khele2k Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 I think part of the reason girls fall for so many ****ty guys while there's great guys out there who can't get a date is because of a false understanding of confidence. I have friends who don't do well with women because they clam up around them, but they're extremely confident in every other way because of their character and accomplishments. At the same time I have friends who are playboys and yet they sleep until mid-afternoon and show many signs of depression. Too often women mistake nervousness for diffidence. If a guy's nervous he's into you. You're so attractive to him he's a little intimidated. If he thought you were ugly he wouldn't have even opened his mouth. When I have someone come in for an interview and I can tell they're nervous I try my best to make them feel welcome, maybe compliment their suit or talk about what impresses me with their resume. When they realize they have no reason to fear me that's when I find out the kind of candidate that person really is.
Feelin Frisky Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 Yes, there's a great deal of misperception. I think the dynamic us easier to understand though than to chalk the "good guys not getting the girls" to "nervousness" versus others who don't appear so. Lot's of young women--especially in America which is very short on social development and long on authority which breeds rebelliousness, there is a good amount of "mob" mentality in the post pubescent female sociosphere. First of all, what females want most is to "want". Nice guys who make it too easy get over-looked and a lot of young women like the feeling of building want for something that is more challenging. Often that can be an aloof, undeserving a-hole who just happens to appear like a worthy challenge. There is a lot of youthful status dynamics also among females themselves to "get" the "wanted" and be the one who does and not the one's who don't. This is all what I call "social defaults"--it's nothing more than animal behavior with language and automobiles. Many women find they have made mistakes and that peers don't matter after a certain age and then choose better. Some never lose the romance of winning the unwinnable and outdoing the others--whether they (the others) still exist and care or not. "Nervousness" is a much smaller factor in this bigger game. It's not as much a determinant early on as girls needing to feel the want of something that is not easy to have. Even "nervous" guys could have game if they understand how to carry themselves and what NOT to do to give themselves away as a "dweeby self-interested guy who can't be nice enough to try to get a girl to like him". He doesn't need to be mean, aloof, fake, put on airs--he just really needs to see the backbone of the game and make himself someone worthy of want.
kaleidoscope Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 What if you DO get the girl after understanding the "game". Do you have to keep up the game? Or another option is not to play any games and just be yourself. Your best self. Then you don't have to play some charade with a girl. Too much work for me. I'd rather be myself and find a girl down to earth enough to see the real me and like the real me.
Rabid Ferret Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 The whole game of attracting women is needlessly complicated. Ultimately you can't treat the girl you want to date like a girl you want to date. It's rather stupid and has completely obliterated any hope I have in dating ever in my lifetime.
LynnieBear Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Nice guys are ugly, fit guys are mean, fit nice guys are gay. This is the only problem.
LynnieBear Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 If a guy sleeps till mid afternoon and shows signs of depression, I don't care, as long as he's hot. I sleep till mid afternoon... we'd be perfect for each other.
Feelin Frisky Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 (edited) What if you DO get the girl after understanding the "game". Do you have to keep up the game? Or another option is not to play any games and just be yourself. Your best self. Then you don't have to play some charade with a girl. Too much work for me. I'd rather be myself and find a girl down to earth enough to see the real me and like the real me. The "game" is not something you play in my scenario. It is something you transcend. And when you're able to do that, you start mastering the butterflies and the gushing and the blundering into "chasing" what you want and start having a natural mystique that makes you a person of interest to women. If you then become successful at attaining a relationship, you will not have been playing a game you have to worry about--you'll will have simply been understanding the importance of "want" and will know when you're being "had" too much and need to do things to revive "want". I'm not making this up as I go, I really believe that this is a simple structure behind so much of what people do--right or wrong. It's very much like knowing the difference between "selling" and "marketing". If you "sell yourself" to a young women (especially one who is still wrapped up in her young adult social cliques), you are far more likely to be rejected whereas if you "market" yourself for "buyers" to choose--someone will want to buy into your world. It never really changes and is repeated generation after generation. (I wish someone could have imparted this to me a long time ago rather than having to carve it out of reason the hard way over time though. I'd bet the farm I'm right by and large.) Edited November 8, 2011 by Feelin Frisky
doushenka Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 FWIW, genuine confidence, security in oneself, and something of a natural air of authority have always sent me weak in the knees. Darling has all three, but it took him until his late forties to find it, and I don't know about the other youngish women out there, but I'd rather date older than put up with half-grown "men" who don't have the kind of natural mystique of which FF speaks. He's also not traditionally hot. He's tall and dark, yes, but he has a belly and a bit of salt in his pepper. He still carries himself in such a way that women my age envy me. (I'm 25.) He's genuine with everyone, he's taken the time to learn how to dress himself, and he's genteel. No games involved. My age group needs to figure out what really matters in a man. The women need to stop paying attention to men who don't have it, and the men need to get it a lot earlier than they're accustomed to getting it now!
kaleidoscope Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 Feelin Frisky, you are likely right. If anything is marketed right, people buy it. If what a guy is doing isn't working with the ladies, nothing wrong with changing it as long as its who you want to be. I disagree with LynnieBear indicating that nice hot guys are homosexual. Terrible stereotype. Too many people in this world for that to be true. doushenka, mystique is interesting.....how to create it would be great for guys to know. How cruel to say that women should stop paying attention to men "who don't have it". Sometimes its not about whether someone "has it" at this point in time. How about paying attention to people who are willing to understand and learn how to get it. It even took your boyfriend quite some time to "find it". Anyways, all of this attraction **** falls to pieces when you really love someone. Then you'll love them when they have the flu and are all snotty anyways.
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