Emilia Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 EXACTLY. I so understand what you mean. I'm a bit older than you and have a 4 and 5 year old. That's my daily life, that's my weekends, that's all there is. My conversations are about what these two wonderful little people want to talk about. I can't watch adult shows or movies until they are in bed, then I'm too tired and bored to stay up alone and watch. Meals? They are little kids, they like nuggets and mac, you know? How I would love someone beside me in the kitchen cooking up a steak with sauteed shrooms and sides. There's no adult discussions or grown up playfulness. There's no one to make a decision or take the reigns a while and let my mind rest. I'm the rock for my kids, but I need someone to be my rock. This dating stuff bites. I've been on one actual date since 2009, and there wasn't a 2nd one. He's too busy, and his future is mapped out with no room for a 'small family' in it. I'm tired of trying, and at the same time, I hang on just wishing to find some company. When you have small kids, you can't date a string of wrong guys, you have to be careful from the get go. It's exhausting. I'm actually at the point now that I would love to be married again. Just to have that partner and sense of safety and security, and to know there will always be someone to have that meal with, watch the movie with, and have those arms around me when I go to sleep and wake up. Sounds like you need a more active social life rather than a serious relationship necessarily.
phineas Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Yes. This is what I keep talking about to men and women who have consistent troubles. Take a moment and imagine if God (or anything you believe in) came out of the sky and simply told you that you will never find someone. That you will grow old and die alone. Now that you've been hit with that, how would you spend the rest of your life? Plan your life out. Make a bucket list. Do things for yourself. Things that will make you happy with who you are and thus fulfill you in life. The problem is too many whom I give this advice to immediately reject it. They're still hooked and deep into the idea of having someone in their life. They think it's quitting, when I see it as "finding clarity". Everyone in constant troubles should really look at their history as a whole, and their lives now. Think about how many hours people spend on dating sites trying to get a response. Think about how much people plan their lives around trying to get a date with someone. Think about all the rejections, disappointments, etc...and wonder why you waste so much of your life on this when you could do so much more. I came to this realization years ago. I asked myself why I keep trying to date when it seems EVERY experience ended up as a bad one. Yes, I ended up meeting my fiance a few years later, but I like to think it was because I found my clarity, and thus I wasn't hardbent on finding someone. Everyone needs to find their own clarity...rather than seek approval from the opposite sex. Unfortunately most of the trouble cases still won't listen...and the cycle of complaining goes on and on. I'm there baby! I have projects. I have hobbies. I've also realized that "hanging out" was cool over the summer because I was just looking for fun & so were a lot of women. But now that it's cold out it's time to get some renovation projects done inside the house & I really just don't want to waste my time on attention whores or multi-daters that try to deceive me into believing i'm the only guy their seeing. So: I ask a woman out on a date. I specifically tell her it's a date. She either accepts or rejects. If women ask me to hang out I ask them if it's a date. If they waffle and don't actually have something really cool planned that i'd like to do I tell them I have things to do on my house & to let me know if they want to go on a date. Women that are bored, seeing multiple people, or just not that into me will shy away from the word "date" like vampires shy away from crosses. Last yr I wasted so much of my time on women that just weren't that into me & I realized I could of had all my kitchen cabinets sanded down & painted when I considered all the time I invested in them. And these were women who knew exactly what I wanted & claimed to want the same. Truth was they were online dating & telling me they weren't interested in anyone else. (woman speak for I havn't met anyone REALLY want to date YET) LOL!
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 Benni, that's the way I see it too.
grkBoy Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 I'm there baby! I have projects. I have hobbies. I've also realized that "hanging out" was cool over the summer because I was just looking for fun & so were a lot of women. But now that it's cold out it's time to get some renovation projects done inside the house & I really just don't want to waste my time on attention whores or multi-daters that try to deceive me into believing i'm the only guy their seeing. So: I ask a woman out on a date. I specifically tell her it's a date. She either accepts or rejects. If women ask me to hang out I ask them if it's a date. If they waffle and don't actually have something really cool planned that i'd like to do I tell them I have things to do on my house & to let me know if they want to go on a date. Women that are bored, seeing multiple people, or just not that into me will shy away from the word "date" like vampires shy away from crosses. Last yr I wasted so much of my time on women that just weren't that into me & I realized I could of had all my kitchen cabinets sanded down & painted when I considered all the time I invested in them. And these were women who knew exactly what I wanted & claimed to want the same. Truth was they were online dating & telling me they weren't interested in anyone else. (woman speak for I havn't met anyone REALLY want to date YET) LOL! Perfect ideology. Live your life, fulfill it, and push away the games as opposed to working your butt off to get a girl to like you.
olivec Posted November 8, 2011 Posted November 8, 2011 What mantra would that be? He sounds frustrated. I assumed he wasn't happy with his dating choices. His complaints sounded like the complaints of many young men here... not realizing that those specific complaints tend to kind of disappear as one gets older. Either because of growing in one's experience (ie taking responsibility and finding like minded people to date) or simply the dating pool maturing in their choices too. He hasn't returned to respond, so I suppose we'll have to push both of our mind reading efforts off for another day. I agree with you 100%. I to made a mistake with the last person I dated who I knew deep down wasnt right for me at all. Sometimes you have to listen to your gut instincts instead of just going by looks alone. Because if you choose someone that's not right for you, then expect nothing good to come out of it. I never wanna make that mistake ever again and instead of complaining and blaming others I wanna improve myself as a person and find the right person for me and not just the cute blond at the end of the room that's getting attention from everyone. I hope the OP finds some clarity and meets the right person for him.
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