remember_eve Posted May 21, 2004 Posted May 21, 2004 I am going through a break-up right now and it is causing so much emotional turmoil. I dated this guy (let's call him Tom) for about eight months even though I've known him for five years and we've dated in the past. He pursued me, I was a little reluctant at first but found myself falling in love with him. During the time we were together, I met his family. He has never met mine. I guess the reason was that I wasn't ready yet. I wanted to make sure that he was the real thing and that I was serious enough about him to take that next step. I was also insecure about how he felt about me. Even though I met his family, I still felt disconnected to him somehow. I think one of the reasons why was because he was not openly intimate or affectionate. Or maybe it was my own insecurities. I am not sure. I would ask him on occassion how he felt about me and he would respond with the normal "of course I care about and love you." I think eventually the fact that he never met my family and me asking him for reassurance wore on him. My mother was diagnosed with cancer in February and died a month later. during this time, I didn't have time to spend with Tom. Also because of my grief, I became very withdrawn. I didn't return his calls let alone call him as often as I should. He was great, he called me and emailed me messages telling me that he loved and missed me, that he was there if I needed him. I never told him how much I appreciated it that. A couple of weeks ago, Tom told me that he wasn't feeling the same about us anymore. He said that things were different and that we should take a step back in our relationship. He wanted to think things over. I was hurt and surprised. I thought that he would be there for me, that he understood what I was going through. He told me that he would be there for me but only as a friend.. He said many confusing things but he kept reiterating that he wanted to "take a step back". I took it to mean that he wanted to break up, wanted to be friends. i tried telling him how I felt and how much I appreciated him. I wanted to work it out, fix my mistakes, but he was adamant about taking a step back. I was soo hurt. To save myself from further pain I told him that I couldn't have it that way. If it was ending, it had to end then. That meant that we wouldn't have further contact. That was it. It was so hard. I couldn't sleep that night. Within a span of a couple months, I lost the two people whom I loved dearly. I heard from my friend that Tom said that he loved me but was not in love with me. I sent him back his stuff and now we are meeting next week to get mine. I am not sure why he won't send it. I am truly hurt and I can't get over him. I am not sure what i should have done, or more importantly what I should have done better. I miss him and love him. What should I do.
olderisnowiser Posted May 22, 2004 Posted May 22, 2004 I am so sorry to tell you this, but you will understand when the pain goes away, I was this guy, My sister gave me the best advice, "if you have reservations about this relationship, then as much as it is going to hurt you need to let it go, and life will continue, but you need to be there for it." He was trying to let you go gently, cause it hurt him to say "end" damn it hurt me, after the pain goes contact him, just say thanx, cause when you can do that, you have found what you where after all along and this experience helped to pave that path to the next.
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