steve566 Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 So after 2 months of pain, my ex came back saying she misses me and wants to try again. This was after many failed attempts by me at getting her back, after which i went no contact and told her she needed to leave me be because i was moving on. One week later she came to me asking for a second chance. So fast forward to today, she leaves school early and calls and says shes coming over unannouced... first time were gonna hang as a "reunited couple". I hadnt planned anything for us to do so we ended up just hanging around the house watching movies. After awhile she said that it really didnt feel like we were that excited to see each other and it already seems like shes having second thoughts. Its sucks because i didnt know she was coming and would have liked to have planned something so i told her maybe she should go home so we could go out tonight for a nice dinner and some drinks. I really dont want to screw this up but it was already pretty akward when she came over earlier. What do i do? I told her that we cant fall into the same routine we were in before but it hasnt even been 24 hrs and i feel like that already happened. We dated for 2 years and i told her its gonna take sometime to get that comfort level again and it doesnt happen instantly.
ChelseaLS Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 So after 2 months of pain, my ex came back saying she misses me and wants to try again. This was after many failed attempts by me at getting her back, after which i went no contact and told her she needed to leave me be because i was moving on. One week later she came to me asking for a second chance. So fast forward to today, she leaves school early and calls and says shes coming over unannouced... first time were gonna hang as a "reunited couple". I hadnt planned anything for us to do so we ended up just hanging around the house watching movies. After awhile she said that it really didnt feel like we were that excited to see each other and it already seems like shes having second thoughts. Its sucks because i didnt know she was coming and would have liked to have planned something so i told her maybe she should go home so we could go out tonight for a nice dinner and some drinks. I really dont want to screw this up but it was already pretty akward when she came over earlier. What do i do? I told her that we cant fall into the same routine we were in before but it hasnt even been 24 hrs and i feel like that already happened. We dated for 2 years and i told her its gonna take sometime to get that comfort level again and it doesnt happen instantly. It certianly won't feel the same right away and sounds like that is what she was expecting. It's unfair for her to just come over unannounced and expect sparks to be flying. It's going to be awkward at first. It's going to have to be slow and gradual. I would say don't jump back in head first. Slowly, and I wouldn't start seeing eachother everyday either. What did she say when you told her to go home and get ready for dinner and drinks tonight?
Author steve566 Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 She said maybe i was right and we kissed and she went home. I told her that its going to be a bit akward at first especially since she dumped me and that i need to ease into the relationship and we need to date each for awhile before we can just be at that comfort level of just hanging out with nothing to do. I suggested a bunch of fun things we could do when she got there but she said she was just in the mood to relax. This is a terrible feeling especially after how long i have wanted to get this chance. Maybe tonight will make up for what happened this afternoon.
ChelseaLS Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 She said maybe i was right and we kissed and she went home. I told her that its going to be a bit akward at first especially since she dumped me and that i need to ease into the relationship and we need to date each for awhile before we can just be at that comfort level of just hanging out with nothing to do. I suggested a bunch of fun things we could do when she got there but she said she was just in the mood to relax. This is a terrible feeling especially after how long i have wanted to get this chance. Maybe tonight will make up for what happened this afternoon. Well I wish you the best and I hope it works out for you as this seem to be what you really want. But be prepared for hurt all over again. I am not saying it is going to happen, but it's best to be prepared when we open ourselves up to a second chance again. I am trying to get to that second chance with my ex right now, but I know I have to be ready for it to go the other way and to be hurt all over again... but it's a risk I am willing to take. Good Luck.
Author steve566 Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 ask yourself this question : im i willing to be in a relationship with someone who isnt attracted to me ? think deep and hard ouch... believe me i have thought about all possible outcomes but unless you take charge and try youll never know what will happen... called her a lil while ago and told her that i didnt like how things were left at my house and that is exactly what i didnt want us to do together. Told her we HAVE to take it slow and see if the chemistry is still there. About to go to her house to pick her up for dinner and drinks so we'll see what happens, just gonna go out with the mind set of haveing fun.
M2155 Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 I don't think you can jump back into a relationship. You've hardly been apart long enough to "forget" the old relationship you know? I don't think you should have to plan anything in order to feel excited/happy to see each other. If you think you really want to be with this girl, you need to hold her off some more and don't decide right away, the ball is in your court. Take it slow and tell her you want to take some time before committing again.
Author steve566 Posted November 10, 2011 Author Posted November 10, 2011 well figure i would update... we went out to dinner the other night and had a good time, non stop conversation, lots of eye contact, laughing, hand holding. We walked around downtown after dinner then went and had a beer. After 3 hrs together i brought her home and we talked for a bit and then kissed for awhile... at this point i said okay time to go home and said good night. Figured its best to keep her hopefully wanting more.. We've talked and texted the past couple days and have made plans to hang out tomorrow afternoon. So, so far so good, as long as i keep keep us from getting caught in a slump (sitting around doing nothing) and keep it fun i think we are off to a good and slow start.... any advice?
wilsonx Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 The second time around hurts worse then the first.... Be prepared. It's your life, you do what you think is best of it. I am a hard core advocate of no second chances. If someone leaves me because "they aren't attracted to me"(aka they are attracted to someone else, there's the door... see ya). The fact that you aren't confident in yourself to know what to do shows that you are going to be walking on the proverbial eggshells to make sure you dont **** up, while she has free rein now to go out and see who ever she wants because you have just acknowledged to her that this type of behavior is acceptable to you. Thats my 2 cents
raymondebontrager Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 So after 2 months of pain, my ex came back saying she misses me and wants to try again. This was after many failed attempts by me at getting her back, after which i went no contact and told her she needed to leave me be because i was moving on. One week later she came to me asking for a second chance. So fast forward to today, she leaves school early and calls and says shes coming over unannouced... first time were gonna hang as a "reunited couple". I hadnt planned anything for us to do so we ended up just hanging around the house watching movies. After awhile she said that it really didnt feel like we were that excited to see each other and it already seems like shes having second thoughts. Its sucks because i didnt know she was coming and would have liked to have planned something so i told her maybe she should go home so we could go out tonight for a nice dinner and some drinks. I really dont want to screw this up but it was already pretty akward when she came over earlier. What do i do? I told her that we cant fall into the same routine we were in before but it hasnt even been 24 hrs and i feel like that already happened. We dated for 2 years and i told her its gonna take sometime to get that comfort level again and it doesnt happen instantly. Second chances are much sweeter than the first that why if you could sense that she serious.Why Not...Love is sweeter that the first.
Author steve566 Posted November 15, 2011 Author Posted November 15, 2011 well, its been a week and everything already went to hell. We went out to dinner a few more times and stayed in contact everyday... then she started acting really awkward and distant. Last night i called her out and asked what was going on, she said it doesn't feel the same as before and that she doesn't know what she wants, i told her its gonna take work and that if we love each other we should keep trying. She said that if it was meant to be we wouldn't have to work for it... wtf I'm so over this and frustrated. Am i crazy for thinking that there is going to be a bit of an akward phase in the beginning mainly because i had my heart broken and need to ease back into it. I think she expected sparks to fly from the start but i still had my guard up. She is still putting herself in a position where she has to choose between me and her family and i don't understand what to do about that.
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