My Girfriend Broke up with me after 5 years together..

[JerBear Diablo]

My girlfriend broke up with me after 5 years. This happened roughly almost 3 months ago now.. To be honest it was very sudden and I've never been in a 5 year relationship nor has she an I never felt for someone the way I feel when I was with her, I truly love her and want nothing more then to work things out, start a new and spend my life with her side by side and hand in hand..

 

We met 5 yrs. ago one night, it was fate, just moved to a new town and the night we met should have never happened she was to leave that day for good. She was delayed a week to move back 9 hours south to another state. when our eyes connected the room stopped, we asked back and forth who each other was to others, the end of the night, like a movie or a dream she was on the dance floor, pointed at me, so i looked around like ME?? She said yeah you, so we shook our **** and danced. the end of the night we were like 2 kids, didn't know who should give who there number.. Non the less we hung out for a week, never had sex or anything.. She moved away and we talked for 3-4 months everyday online or on the phone, just getting to know each other more, missing one another.. eventually I drove 9 hours to where she lived w/ a truck and trailer and said lets start a life together and we did.. Things like that i don't think happen everyday, that's a lot to just forget about.

 

We were happy for many years, we never fought, argued or anything, a disagreement or two from time to time but we always worked it out.. We came out of messed up past relationships, i walked in on my ex wife having sex w/ someone after I got back from Iraq, she had been cheated on and **** over by guys repetitively. We moved 3 yrs. ago and had some really rough times, not with each other but just problems surrounding us.. We used to communicate all the time and slowly it began to diminish because of the stress.. Non the less 6 months ago I remember us cuddled on the couch watching walking dead, our sex life and love life started to get funner and we seemed the happiest we had ever been.. We then had a lot of problems, we got evicted, were living in the back of the tattoo shop i worked in for a few months trying to raise money for a new place, she quit her job and things got crazy for a bit. we started getting negative w/ each other all the time and we've never been like that before, started seeing sides of each other we had never seen before.. She then started being secretive, wouldn't let me touch or look at the cellphone. I'm 31 and she's 28, she started hanging out w/ teenagers 17-19 yrs. old all the time..

 

Then one night we our the first big argument.. She said she needed time and space and wasn't sure what she wanted in her life right now and wasn't sure if it was me anymore, packed a bag and left that night.. To be honest I've never been this deep into a relationship before and I honestly didn't understand what that meant nor what to do, how to act or anything and I've been hurting, struggling and a complete disaster till now still. I can't sleep, lost weight, I dream about her all the time, some good and some bad.

 

I have fears though, never being through anything like this before I was calling her all the time, going to where she lived to try and talk to her about it, I persisted, sobbed and told her that i loved her, missed her and just wanted to make things work and start again.. I wrote her a 3 page letter explaining that I had time to reflect on myself and on our relationship, explained my faults, mistakes, insecurities but I just wanted to prove my worth to her as her boyfriend. I know I had neglected spending time w/ her and our relationship but not intentionally, that i over 5 yrs. although things have been rough we can wok through this together. And now I see clearly that I never want to do that or make her feel that way again. I want to give her my all and the more I still have left to give.. I said sometimes you need a kick in the balls to wake you hell up and make you realize.. I told her everything that mattered and how much I wanted to give her the time and space she needed to figure things out.. Non the less it was very sincere and heart felt..

 

My problem is I can spill my heart onto paper for her so beautifully but when I see her I turn into an emotional disaster because I want so much to be with her again.. i know actions speak louder then words and pain is easier to remember then happiness is. I fear I have pushed her away to the point that she now hates me, want nothing to do with me because I didn't allow her at all what she asked for.

 

I've reached out to our best friend's, my mom, and her mom has helped every step of the way. She feels her mom is taking my side now, which is not the case, but thats because she's reserved and won't open up to anyone, not me, not her mother or our friends.. Just bottling it all up.. I've taken a new route and trying to be transparent, no communication and feel it better and safer that i get out of dodge for a few months to clear my head and allow her to do the same and work on yourselves..

 

I currently found out she had been talking to a 18-19 kid for a while now, a jobless loser w/ no ambition, he sleeps at her place everyday, all his stuff is in her room and I found a cell phone on the ground by her truck where she lives a few months back.. I picked it up thinking it may have been her roommates, soon discovered that she was the wallpaper, there were pics she had been sending him even before we broke up and texts saying how lonely her bed was without him in it and how she loved him so so much etc. It really destroyed me. I confronted her and gave her the phone back, she denied anything was happening and now I know there having sex.. It's only been 3 months since the break up, after what i felt was 5 beautiful yrs. together.. She didn't seem to waste anytime and again she's 28 years old and he's a 16-17 yr. old kid.

 

She has told me its definitely over, here's definitely no chance and time to move on, but she refuses talk to me about anything, gets pissed off and easily annoyed almost instantly, even the look on her face when she see's me is upsetting to me.. She's just not acting like she was 2 months before we broke up. Non the less I don't know if it's a phase, or if she still has feelings for me deep inside, if she still cares for me or is thinking about me.. I feel she has too after that long, I know I sure do.. 5 yrs. is something we've never done before, that's a long time and how can you give up on 5 yrs. in the wink of an eye and move on so quickly?

 

I love her w/ all my heart and soul and I hope allowing us both this time and space that we can eventually start over but to be honest my trust is skewed and wouldn't know how to play it if she does call me one day and wants to talk, apologize or want to start again. I want to spend my life w/ her and make her my wife, that was my plan for this halloween being horror fans and it's our favorite holiday. I wish I could have that feeling and her back. to hold her, gaze into each other eyes again like we used to, hold her tight and close, never let her go and tell her how beautiful she is, how much she means to me and how much I love her. I and so many feel we're meant to be together, even our families. But she's the only one who knows the answers and remains silent and doing what she's doing..

 

I know I made a lot of wrong moves and mistakes during this break, I mean a lot of wrong moves, but love makes you do crazy things right and I've never been down this road before.. I've remained true non he less because that's the kind of person I am. I've written here poetry, I painted a gorgeous huge portrait of her for our anniversary this past April. Romantic things spontaneously from time to time like flowers and gifts.

 

We were best friends, partners, lovers and a beautiful couple and now that seems an impossibility of ever happening again, non the less I still have hope for us. I just don't know if it's over, if's she's just confused and scared, or what the deal is w/ her.. I don't know what I should do, aside from being transparent or mysterious, taking sometime to work on me and being happy again an let her do the same.. I'm just so lost in all of this.. Do I wait for her to call? We were so much in love and I think it was blurred out and lost in the fog of all the stress, depression and hard times we were going through, on top of my mistakes and neglect, etc. but I also know love and relationship is a 2 way st. Can anyone help walk me through this, have advise or been in something similar to this..

[Majkl]

It's simple, focus on yourself and become stable, confident, strong man.

 

Dont waste a second of your time on her, just move on, right now.

Why? She has. I tried everything to get my ex back... Once they're gone they're gone, if they decide to come it will be because they want to, there is nothing you can do to reverse that. Thats just my own point of view.

 

Focus on yourself, friends and work...

[TheDovic]

Hey dude.

 

Bottom line is she broke up with you because she was unhappy. She probably wasn't 100% sure at the time of the break this was the best thing to do but chasing after her like this will help her come to that conclusion. Begging, pleading or making grand gestures will not work... they haven't worked for anyone I've seen on this site so I've no reason to believe your situation will be any different. In fact, there's evidence to suggest it's pushed her further away!

 

Getting an ex back appears to be an extremely difficult thing to do, but any people I've seen or heard of doing this have had one thing in common... they've all got their **** together! They have given themselves the chance to heal (maybe not totally, but enough that they're no longer begging and pleading with their ex any longer) and to be a happy person again. Only then do they have the chance of appearing attractive to their ex again.

 

So my advice is to go NC until you heal, and only then should you contact her. You can keep doing what you're doing now, but you can see yourself this is not working and is only causing you more pain. I know it must be unbearable to think of her with someone else, but showing up or calling her will not change this!

 

PS, stop making this about you and her as if it's an argument i.e. her mum is on your side! There shouldn't be any sides dude. If this is set up as you versus her then she will only resent you more, so bow out of her (and her family's) lives until you heal.