goingnumb Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 My husband and I have been married for 19 years - together for 18. We met in our early 20's - now in our early 40's. We have five children together. This summer we made a move to another state, although my husband kept his job in our old state because the market is so horrible. We moved for the schools in this state as we (me) formerly homeschooled all of our kids. So there are many pressures right now, but our relationship has really gone down hill over the past three years or so. My husband is a drinker, though I wouldn't call him an alcoholic, he does take in a lot. I suppose we hit our bottom last week. We lost power for five days during a storm so tensions were running high. I wanted desperately to go to a hotel. He insisted no because of money. At any rate we got into an all out screaming match (had maybe only three or four of these over the past 19 years). He kept talking over me so I yelled Shut Up to him and he approached me, arm cocked and fist clenched. I pointed to my cheek and said, "Go ahead" he didn't and walked away. Later in emails he said I "deserved to be hit" for yelling in front of the kids and disrespecting him. He reiterated this three more times. Our intimacy issues are in the toilet. I haven't wanted to be intimate with him for a couple years now. I am on antidepressants so my libido is low anyway and I suffer from chronic migraines, but mostly I think I have emotionally detached from him. I love him, but I no longer desire to be intimate. He's been telling me for a long time he's not happy with this aspect. I feel we crossed a line. I worry that even though I have always felt safe with him - the next time might be the time he follows through. He hasn't apologized for his remarks and basically we have been going through email hell. He still skypes the kids but we are not communicating. He keeps telling me (for years now) that my views are "distorted". He once "took advantage of me" while I was under the influence of sleeping medication (for chronic insomnia) KNOWING that sometimes black outs occur if I am awakened on the medicine. I only found out later when he told me what he had done. My trust in him completely shattered. Now he is saying my "take" on what happened is "distorted". I never realized how low my self esteem was until we actually had time to separate with him commuting every other week. I am gaining my sense of self back but we, as a couple are falling apart. I'm just lost.
Lost_Spirit Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 I'm very sorry for your troubles and pain. I want to recommend you reading my thread "I pushed my husband away"..... I can relate to the no libido and please hear me when I tell you to do something to try fix this! This was a huge reason I am now separated from my H. Once the intimacy ends then there is a domino effect of all sorts of other problems which I have gone through. Please read on my thread explained from a few men on how this makes them feel when there is no intimacy. I can understand your H's stress in all of this. You are living apart, he is trying to support all of you from afar. You need to find something to replace taking the anti depressants. Mine was caused from menopause. Please talk to your H and don't stop talking, get him to explain how this makes him feel. I wish I had - now it may be too late. I cannot stress this enough. Seek help from your doctors or homepathy in your libido issues. Bless you http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t305499/
Tiberius Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Looks like you are too busy with yourself atm to have a relationship.
Sooner or Later Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 You do realize that he raped you if he had sex with you while you were unconscious b/c of the sleeping pill?
Author goingnumb Posted November 9, 2011 Author Posted November 9, 2011 Looks like you are too busy with yourself atm to have a relationship. Um, yeah. Thanks. I raise and take of six children BY MYSELF and work almost full time and have to give a husband whose sexual cravings are in overdrive the time and "closeness" he needs. Yeah, I am too busy with myself getting my nails and hair done in the 15 minutes of alone time I have for myself - which is usually in my shower. We had s&x two times and apparently i was fully awake and alert, but I had taken the sleeping pill too early, so it was more like a black-out and he probably had no clue that I would have no memory. That being said the OTHER time I was completely asleep and it wasn't full-fledged intercourse, but he did, how shall I put this? Have his way in some areas. But, yeah, it definitely, *I think* is "violating" in some way isn't it?
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