SteveC80 Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Dont listen to the women who say dont be deseprate wait for the right time bla blah blah If you are unattractive to the opposite sex and have got nothing but rejected for your whole teenage and adult life you dont have the luxury to wait for some special connection and ask a girl out every blue moon Chances are not in your favor for any single women you go after so you basically have to hit on hundreds of women in hopes for a yes its just the way it is As i said you dont have the luxury to be overly picky an wait for the perfect women or situation just go balls to the wall and hope for a yes eventually
Cracker Jack Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I think it's a numbers game for many guys, not just unattractive. Sure, some men are attractive enough to be approached by beautiful women, but there are plenty of men who aren't unattractive at all and still can't sit on their ass when it comes to things like this. You can be attractive to women, but you still have to approach them if you hope to get somewhere with them. But yeah, I can't say I disagree with your overall message.
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 And if they all say no, then what? They won't all say no
ScreamingTrees Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 They won't all say no Probably not who that dude wants to be with, sadly. BUT it'd be worse if someone has "settled", as it's not fair for either of them if one person is "settling".. moreso for the person being "settled" for.
somedude81 Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 They won't all say no Maybe not, but how many would I need to ask till I get a yes? Not to mention how tiring getting consonantly rejected would be. Also, where I do even meet women in such numbers that I can pull a machine gun approach?
carhill Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Also, where I do even meet women in such numbers that I can pull a machine gun approach? When I walked these streets, heads turned and, for the first time in my then 39 on this rock, I experienced what it's like for a 'normal' man to actually meet women who enjoyed his attention. I'll also say I enjoyed the men a lot more too. I happened to date a couple of ladies who, despite the difficult economic conditions, were living quite happily and independently where they were and were not that interested in changing those aspects for a man. Other than one-offs like world travel, yeah, it's a numbers game. I went through hundreds between high school and getting married at 41. 99% were straight up rejections, with a few 'string-alongs'. Numbers. Yep.
ptp Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Dont listen to the women who say dont be deseprate wait for the right time bla blah blah If you are unattractive to the opposite sex and have got nothing but rejected for your whole teenage and adult life you dont have the luxury to wait for some special connection and ask a girl out every blue moon Chances are not in your favor for any single women you go after so you basically have to hit on hundreds of women in hopes for a yes its just the way it is As i said you dont have the luxury to be overly picky an wait for the perfect women or situation just go balls to the wall and hope for a yes eventually I tend to agree that it is a #s game, but getting rejected over and over again does take its toll on one's self-esteem. You burn your had enough times you learn not to touch the hot stove. Unattractive guys will always be fighting an uphill battle, but IME during those dry spells, while pursing women, it is also worthwhile to channel that frustration into improving oneself. Whether that may mean changing your body, your clothes, your attitude etc...
ascendotum Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I think it's a numbers game for many guys, not just unattractive. Sure, some men are attractive enough to be approached by beautiful women, but there are plenty of men who aren't unattractive at all and still can't sit on their ass when it comes to things like this. You can be attractive to women, but you still have to approach them if you hope to get somewhere with them. But yeah, I can't say I disagree with your overall message. If you are unattractive, you unfortunately have no choice AND you really have to develop a tough skin AND change yourself to the best of your ability to offset your looks. For instance going to the gym and building a better physique will absolutely be a step in the right direction. I know these guys will hate to hear how they have to work hard in the gym or in their career, when for the vast majority of women this is not the case, for them to have plenty of options, but if you don't change and things will continue to be as they are now. CJ - Yes many attractive guys dont sit on their ass, they work to build all aspects of their life, and get a get a lot more options and better quality options (very attractive women with great careers + personalities), but many dont and still do really well just through having conversations and having the confidence that comes from good looks. Women are much more receptive to these guys, just saying hi to them will get a great vibe conversation flowing from the women + positive body language for the guy to pick up on. The companies I have worked at when a good looking guy became single, many times the single girls there would ramp up the flirting with him, or the attached girls would offer to set him him up on dates with their friends. Here's an example...one of the guys I play sport with is 6'2 big build guy, looks like he'd be in a management position and is. His wife left him and he was really depressed over his marriage breaking up. Over the next say 16 mths he had 4 gfs. All the women (attractive with great $ careers) chatted him up at business seminars, shopping centres, after works drinks, etc. I guess they saw no ring and it was 'heellllllo'. He admitted he made no effort because he was depressed and still in love with his wife. The women invited him out and all had first date sex with him, and in 2 of the cases they knew he was depressed and offered it along the lines of come back to my place and I'm sure I can do something that will cheer you up.' How sweet is that. Different behaviors come into play when you are attractive. Dating is so much easier if you are attractive, and unfortunately if you aint you need to adapt as best you can. Probably not who that dude wants to be with, sadly. BUT it'd be worse if someone has "settled", as it's not fair for either of them if one person is "settling".. moreso for the person being "settled" for. .I agree.
Wolf18 Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 It totally is a numbers game. I've gotten friend zoned a few times because I assumed that if I invested all my energy into getting 1 girl i have a lot in common with to like me, it would be a lot more satisfying than just hitting on anything with a pulse. It probably is, but it's also not a very successful approach, the percentages are not in a man's favor. If the physical attraction isn't there, everything you do is in vain. If it is, you can do almost no wrong! Starting tomorrow I'm going to hit on every and any woman I see without any shame At this point I don't give a **** if anyone wants me, just a few laughs and some fun, if they say no you can always make them uncomfortable or call them fat .
jobaba Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 (edited) It totally is a numbers game. I've gotten friend zoned a few times because I assumed that if I invested all my energy into getting 1 girl i have a lot in common with to like me, it would be a lot more satisfying than just hitting on anything with a pulse. It probably is, but it's also not a very successful approach, the percentages are not in a man's favor. If the physical attraction isn't there, everything you do is in vain. If it is, you can do almost no wrong! Starting tomorrow I'm going to hit on every and any woman I see without any shame At this point I don't give a **** if anyone wants me, just a few laughs and some fun, if they say no you can always make them uncomfortable or call them fat . First paragraph ... quoted for truth. Never use common sense in the dating game! I would also add you can still mess it up if she's into you. There was a post on another forum about a guy being asked out by a woman for a first date, and when the second date idea came up, she rejected him. So, you still need to work on your game. Second paragraph ... I would do it selectively. I 'think' you said you're a shorter white guy. I wouldn't go hitting on six foot black women or women who are adorned with Prada purses and Jimmy Choo sunglasses. But yea, do it. Let me know how it goes. Also, look through your phone to see if you have any numbers of any females you might have any interest in that aren't already entrenched friends. Maybe a friend introduced you to her awhile ago. Call them and ask them out. Edited November 6, 2011 by jobaba
Wolf18 Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 First paragraph ... quoted for truth. Never use common sense in the dating game! Second paragraph ... I would do it selectively. I 'think' you said you're a shorter white guy. I wouldn't go hitting on six foot black women or women who are adorned with Prada purses and Jimmy Choo sunglasses. But yea, do it. Let me know how it goes. Also, look through your phone to see if you have any numbers of any females you might have any interest in that aren't already entrenched friends. Maybe a friend introduced you to her awhile ago. Call them and ask them out. Trust me dude, I am very aware as to what women are in my league/would be compatible with me and who isn't. I have 0 interest in women who are wearing 600 dollars worth of "accessories". I don't even know what "jimmy choo sunglasses" are. A lot of women think that we men are like the horny teenage dorks from Judd Apatow movies, lusting after the most popular girl around, etc. It's the opposite. The last 3 girls I was interested in dating, none of them had many friends or much of a social life, and while they were not ugly in the least they didn't deserve the amount of male attention they got whenever they went out. If they were male, they would be invisible.
Ross MwcFan Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 They won't all say no For some guys they do.
Ross MwcFan Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Probably not who that dude wants to be with, sadly. BUT it'd be worse if someone has "settled", as it's not fair for either of them if one person is "settling".. moreso for the person being "settled" for. How is it not fair for the settler?
grkBoy Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I wonder how women would react if they were merely asked out because they were there and not because the guy might actually think she's special and such?
ascendotum Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I wonder how women would react if they were merely asked out because they were there and not because the guy might actually think she's special and such? Having heard this discussed in conversations and on LS (see recent verhrzn thread), they hate it. Its one of the reasons women reject guys who have been single for quite a while. I have heard women discuss the merits of having a bf who had slept with stacks of women, and many viewed it positively in terms of well if the guy has lots of options and he has now chosen me, then I must be pretty special. IMO though this situation happens a lot the lower you go in the attractiveness ranks...there is a tendency to take what you can get....up to a point. Looking for that someone special, your ideal partner, your beautiful soul mate would be the ideal, but in reality many many women would fulfil the role of a loving gf. Many drunken hookups result in relationships, and once in one, people tend to develop inertia for seeking something else even though they are not totally happy with whom they are with.
dispatch3d Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 lol this ain't it. Why the **** listen to girls anyways. The reality is a hot chick would have to have a MAJOR personality flaw to not get with any guys - and even then guys would still sleep with her. Deal with reality. Asking out girls is the only way to get a girlfriend. Do step 1!
Sanman Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Having heard this discussed in conversations and on LS (see recent verhrzn thread), they hate it. Its one of the reasons women reject guys who have been single for quite a while. I have heard women discuss the merits of having a bf who had slept with stacks of women, and many viewed it positively in terms of well if the guy has lots of options and he has now chosen me, then I must be pretty special. IMO though this situation happens a lot the lower you go in the attractiveness ranks...there is a tendency to take what you can get....up to a point. Looking for that someone special, your ideal partner, your beautiful soul mate would be the ideal, but in reality many many women would fulfil the role of a loving gf. Many drunken hookups result in relationships, and once in one, people tend to develop inertia for seeking something else even though they are not totally happy with whom they are with. This. It amazes me how many women think I may be their soul mate because we are consuming alcoholic beverages and the same establishment and both like 'How I Met Your Mother'. I'll be the first to say it and say it proudly...I settled for my gf. She was only 90-95% what I wanted and I was tired of looking. I am still DAMN happy.
Author SteveC80 Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 I wonder how women would react if they were merely asked out because they were there and not because the guy might actually think she's special and such? Most dates get started because two people are attrracted to each other physically and have a few things in common its not a scene out of a ****ing romantic comedy where the world stops as two peopel gaze inot ech others eyes as soulmates.. Plus lets be honest two ugly people who met each other most likely did not have sparks fly at first site it was more along the lines of i cant do much better in terms of looks let me give this person a try if i can torlerate thme somewhat phhysically since we get along..
Iced Mocha Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 (edited) Dont listen to the women who say dont be deseprate wait for the right time bla blah blah If you are unattractive to the opposite sex and have got nothing but rejected for your whole teenage and adult life you dont have the luxury to wait for some special connection and ask a girl out every blue moon Chances are not in your favor for any single women you go after so you basically have to hit on hundreds of women in hopes for a yes its just the way it is As i said you dont have the luxury to be overly picky an wait for the perfect women or situation just go balls to the wall and hope for a yes eventually I wouldn't even say hundreds, I'd say 1 in 25 or 30 approaches to have success!! Edited November 7, 2011 by Iced Mocha
grkBoy Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 dispatch3d and SteveC80: I agree with both of you to be honest. I played devil's advocate simply to tell guys to be careful when playing the numbers game. How it could work against the guy as opposed to for him. The real lesson to learn here, and this should be for all men and women of any "attraction level" is don't put all your eggs in one basket. I wholeheartedly agree on the notion of a man or woman meeting others while "seeing" someone. Man asks out a girl, they go on one date, she seems iffy but wants to see him again...he shouldn't stop asking out other potential women. Same deal if a woman is talking to a guy and maybe has a first date set up, but she then meets and starts talking to another guy. I think the only time the numbers game ends up badly is when some guys take it too far in online dating. So they literally decide to just email or wink at every woman in their area who is physically attractive in their eyes. They don't bother reading their profiles, but just send out a form letter or wink just to see if she replies...then he'll decide to learn about her. I've seen enough complaints from women about this. An example is a girl who likes fit/athletic men, travel, motorcycles, and outdoor sports wondering why a guy with a beer gut who only plays video games would message her. I think anyone in dating should only put their eggs into one basket when someone is willing to commit. So you start seeing 2-3 girls, then after a few dates one of them wants to be in a RL and be exclusive...from there if you want that with her you should end it with the two and go all the way...or end it with this girl and chase the others until you find one you're happy with. The guy or girl should not ride all hopes on this person UNTIL commitment happens.
Author SteveC80 Posted November 8, 2011 Author Posted November 8, 2011 dispatch3d and SteveC80: I agree with both of you to be honest. I played devil's advocate simply to tell guys to be careful when playing the numbers game. How it could work against the guy as opposed to for him. The real lesson to learn here, and this should be for all men and women of any "attraction level" is don't put all your eggs in one basket. I wholeheartedly agree on the notion of a man or woman meeting others while "seeing" someone. Man asks out a girl, they go on one date, she seems iffy but wants to see him again...he shouldn't stop asking out other potential women. Same deal if a woman is talking to a guy and maybe has a first date set up, but she then meets and starts talking to another guy. I think the only time the numbers game ends up badly is when some guys take it too far in online dating. So they literally decide to just email or wink at every woman in their area who is physically attractive in their eyes. They don't bother reading their profiles, but just send out a form letter or wink just to see if she replies...then he'll decide to learn about her. I've seen enough complaints from women about this. An example is a girl who likes fit/athletic men, travel, motorcycles, and outdoor sports wondering why a guy with a beer gut who only plays video games would message her. I think anyone in dating should only put their eggs into one basket when someone is willing to commit. So you start seeing 2-3 girls, then after a few dates one of them wants to be in a RL and be exclusive...from there if you want that with her you should end it with the two and go all the way...or end it with this girl and chase the others until you find one you're happy with. The guy or girl should not ride all hopes on this person UNTIL commitment happens. I dont disagree but these guys in their 20's and 30's whove never been with a women have to crawl before they can walk,they have hard enough time finding one women to agree to go out on a date with them they have to try to get one date first before they can think of trying date multiple women at a time
dispatch3d Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Just play to your strengths, and find a girl you like. If you're thing is you are super attractive, then by all means use the super attractive thing. If you tend to blend in with other guys looks wise, then don't use that as your main selling point (she'll just find a slightly hotter guy in the crowd). For example, some guy tried to tell better stories than me yet had never really tried telling a story before. Obviously he lost.
dispatch3d Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Kinda just occured to me that if you aren't hooking up with girls at all, it likely has nothing to do with your looks or whatever. You may be trying to bat "out of your league" but more likely than not you just don't have a clue what to do when it comes to dating. So you fall at every hurdle and eventually the girl throws her hands up in the air, says ugh he doesn't like me!, and that's it.
GivenUp0083 Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Just wait until you're in your 30's and get your life together and all set up nice until then. Once you hit your 30's, and so do many other women around your age at that time, you go from being a commodity to a rare gem. The "good" men will all get taken up, so if you're a decent dude who isn't abusive, can take care of himself financially, doesn't have any major baggage, and has a lot to offer in a relationship....you'll find those traits to be much more appreciated by other women your age in your 30's and on. Also, marriages start failing around that time and women learn the true meaning of what they really want from a guy. I'm confident in my own traits and qualities, but I know this about the future and I'll live on, doing the things I want to do, and only take a shot at a girl I really really like and could see a future with. Otherwise I'm not falling into a marriage trap with some lame chick who thinks I will "owe her a ring" just for being with her over a year. I'll bide my time, wait for the right girl, all while knowing my demand will grow exponentially with every year I age.
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