Spriggins Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 (edited) Hi all, top of the mornin', So I'm new here and obviously had a recent setback in my love life, hence the membership. I want my ex lady back (the break-up happened a month ago), but based on past experience, I knew I had to let her go and discover herself (I'm another victim of Grass is Greener Syndrome). But I digress... this won't be about me... Here's my question: As I've researched how to handle such a disastrous time in one's life, the definition of "No Contact" has been conflicting and I want to make sure I'm not missing something. So what is it? A. No Contact means absolute zero communication with the ex. If she texts, calls, emails, Facebook messages... does that mean you do not recipricate any communication back at all and just give yourself a mystery to the ex?B. Or, is No Contact a waiting game. Does it mean you do not initate contact until the ex does so, hence you are given a free pass to communicate without appearing needy or desperate, thus retaining your dignity.Any suggestions as to what the proper terminology is would be greatly beneficial. Edited November 7, 2011 by Spriggins
mike111 Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 For me, no contact simply means that - NO CONTACT at all. I haven't had any contact with the person I just left since we parted ways. And that has quickened the healing process immensely.
betterdeal Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 Well, the difference in those definitions you give are in the intention behind it, isn't it? The act itself is like a cooling off period, or a time out, or time in the cooler. It's only a big deal now because there are so many ways to contact someone nowadays. The natural order of things would be (without telecommunications) that if two people fall out, they would not be in contact with each other and would have a hard time to do so. What happens in the future is notoriously difficult to predict. In a month, I'm fairly sure the sun will come up, but not so sure that I will have a job, much less so what the state of play will be between me and someone I have fallen out with. So going cold on someone (i.e. not contacting them with the intent to engender some desire in them, as opposed to not contacting someone in order to calm yourself down) is a long-shot being realistic about it. The other side of such "agnosticism" is that I am often open minded to reconnecting with someone after a period of no contact. To me, it's almost a fresh start. We can define a new relationship, if we're both careful and minded to. But that's not the aim of it, for me. The aim is to not be upset, not be governed or overwhelmed by unsettling, unpleasant thoughts and feelings. The aim is to feel better. In my book.
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