longlover1 Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Looking for some advice... So I have been dating a girl for over a year now in college. We were in the same city attending seperate colleges up until a couple months ago since I decided to transfer over half the country away. It was the worst decision I've ever made in terms of I can't stand being away from her. Less than a couple weeks into me starting school and after a whole summer of being together, she decided she wanted to follow me and transfer here. We are very serious and have talked a little of future plans. She visited once a month into the ldr and it was great. Then for some reason a couple weeks later we got into arguing for a couple weeks until I visited her. We only ever argue over stupid stuff thats not worth it. The weekend I visited was horrible. She brought up what is important to us. I told her what is to me and she did too. She has always been into religion, but never brought it up like this. She feels I should already be the spiritual leader in the ldr. We're both of the same faith and I have said I would love to go with her and slowly get into it. There were other things as well, but a week up to me coming she doesn't reciprocate on anything that has to being together such as when we visit each other. Since then though, no arguing and it has been going well, but I still have a gut feeling. Then the other night she says we need a break to figure out what's important to us. At first I refused and said that means breaking up to me and now I am seeing it could be good. During the talk and before she has broken into tears and said she isnt ready for marriage, we're in our early twenties. I have never pressured her on that or even talked about it since we did months ago. She says she still loves me but just isn't feeling happy when she talks to me and doesn't want to fake our relationship. Like she has lost interest? But still loves me so much, says and I say we are best friends and want it to work. I just think she is beggining to feel nervous about the move over here which is soon approaching and how big of a move that is. I just am worried about the break and confused with how she all of the sudden brought religion to the forefront. I know it's cause of the distance and thinking too much. She overthinks things. I am so torn up, I can't imagine not being with her. Why would she want to still come and still love me but need a break? I told her I refuse to be friends, I want it all or nothing. What is going on in her mind? What do I do? Any insite would be great. Also, she is not the kind of person to be seeing or thinking of another guy. Not at all like that.
Bustabrit Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I honestly think it is the distance and her not being able to see you as much as she used to. I think she is overthinking your guys relationship because she cant physically be with you and she has a lot of time to think to her self which can cause overthinking. Take it from a girls who's boyfriend only moved three towns away and my brain is going berserk. She is really trying to figure out if youre worth the long distance relationship and if she should be putting her time into it. I think she wants you to become the spiritual leader because she thinks that is worthy of her time. And also girls tend to overthink until our heads explode.
Author longlover1 Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 That's exactly what I'm thinking is happening. How should I go at this then? Like should I just give her time? I will see her in a couple weeks for a weekend and then 3 weeks after that we'll be together, not in a ldr. Thanks for the advice. It's good to hear a girls pov
Bustabrit Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 Being in a long distance relationship would be very hard. I would give her time, and ask her to pick up some hobbies like yoga and other physical activites that can clear her mind and make her happier. I think that sould work. You also need to talk to her more if the distance effects your relationship. I'm happy to help ha
Author longlover1 Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 Ok, I'll see if she has been doing those things. We talk everyday, I think talking too much has been getting to both of us. Thing is, is that I don't know about talking while taking a break. Haven't heard from her yet. How do you overthink and stick with the relationship? Do you think it could be from the move being big to follow me?
creighton0123 Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 Ok, I'll see if she has been doing those things. We talk everyday, I think talking too much has been getting to both of us. Thing is, is that I don't know about talking while taking a break. Haven't heard from her yet. How do you overthink and stick with the relationship? Do you think it could be from the move being big to follow me? You could both do with a strong lesson in patience: a core virtue in any long distance relationship paired with honest communication rather than cliche lines about love and friendship. Hobbies aren't going to resolve the underlying problems that are there. You both need to sit down face to face and determine exactly what is bothering her, what she likes about the relationship, what she dislikes, and how she feels about the distance and about the idea of moving to be closer to you. Most people who attend college spend the better part of a year deciding which school to go to. The idea of then transferring to another school to be with someone you're romantically involved with is no doubt incredibly difficult. Before you transferred, how happy was she where she currently is?
Author longlover1 Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 I have tried to figure out what is bothering her and what is up. She doesn't know, which is why she thinks the break would be good to figure things out. She still loves me and says she's still coming... She doesn't want to be where she's at. She was happy with me when I was there, but I think this distance is making her think about how serious the move is even though she won't say it. I just don't know what happened over the course of two weeks to make herself think about that other stuff i guess
creighton0123 Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 Longlover, She knows. She's just not capable of conveying it to you, hence her lacking capacity for up front communication. Give her time.
Author longlover1 Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 Not very excited to hear what she has to convey though, Idk what it will be
Author longlover1 Posted November 8, 2011 Author Posted November 8, 2011 What can I do when the time does come to talk? Do I try and rekindle it or is that even possible??/Would going to church and taking that initiative on my own in between now and talking to her do say anything to her?
Lucky_One Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 So everything is in place with the universities for her transfer? All paperwork filed and accepted, all fees paid? Who is paying her tuition? How do her parents feel about her transferring so hastily? Could she be getting pressure from her family and friends?
Author longlover1 Posted November 8, 2011 Author Posted November 8, 2011 Yep, she decided not too long after I left. We have both been very excited for it and everything is set to go. Some friends and family have asked why would she go there. But she wants to come and still wants to even with this
Lucky_One Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Who is paying her tuition and moving expenses? How do her parents feel about the move? Heck, how do they feel about you?? Is this move a good or better thing for her major. or will it slow her down a semester or not give her as good of an education as her current uni?
Author longlover1 Posted November 8, 2011 Author Posted November 8, 2011 Parents. They are fine with it as it's what she wants. They like me a lot as well as the rest of her family. Yes it's a good thing for her major. She's coming for me and for school as well
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