cen Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I've been dating this girl for the past 6 or 7 weeks (probably 12 dates so far) and things had been going pretty great up until last week when we were out on a date, having fun, and then we unexpectedly passed by her ex boyfriend on the street. Their very brief story is they were together for 8 months, he dumped her this past spring, and she wasn't expecting it. I could tell she was kind've derailed from seeing him that night, but we proceeded with the date - it took a while for her to snap out of it all the way but by the end of the night we were seemingly back to normal, holding hands, kissing etc.... She came back with me to my place (as was the plan beforehand) and we had sex, which I let her take the initiative on that evening. However, afterwards I got up and went to the back, come back to my room and she's standing there all dressed with her bag and tells me shes gonna stay at home that night instead. Long story short here I gingerly called her out on being so uncomfortable about seeing her ex, and saying that I'm not looking to just fill a void for someone and she needs to think about how she wants things to continue, I was defensive a bit but fair and really just wanted to understand what was going on while remaining fair to myself. Over the next 5 or 6 days I heard from her sporadically, she sent me a couple pics of her in a halloween costume, basically she was keeping up some level of contact. We eventually agreed to meet up a couple of nights ago and talk. Which started with about an hour and a half of 'regular date' goofing around and acting normal, and then we went for a walk after for the real talk. she pretty much opened with a big apology about everything that happened last week - and that I am so many of things she looks for in a partner and she has real feelings for me. It really wasn't so much about her running into her ex, it more sounded like that was the final push over the fulcrum she's been sitting on in her life/career right now. She said she feels kind of lost, she's busy and trying to figure things out, not entirely sure about her current path in grad school - which is what shes devoting most of her time to. I think she used the term 'rudderless'. It felt to me that she was being completely honest about her feelings for me, and about her current position of feeling lost in her life, I had been picking up on that beforehand anyways. But she doesn't feel that it is fair to continue right now because she doesn't think she has the mental capacity to approach a relationship fairly...? I told her I'm not going to be able to/don't want to just be friends with her, and she felt the same about me, I also said I wasn't going to wait around for her - but I think she is a wonderful and special girl, and I'm not sure what to make of this ambiguous ending. The night ended with us making out at her car for a long time and struggling to leave one another, which I finally just turned around and left. Then the NEXT night she texts me that she 'just wanted to say hi. hi' ... ? as far as I understood it, we're over, except I don't feel in my gut like this is what she really believes which puts me in a really difficult position. She sounds really confused about so many things right now, and I don't know how I should proceed with that?
Author cen Posted November 6, 2011 Author Posted November 6, 2011 also if it holds any weight, i am 28, and she is 29. ALSO she just texted me within 5 minutes of writing my original post about some event she is at out of state...
daphne Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 She sounds completely torn about the situation. However, she is not in the right place to be in a relationship right now. She said it herself. That means you have to stick to your boundaries and move on. Otherwise, she will bat you back and forth like a cat with a play toy from her wishy washiness. You told her how you felt. She needs to get her act together or let you go. It sounds like you've handled yourself very well throughout. Make sure she doesn't make things worse for both of you by going back and forth til you kill any good feelings you had so that you can't go back.
Author cen Posted November 6, 2011 Author Posted November 6, 2011 She sounds completely torn about the situation. However, she is not in the right place to be in a relationship right now. She said it herself. That means you have to stick to your boundaries and move on. Otherwise, she will bat you back and forth like a cat with a play toy from her wishy washiness. You told her how you felt. She needs to get her act together or let you go. It sounds like you've handled yourself very well throughout. Make sure she doesn't make things worse for both of you by going back and forth til you kill any good feelings you had so that you can't go back. Yeah, she definitely is torn and confused about a lot of stuff right now. I'm aiming to 'move on' from it, i'm pretty well settled in my life and am busy with work and hobbies, but these types of endings are so difficult to 'move on' from when it feels like it hasn't been severed. I wish she'd just said 'this isn't going to work between us, its not the right fit' or ANYTHING concrete.
insertnamehere Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 You want real advice? Women like it when a man provides clarity by taking over a situation. You know what you want. Make it happen.
USMCHokie Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 Sorry, but I call bullsh*t. My ex gave me the same EXACT bullsh*t excuse about being lost with her career, etc. Seriously...? If a girl was truly into you, then no amount of adversity would tear you apart. Instead, you should bond even closer. There is no stronger bond than one made through shared adversity. What if later on down the line, sh*t hit the fan again...? Is she going to bail then too? Either she's feeding you a line and is too much of a chickensh*t to tell you she's not that into you, or she is not and will never be relationship material.
Recommended Posts