snowloverbaby Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 Friday I finally met with my ex for the first time in 7 weeks. 4 weeks since the break up. It was great to see him. We hugged and kissed. It was strange at first but he opened up after about 30 minutes. He was the dumper. By the time we left after 2 hours, I kissed him several times, we held hands, hugged, said many i missed yous, and had a good meeting. He said he wanted to keep seeing where this is gonna go and take it from there and keep hanging out. He even called me last night and we talked for almost 2 hours. He hasnt called me in weeks. I dont know where its gonna go...but he was strictly NC for about 3 weeks. He would only answer texts if they were confrontational. We have been in closer contact this last week. It was very hard on me. Ive had to trust in not losing my temper again because i did for a bit early into the break up and it pushed him away even more. Its not always important to have the last word or the best word. I still love him and he said he still cares for me and missed me. Im gonna take it one day at a time. Anyone have a similar situation have an advice or a success story?
confused kitty Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 Wow, reading your story it could easily be mine! I suggest keep going the way you are, keep hanging out together and just take things slowly, see how they go you will need to build trust back up thats why I suggest you take your time and ease your way back in.. Im sorry I cant offer much more advise than that as Im still at the same point as yourself but saying hes missed you and still cares for you is a great sign! Il defenitly be subscribing to this post, as Im in need of the same advice! Good luck and fingers crossed eh??
norajane Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 Have you two been talking about the issues that led to your break-up? If not, you probably should. That stuff has a way of coming back up again.
Author snowloverbaby Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 Thanks to those who have read my post. He actually called me Saturday night on his own after his kids went to bed which is huge because he hasnt been lately. Weve also been texting more. I am gonna just take things slowly. He also called me this morning on his way home from work and we talked an hour and i just kept it to work talk and took an interest in him personally and he seemed to like it. We are supposed to hang out this weekend again on Sunday. Im looking forward to it. Im more the aggressor so I asked him if we could hang out this weekend on Sunday on his day off and he said "Yes. We will do something this weekend." So from being NC for awhile and it was ugly between us this is great progress I think. We have talked about things and basically I kept screwing up by saying hurtful things and accusing him of stuff. That wont happen again on my part.
confused kitty Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 (edited) It all sounds very hopefull, just be patient with him its great that hes initiateing more contact this shows hes genuinely interested in spending time with you - just be carefull not to get pushy (I personally find this most difficult as I just want back what we used to have) but take your time its not worth rushing things or him for it all to backfire on you again later on.. Like you said, after being in NC this is great progress, just enjoy spending time with him again for now and everything else will fall into place when the time is right. Im so excited for you ( we both got the chance at getting our guys back!) :-) Keep us posted! Edited November 7, 2011 by confused kitty
Author snowloverbaby Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 (edited) Congrats CK! Its very scary cause its a slippery slope. Pretty much he lives and hour away and we didnt see each other for a few weeks and i made plans and got mad. he was working and it just got to me and a bunch of drama ensued in early October and got ugly. He broke up with me and ignored me for weeks. I mean hed text if i got nasty and said mean things basically cause i knew id get his attention. Dumb....I know. Those things i said just added insult to injury. Friday we had a good time in person and it was nice. Not weird, but different. I mean lately we do text daily to some degree. which i usually initiate. But im glad to just have him back in whatever way possible. Ive missed him but it is weird cause im use to him being there all the time so im getting used to it and putting on my patient pants. LOL! I mean i cant expect things to go right back but im hoping in time. He just wants to see what happens and im willing as long as he doesnt get with any other women during this time. How often do you talk or text your ex? Edited November 7, 2011 by snowloverbaby
confused kitty Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 patients pants? Im dressed head to toe in a patients suit lol My bf/ex ( im still not sure wat to call him) also lives an hour away, we talk most days initiated both ways,(ideally id like more) its very difficult to stop yourself from thinking of the way things "used to be" but Ive found the best way is to be gratefull for this second chance (most people dont get) Ive tryed to tell myself this is a whole new start for us... Hes told me he still loves me very much and doesnt want anyone else in his life, but hes just not 100% ready to get back there just yet but most defenitly wants us to be back together and promises his future is with me- I just have to give him time! So were "friends" right now and we've discussed "dateing" again in the very near future..The chemistry between us is still electric and we're meeting up this Thursday - Im so excited to see him (its been 6weeks) and I know for sure when were together its going to be too difficult to ignore the sparks and stay within the "friend zone" we'l see what happens I guess..... Yes Id love to have our old situation back the way we used to be, but right now Im just grateful I have him in my life at all, and I know with patients we will get back to that point.. Stay positive
Author snowloverbaby Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 Good luck seeing him. I know Im seeing mine/jason Sunday on his day off. Im sure it will get sexual. I guess Im gonna have to see how that goes myself. I cant control myself around time and were talking about going out drinking too which i never do.
confused kitty Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 LOL our stories are so simular its scary!!! Broke up due to simular reasons - both geting second chances - both live an hour away - your guy is Jason, mine is James! haha We too are going for afew drinks when we meet this Thursday, we knew it would most likely be abit awkward meeting again for the first time and thaught it would help settle the nerves - Im a little worried about my willpower though Whats your opinion on sleeping together? Just go with the flow and see what happens or wear a straight jacket and a chastity belt??? lol I cant seem to decide if it would help or make things worse, whats your thaughts??
Author snowloverbaby Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 i think it would bring back the spark if both are willing. I havent had him in 8 weeks. Ive been trying to get him in the bed dammit, so im doing it no matter what. ive been flirting with him big time but hes been a tad colder than normal so today i texted him at 1pm and hes at work. I just texted about things he liked and we texted for 2.5 hours and he actually initiated a sexual text finally. Geeze its been forever since he did that. I say just see how you feel and go with what feels right.
confused kitty Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 Agreed I think your right, it would help bring us closer + we have needs too, they need to recognise that lol. Best of luck for Sunday! Keep us posted with the progress
Author snowloverbaby Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 Let me know how thursday goes too. Im excited to see him like i know you are. I mean if that part of your realtionship was always great...why not? Some people say wait but ive waited a long time. I just wanna be close to him again like im sure you do too.
confused kitty Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 I certainly will keep you posted, I feel like a child on Christmas morning haha
toosoft Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 So nice to hear something really positive... there is so much heartache about normally. I hope it all works out for you!
Author snowloverbaby Posted November 8, 2011 Author Posted November 8, 2011 Okay update......last night we talked for well over an hour on the phone. It was nice and he even said a few things/sayings he hasnt said in forever like "im all yours". Very good for me I suppose. I even got him to give me a kiss thru the phone last night before i hung up. (a muah) I havent got that in 2 months.
norajane Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 (edited) Hes told me he still loves me very much and doesnt want anyone else in his life, but hes just not 100% ready to get back there just yet but most defenitly wants us to be back together and promises his future is with me- I just have to give him time! Whats your opinion on sleeping together? Just go with the flow and see what happens or wear a straight jacket and a chastity belt??? lol Chastity belt. Until he is "100% ready to get back there," you should not be ready for sex. Think about it. Say you have sex. Then what? Your mind will be 10000000% more into him and wanting to get back together, while he goes home still feeling not 100% ready to get back together. He's just more satisfied because he got some. And now he knows he can get some whenever he wants, so there is no rush or need for him to do the hard work with you and resolve your actual issues that led to the break up and that led to him being "not 100% ready". And you'll be left wondering, "what does this meeeeaaannnnn?! we had sex and now he is xyz or he isn't xyz and he didn't call me today (or his text wasn't all loving or whatever)." Why put yourself through that by giving him everything while he's sitting on the fence? Don't you want more than that for yourself? Make him want you. But don't let him have you until he wants all of you. Otherwise, you are short changing yourself and delaying the progress of working on your relationship. Having sex with him if he's still on the fence is not going to get you back together. It will just hurt you more if you have sex and then see that he is still not sure about you. Edited November 8, 2011 by norajane
confused kitty Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Thanks Nora, you raise some good points here, I never saw it from that angle before but i totally see what your saying! What about kissing and cuddeling, is all that ok???
norajane Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 A little kissing is fine, IF, and only IF, you are 100% sure you can limit it to just a LITTLE kissing, and won't give in to him if he tries for more. A kiss good night, for example, is fine. Making out on the couch - NOT fine.
confused kitty Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 God I just wish things were back the way they were, all these boundaries and game playing I hate it all!! Thank you so much once again, Nora Il follow your advice
norajane Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 God I just wish things were back the way they were, all these boundaries and game playing I hate it all!! Thank you so much once again, Nora Il follow your advice Boundaries are healthy if you have self respect. You aren't playing games. You are respecting yourself by 1) choosing to WORK and communicate to resolve the issues in the relationship (otherwise, they come back to bite you in the ass later), and 2) choosing to value yourself and what you want in a relationship more than a quick roll in the hay while you sweep everything else under the rug. You can't have the relationship you want if you accept less.
confused kitty Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Your dead right, we need to get everything sorted again first - our relationship is Far more important than sexual needs right now.. Thanks
confused kitty Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Ok so we were texting earlyer on today ( he igniated contact) texts were light and friendly for over an hour, then I asked "are you still on for meeting tomorrow?" and I havent heard from him since.. Im freaking out big time!!!! I think hes changed his mind and is going to stand me up I already feel gutted and so deflated- ive been so excited to see him and he said he was looking forward to it too, we havnt seen eachother in over 6weeks I feel physically sick- any thaughts??? :-(
So_Overit Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 DON'T SLEEP WITH THESE MEN!!!! Until they are committed to you 100% and tell you Baby I love you, need you, etc., and have their actions back it up for a few weeks. Seriously. The issues that were there before are still there. @Snowlover, hon you will sleep with this guy, and then he will be a jerk again. You accused him of things... what things? Did he address your concerns? You can get STDS from these jerks who are sleeping around... remember that. AND when you keep taking them back and sleeping with them right away, that tell them that THEY are in the right, and that you accept their behaviour (no matter how crappy they treat you, you take it). Geez there are tons of guys out there. Go get new ones!!!
norajane Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 I feel physically sick- any thaughts??? :-( Yes, call one of your friends, or a group of friends, and make some plans for tomorrow night. Anything. Watch a movie, make popcorn, bake chocolate chip cookies. Or go out and have a great meal. Have a great time. Forget him. If your ex is all "what happened? i thought we were going to get together!" Tell him well, I asked you to confirm and you ignored me, so I made other plans. Don't even tell him what you did, it's none of his business. TEACH him the right way to treat you - this is a great opportunity to give him these lessons: "replying to a text 101" "confirming plans 101" "i will not let you take me for granted 101" and "i have better things to do 101"
confused kitty Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 I just cant understand him sometimes! The last we spoke about hanging out was Sunday (he suggested it) and he said "Id like that, Im really looking forward to it :)" we've been chatting since then but I didnt want to keep bringing it up, everything was fine when we were texting earlyer, we were both messing about and having a laugh - and then this...??? Is he maybe freaking out about us spending time together as "friends"?? Im just soo confused the last few days have been great, chatting away with ease with him doing most of the contacting *Sorry for hijacking your thread Snowlover - I hope your geting on better than me!
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