 years, and she instantly rebounded and went for the exact opposite type of guy she said she wanted in a relationship (she has said she wants a man with direction, but rebounded for a guy who is 27 - she just turned 23 - and the guy is still in school for philosophy?? and he is a pothead, another quality my ex hates. on top of that, the guy has already made comments about her being a good mom, which she is definitely not ready for). my ex has always been very insecure and has a hard time taking herself seriously. she never asserts herself as much as she could and i feel like she is just rebounding with this guy so she won't have to face reality. i wish she would give herself the time to know herself and to be alone, like she has forced me to do. being alone is hard and ****ing scary, but it makes you a better person and gets better with each day. in short, rebounds are superficial and based on fantasy.
ChelseaLS Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 I agree with everyone here... Rebound is not a good idea. Now I know this isn't sex or companionship, but ever since I joined spin class, I feel great after. I don't think about my ex because I am concentrating on not passing out hehe jk. I meet new people and I am getting in better shape. I am using it as my healthy tool to my break up. Maybe you can find a similar one instead of a rebound.
USMCHokie Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 in short, rebounds are superficial and based on fantasy. And even moreso, convenience.
LelouchIsZero Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Instant gratification and external validation of self worth. And sex. I'm aware of those apparent "reasons", if you'd even call them that. I just really dislike the whole idea of a rebound & find that the people who start them tend to be weak & selfish (in most cases). If the person is unaware of your intentions, then you're just leading them on & about to put them through excruciating pain. It doesn't even make any sense either, as why would anyone want to cause relationship related pain to someone else, when they themselves already experiencing it & are aware of the pain that it can cause.
toosoft Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Rebounds rarely work... been there, done that, got the t-shirt... and so has my ex... If you still have thoughts/feelings for your ex, they will destroy any relationship you try to get into at the moment. Give yourself time
wilsonx Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 (edited) Here's the thing, you can't judge people based on what they do. They made the decision to go with who they want to go with. Its their choice. Does it hurt? Absolutely. But you can make a huge change in your life and own your self and your own feelings. Everyone here is listing off the SAME QUALITIES for people that rebound or do the grass is greener. The SAME QUALITIES. Here is where you can learn and grow from this. #1 Don't date insecure people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #2 Watch rebounders for several reasons listed in this thread. #3 Learn to conquer rejection. (If you can conquer this, you are so far ahead of the game) #4 Stand up for yourself. I read threads here all the time where people are still living with their ex, being manipulated by their ex, etc etc. #5 Stay away from negative people. I was at Barnes and Noble today and I read something out of a toxic person book and its absolutely true "Fondness breeds contempt" Make these your personal boundaries. All these red flags you had from your previous relationship, change them for you and your next relationships. You guys/gals have no concept of how excited and glad I am that my ex did what she did to me. I'm living my life, meeting new fun and exciting people, have 200 dollar rejection game bets twice a week. Its just fun. You have got to pick up, figure out what you want to do and do it. Edited November 8, 2011 by wilsonx
Sugarkane Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 I wouldn't really recommend it. I ended up getting even more hurt. And you're hurting alot, so you end up making bad choices. I ended up making the same mistakes again. The guy was a jerk and it ended very badly.
Sugarkane Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 So you end up trying to get over the rebound aswell.
mike588 Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 It's been almost a month NC for me and my ex, and I'm starting to rebound with another guy. I know I probably shouldn't because nothing good ever comes out of a rebound relationship, but it sure does keep my mind off my ex. What experience have you guys had with rebound relationships? Should I stop before I get in too deep? My whole story with my ex is here... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t304702/ I reconnected with an old friend of mine from many,many years ago and she was fresh out (3 weeks) of a 1 1/2 year relationship. We started dating and things were great between us. I knew she still had some feelings for her ex. but assumed she would get over him (red flag) she told me that I did everything right, treated her so well etc. and that he did everything wrong and that she was so happy,loved me and would NEVER EVER go back to him blah blah blah. We dated almost a year then 3 months ago she dumped me hard to go back to him! Needless to say I was shattered and paid a heavy price for getting involved with someone who still had feelings for an ex. She never had time to heal from their breakup and I was used as an "emotional bandaid" during her difficult time after the breakup. Please don't string this guy along,, take time to heal,, it's so unfair for this new guy.
silly_panda Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Don't do it... You may also end up doing something which is a really big mistake that you wished that you would never do and there is no way to turn back... This is happening to my ex rite now... And it's not fun at all... Seeing her like that rite now makes me sad... So please rethink, rethink and rethink before you even decide to do something...
maxy1 Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 And even moreso, convenience. yea, not having to deal with what's wrong with yourself and have someone else there immediately post-breakup t make you feel good is pretty convenient i'd say.
radiodarcy Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 i was used as a rebound. i fell in love with him too. not only that - - he was my first. i can't begin to describe the pain i went through when he dumped me. rebounds may be comforting. but they can be hell if the reboundee develops feelings for the rebounder. as a result of what i went through i am extremely leery of any guy who tells me he has so much as residual feelings for his ex-girlfriend and/or continues to keep contact with her in any way (whether it's facebook, text, whatever); especially if it's been less than a year since they broke up.
PositiveNegative Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 I started dating my current ex one week after my previous relationship ended. One week. I was such an idiot for doing it. I remember mentioning my previous ex so many times during that first month of the relationship, my then girlfriend never dumped me though because she we were just so infatuated with each other. I didn't take time to myself and didn't learn anything from the break up. Well, despite being a rebound we were together for 16 months, but I regret jumping into the relationship with her. It probably wouldn't have saved our relationship but it would've given it a much better foundation. History repeats itself though. My ex met a guy the week she ended it and started dating him less than 3 weeks after we ended. A classic rebound. I'm alone now for the first time in almost four years and I can honestly say that it is vital that you take time to grieve and realize the mistakes you make during a failed relationship.
jsd43953 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Lets just say I am in the reboundee category and it sucks. When you look back no matter how much you love, no matter how much you pamper it is just wasted energy. You'll be told everything you want to hear in return because in essence you are providing what the other person wants. But just like any wound you need to take the band-aid off to let it completely heal. When that happens good-bye Mr. Reboundee thanks for being the paroxide to ge the germs out my wound, but now I dont need you. Cut the poor guy loose I beg, cause it hurts like hell when you get those walking papers and its not your or in this case his fault.
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