reptilelover88 Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 Hi, I posted here before and got some great advice. I've read lots and lots of posts since then but thought that now was the time to post once more. I'd be grateful for any advice but nothing downright mean please, as I'm feeling rather low right now. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year. I posted before about his lack of contact when we're apart but we managed to work through that by him making more of an effort to contact me and me worrying less about it. In the past couple of months I had finally started to feel secure with him and the signs for the future were good, e.g. he asked me last week whether I'd like to go on holiday with him early next year. But then, this happened... I saw him on Friday night when I was a little bit drunk and unwell. We had a small row, more of a bicker really. We have had much bigger rows in the past (but not for a couple of months). Anyway, he suddenly said to me that he doesn't feel that he's in love with me anymore and that he wants to break up. I was totally shocked and asked him how long he'd been feeling this way. He said a couple of weeks, which confused me even more because the last couple of weeks have been great and we haven't argued for ages. What he was saying just didn't make sense. My boyfriend has suffered occasionally in the past from mild depression and low self-esteem, so I thought that there was a strong chance that it was the depression talking. So I took a risk and said, 'If you walk out of that door now you will never see or speak to me again because I don't do half-relationships and I don't take people back after they have dumped me.' All this is quite true; I wasn't just bluffing. If it is over I would rather have a clean break so I can move on. It is far less painful that way. At this point my boyfriend started to hesitate and cry. I asked him 'So are you in or out?' and he said that he wanted to give it another try. He said that he thinks I'm wonderful - that there is literally nothing I can do to improve the relationship - and that the problems are all on his end. He said that he has been feeling low and emotionally confused, and that although he doesn't love me at the moment he is sure the feeling will come back. Although we were technically still together I felt absolutely awful yesterday. I woke up crying and didn't stop for half the day because I really felt like this was the beginning of the end. All day I was flip-flopping between giving it a try and dumping him. In the end I decided to give it a try and I saw him yesterday evening. We had a fantastic time and also talked a bit about what had happened the previous night. We were both a lot calmer, and he reiterated that he has been feeling emotionally confused but definitely wants to be with me. He didn't say 'I love you' (and neither did I) but apart from that his behaviour was totally normal! If anything he was even nicer than usual (he brought me my favourite cakes from the bakery). What on earth am I supposed to make of all this? I still want to be with him. This is by far the best relationship I have ever had (he says the same) and I don't want to throw it away. But I am very confused about where we stand. This incident has made me feel very insecure again and I hate the feeling that he could dump me again at any moment out of the blue. I'd be grateful for any thoughts or advice. Thanks, Celia
Author reptilelover88 Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 Does anyone have any thoughts..?
justme37 Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 This is very concerning: " he doesn't love me at the moment he is sure the feeling will come back." Real love doesn't go away and come back like a yo-yo. In fact, right now his feelings may seem to him like a Yo-yo. If you want to stick it out, buckle up, because you're in for a bumpy and hurtful ride. If it were me, Id tell him to take some time, figure out exactly what he feels and what he wants and get back to me.
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