lostinactions Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 Hi. I am very new to this website- Just happened to google something and it popped up. I need to talk- I have no one really to talk to anymore and I just can't keep it in. I know I will get some harsh things said to me, I am prepared for that, but I am hoping there is at least one person who has some good, maybe even personal advice. I am the one who has done wrong. I had an affair with a married man. A married man who was also apart of my family (no blood relation at all!) This affair started because he was not happy in his marriage and I was there to listen and be a friend. One thing did lead to another and ya, you can fill in the blanks. It lasted for awhile and then I met someone. I really liked this guy I met so I ended the affair. But it was harder then I though to end something. I honestly don't remember when or why it started again, I don't remember dates or fact of anything (this was a few years ago) All i do know is some time before I got married it had ended- and it's never started up again, I have never wanted or have even been tempted to cheat. I love my husband, I know those words dont mean much anymore in this day but I deeply and honestly love him. I dont ever want to hurt him and as time goes on I learn more and more about him and I fall more and more in love with him. Every day is a new day and I can't wait to spend it with him. But my past likes to haunt me... So here I am, I had an affair with a married man. It did start out before I met my husband but I did cheat on him while we were dating. I have not nor will I ever cheat on him in our marriage. He does not know. However, this married guy- he told. He told everything to his wife and now people know. Again, this man was in my family... therefore people who know are also in my family. Everyone who does know has forgiven me. But things are not the same. I dont talk to the wife (well, x-wife now) They did get a divorce but it wasn't just because of me- they had other issues. I am ashamed of myself. I can't beleive I did what I did. I hurt so many people and these are all people who love me and I am family. I was a very well respected and admired person... now... not anymore. I fear as if I have been "labeled" as a homewrecker or something. I am just so ashamed. They all have said that they wont tell my husband. They all think it's my choice to tell him. But if we were to go back home things would be very weird. I have my days where I feel as if I should tell him but then I have my days where I dont think I should. I dont know what to do and I dont know who to turn to. I am at a loss... Again, i love my husband with all of my heart- he is my everything. We have a wonderful life together but I have this deep dark secret from my past and I just dont know if I should tell him. Im not sure if one day he will find out- he might and I will have no choice but to face it then but he might not ever find out- I just dont know. Thanks for reading, thanks for the adivce- even if you dont have anything nice to say... I am sorry for what I have done and I do wish I could take it back.
michelangelo Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 You will lose all credibility with your husband if he hears of this from someone other than you.
Bryanp Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 You absolutely must tell your husband. Based on what you have written it will be a matter of time until someone will tell your husband and indeed your credibility will be crushed. It will be so much better if he hears it from you and not from someone else. If he hears it from someone else then he will think there are more lies that you are hiding from him. In short, he will find out eventually. Do you want him to hear it from you or someone else? It should come from you. Good luck.
whichwayisup Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 You owe your husband the truth, it's best that he hear this from you not someone else. As long as the exMM isn't your friend anymore, even though a 'family friend', he shouldn't be a part of your life at all. Anyway, be honest and speak from your heart. Your husband loves you and you say you don't want the exMM, so there's no threat of cheating on your H.
Kidd Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 I read a statistic that in 70% of cases where marital infidelity is disclosed, the couple remains married. But where it is instead discovered, it drops to 35% and only half of those said they were happy. If you love your husband as much as you say, show him the respect of knowing the nature of his marriage. Does he deserve to know the honest truth and to make his own informws decision about spending the rest of his life devoted exclusively to you? You'd also be amazed at what people can forgive when it comes from a truly remorseful spouse. There may well be a terrible aftermath. I do recommend reading "How to help your spouse heal from your affair" before you disclose it. You need to be prepared and you must avoid the typical mistakes. Good luck. Please let us know how it goes. We appreciate success stories and I see one coming here.
PhoenixRise Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 You should tell your husband. This secret involves your family and a situation that hurt family members. It will not stay a secret. It will go so much better if you tell him yourself before he hears it from anyone else. Just tell him the truth.
jnj express Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 You need to tell your H.----hopefully he will understand, as it was basically before you met him You do not want someone to "out you" at a family gathering, it could happen if someone is drunk, and blabbing You also, seem to be festering from guilt, and that isn't gonna get any better----just tell your H., and be done with it---get it into the open, and it's over----you have done nothing wrong while married, so there should not be repercussions-----BUT------ You should know, your H. may not trust you completely from the time you tell him, but that goes with the territory---but he will trust you a lot less, if he hears this from someone else
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