Do you ever just get tired of it?

[OneFootOut]

Do you ever just get tired of the dating game?

 

So many posts asking, "what do I do? What did he/she mean by that? Should I call him/her? What did that wink mean? How long do we email? He/she didn't call for 2 days!"

 

I have a lot of the same questions lol.. what's wrong with us? When I was younger and I liked someone, I would talk to them, hang out, and we'd either go out or wouldn't. There wasn't all the cat and mouse games and endless dancing around.

 

I get notes on a couple date sites I'm part of, but most are one liners such as: "Are you submissive? Would you date a guy with a fetish? I still live with the ex, but we're just friends, can you call me?" etc. THAT type, or those men who want to flirt and send notes for ages and never actually meet or go out or take it into anything real.

 

I'm absolutely exhausted. Why can't it just be that two people could say, "I am a,b andc. I am looking for x,y, and z." See that they match up, and just get together and stay together? Even when someone manages to find someone they want to date it seems like they are always looking for the next one.

 

I'm too old for these games, but if I don't play, I'll probably die single and alone with only my dog and cat by my side on my death bed

 

Is there a point when you should just give up? Stop trying? Stop playing? It's draining to keep jumping through hoops, answering questions, emails, texts, notes, and phone calls, only to have nothing ever work out.

[Leegh]

Yes, things are more confusing now. In the "olden" days boy called girl, nowadays she can call him. Anything goes. Nobody knows who to call first. In addition, there is the added confusion of email/text in dating. The way it used to be the guy would generally call the girl on a Tuesday or Wednesday night for a Saturday night date; and people did not have sex early on in relationships. I think things are more confusing now, but at least we have sites like these that help with relationship problems.

[oaks]

Do you ever just get tired of the dating game?

 

So many posts asking, "what do I do? What did he/she mean by that? Should I call him/her? What did that wink mean? How long do we email? He/she didn't call for 2 days!"

 

I don't really get in to the 'game' part of dating - I prefer to be more straightforward. Most people aren't trying to wrap up hidden meanings in everything they say and do, so most 'analysis' is a waste of time. Trying to act a certain way to manipulate people into liking you doesn't sound like a great thing to be doing. I do get tired of reading about it on here, though, so in that sense I am tired of it.

[oaks]

I agree. Why so many games? Just meet for god's sake-- did you get along or not? Yes?-- Have another date. No?-- Move on.

 

It shouldn't have to be so hard, it should be fun!

 

I agree entirely.

[JM89]

I blame the technology age. Instead of talking in person or at least over the phone, we can now text or email, which brings in all sorts of confusion over tone and meaning. We can find out if someone has read our text and not responded. You can see everyone's relationship status on Facebook, without ever having to take any sort of risk to find out their availability. We can keep track of someone's every move online, from where they are, to when they're online, to their photos from last night.

Also, with more men and women developing close friendships or choosing the friends with benefits route, and more people dating casually instead of looking for a relationship or settling down, the lines are blurred. It's harder to read what someone might be looking for.

[riggs]

Texting is convenient but it is too easy to hide behind the anonymity of it. If you can't say it and have to text it, something is wrong! I'm as guilty as anyone else though.

[ThsAmericanLife]

Yep... I took myself out of the 'active' dating pool awhile back.... for lots of reasons.

 

I've done the community work/volunteering/activity group thing. Everyone is married. I still do volunteer work because I enjoy it... just don't have any illusions about meeting men that way.

 

Online dating seems to be geared for liars, multi-daters, people who are jaded about commitment, or have checkered pasts of one kind or another. Not going there again until they find a way to do background checks of members in advance.

 

So, I won't be dating until I happen to run into someone in my day-to-day life with connections to friends/family. Basically, the fish will have to be jumping into this boat.

 

One thing I am doing is moving to a different area with a more dynamic work/cultural atmosphere. Part of the rut I'm in has to do with where I live (a small town in Upstate NY). Another reason I'm not dating... I'm planning on moving.

[dasein]

I think it was tougher in some ways years ago, when you needed to be near a stationary telephone to talk. I remember writing letters back and forth to women, god forbid some of those are out there in a box somewhere ready to embarrass the hell out of me one day. Ran into a GF from 8th grade a few years ago and she told me how she still had my sweet letters THE HORROR!!

 

But definitely agree more tiring now with all the noise and communication media. Maybe you are tired of media generally, try cutting out some of the stimuli. As far as OLD goes, screen out those looky lous in a hurry, and focus only on the ones who want to meet very soon. The others will wear you to a nub fast if you allow it. Personally, I cut out all text and IM except in emergencies, check FB and other social sites every other day for a max of ten minutes, seems to be helping.

[OneFootOut]

Yep... I took myself out of the 'active' dating pool awhile back.... for lots of reasons.

 

I've done the community work/volunteering/activity group thing. Everyone is married. I still do volunteer work because I enjoy it... just don't have any illusions about meeting men that way.

 

Online dating seems to be geared for liars, multi-daters, people who are jaded about commitment, or have checkered pasts of one kind or another. Not going there again until they find a way to do background checks of members in advance.

 

So, I won't be dating until I happen to run into someone in my day-to-day life with connections to friends/family. Basically, the fish will have to be jumping into this boat.

 

One thing I am doing is moving to a different area with a more dynamic work/cultural atmosphere. Part of the rut I'm in has to do with where I live (a small town in Upstate NY). Another reason I'm not dating... I'm planning on moving.

 

This sounds about like where I'm headed. I started trying the online dating sites out of sheer loneliness, and becuse I just didn't get out much in person. Well, they aren't working out lol.. full of the same type you listed, or those who just talk a lot and never act on it.

 

I figured a date site geared more towards my specifics: age, single parents, plus size, etc. would have given me better odds, but they all seem to have the same 'type' of men - who are either only looking for a hook up, or who never take anything further than online.

 

I need to get out more and just make some friends, then somewhere down the road, maybe Mr. Right for me will come along.

[OneFootOut]

Ran into a GF from 8th grade a few years ago and she told me how she still had my sweet letters THE HORROR!!

 

This jogged a memory..

I use to stay a week or so in the summer with my grandmother, and I had met one of the neighbor boys one time that I fell head over heels for. I was 16, he was 17. Well, after I had returned home I had written him a few letters and he never responded.

 

Years later I had been helping clean out some of my mother's stuff and found a HUGE stack of letters from him She had apparently intercepted them. I sat and read them, and was so sad. He must have thought I had ignored him too. I never called her out on the letters, life had gone on and I didn't want to put her on the spot. It did ache for a while though, my life may have been a whole different road had he and I ended up together.

[dasein]

She had apparently intercepted them.

 

Wow what was her reason? You are far kinder than I am, that would make me furious. My mother did something vaguely similar with at least one woman who was trying to contact me and she wouldn't give my current phone number. But she told me about this herself in the near future, no telling though if she did this with other people and didn't tell me.

[ThsAmericanLife]

This sounds about like where I'm headed. I started trying the online dating sites out of sheer loneliness, and becuse I just didn't get out much in person. Well, they aren't working out lol.. full of the same type you listed, or those who just talk a lot and never act on it.

 

I figured a date site geared more towards my specifics: age, single parents, plus size, etc. would have given me better odds, but they all seem to have the same 'type' of men - who are either only looking for a hook up, or who never take anything further than online.

 

I need to get out more and just make some friends, then somewhere down the road, maybe Mr. Right for me will come along.

 

Making real live friends is always a great idea! It is so much more satisfying having a human connection of some kind, even if romance isn't involved.

 

Also gives you the opportunity to get to know someone in a more relaxed way.

[ThsAmericanLife]

gals dont want that. they want mystery. they want drama. they want excitement. they want danger. they want rebels. they tell guys they don't want that stuff buy they do.

 

Hmm. I checked the mirror this morning. Yep. Still a girl!

 

After the age of oh, 20 or so, none of the above fit the description of men I dated.

 

You must be fishing in the wrong pond... trolling for little girls like so many other men here and thinking with their d*cks.

 

Like the OP, you have noone but yourself to blame if you find mature women (of any age) boring or unattractive.

[ThsAmericanLife]

Where did he say that women he dates are boring on unattractive?

 

You're right. He didn't say that. He just repeated the mantra of so many so-called men who post here and like to profess what 'gals' want... rather than take responsibility for their own choices of whom to date... or lifting a finger to do anything to work on themselves.

[ScienceGal]

I'm tired!

 

I can talk about anything with the guy I am dating, and we've discussed relationship stress and b.s. We both seem to be on the same page... But there's really no telling for sure so early on.

 

Once I finally settle down, I will not miss dating one bit!

[azsinglegal]

I'm tired of dating. Sick of it actually. That whole "getting to know someone" bs, wonder if they like you, will they call, will you get to see them, etc. etc. etc.

 

I'm 38 years old - WHERE IS HE ALREADY!?!

[grkBoy]

Is there a point when you should just give up? Stop trying? Stop playing? It's draining to keep jumping through hoops, answering questions, emails, texts, notes, and phone calls, only to have nothing ever work out.

 

Yes.

 

This is what I keep talking about to men and women who have consistent troubles.

 

Take a moment and imagine if God (or anything you believe in) came out of the sky and simply told you that you will never find someone. That you will grow old and die alone.

 

Now that you've been hit with that, how would you spend the rest of your life?

 

Plan your life out. Make a bucket list. Do things for yourself. Things that will make you happy with who you are and thus fulfill you in life.

 

The problem is too many whom I give this advice to immediately reject it. They're still hooked and deep into the idea of having someone in their life. They think it's quitting, when I see it as "finding clarity".

 

Everyone in constant troubles should really look at their history as a whole, and their lives now. Think about how many hours people spend on dating sites trying to get a response. Think about how much people plan their lives around trying to get a date with someone. Think about all the rejections, disappointments, etc...and wonder why you waste so much of your life on this when you could do so much more.

 

I came to this realization years ago. I asked myself why I keep trying to date when it seems EVERY experience ended up as a bad one. Yes, I ended up meeting my fiance a few years later, but I like to think it was because I found my clarity, and thus I wasn't hardbent on finding someone.

 

Everyone needs to find their own clarity...rather than seek approval from the opposite sex.

 

Unfortunately most of the trouble cases still won't listen...and the cycle of complaining goes on and on.

[GivenUp0083]

I used to be one of those people, and it was all derived from the misconception that my actions can control another person's interest in me.

 

I would over-analyze everything, and I thought if I did all the little things right and knew what the other person was thinking, then I could "figure it all out" and know what to do to get them to like me or know where I stand.

 

I had to let all of that go. You have to just roll with it. Go out if they want to go out, if they are confusing to me I take it as uninterested. If they break a date with me, I tell them to give me a call when they have more time. If I ask a girl out and she gives me ANY answer other than "yes, here is my number" then I just walk away and stop thinking about it.

 

I stopped asking why and trying to figure out what the other person is thinking because in all honesty: most people don't even know exactly why they do the things they do when dating, they don't consciously flake, they just don't know how they feel and they flake. Who cares? I used to take it personally, now I don't because I know I'm not the only one that has this happen to them. I used to think it was just me, but forums like these helped me realize this happens ALL....THE.....TIME....

[ThsAmericanLife]

Well, you just repeated the mantra of so many so-called "women" who post here to put words in Mens mouths...

 

rather than take responsibility for their own choices of whom to date... or lifting a finger to do anything to work on themselves.

 

What mantra would that be? He sounds frustrated. I assumed he wasn't happy with his dating choices. His complaints sounded like the complaints of many young men here... not realizing that those specific complaints tend to kind of disappear as one gets older. Either because of growing in one's experience (ie taking responsibility and finding like minded people to date) or simply the dating pool maturing in their choices too.

 

He hasn't returned to respond, so I suppose we'll have to push both of our mind reading efforts off for another day.

[OneFootOut]

Yes.

 

This is what I keep talking about to men and women who have consistent troubles.

 

Take a moment and imagine if God (or anything you believe in) came out of the sky and simply told you that you will never find someone. That you will grow old and die alone.

 

Now that you've been hit with that, how would you spend the rest of your life?

 

Plan your life out. Make a bucket list. Do things for yourself. Things that will make you happy with who you are and thus fulfill you in life.

 

The problem is too many whom I give this advice to immediately reject it. They're still hooked and deep into the idea of having someone in their life. They think it's quitting, when I see it as "finding clarity".

 

Everyone in constant troubles should really look at their history as a whole, and their lives now. Think about how many hours people spend on dating sites trying to get a response. Think about how much people plan their lives around trying to get a date with someone. Think about all the rejections, disappointments, etc...and wonder why you waste so much of your life on this when you could do so much more.

 

I came to this realization years ago. I asked myself why I keep trying to date when it seems EVERY experience ended up as a bad one. Yes, I ended up meeting my fiance a few years later, but I like to think it was because I found my clarity, and thus I wasn't hardbent on finding someone.

 

Everyone needs to find their own clarity...rather than seek approval from the opposite sex.

 

Unfortunately most of the trouble cases still won't listen...and the cycle of complaining goes on and on.

 

 

THANK YOU. I'm not so stuck in my rut that I can't see the wisdom and truth in this. Wow, that's really something to think about

[colliejoanie]

Currently tired as well. I'm tired of this horrible electronic dating game....whether it be the initial dating sites, or the texting/e-mailing vs calling and seeing each other. I'm 35. I really don't remember it being this annoying 10-15 years ago.

 

The problem isn't just that I'm tired of the dating game......I'm also tired of being by myself. I'm literally tired of making every single decision on my own. I'm tired of making a dinner my 3 year old enjoys and not one of more adult taste. I'm tired of not enjoying a movie with someone. Or having someone to talk to.

 

Alas, another online dating relationship has recently ended......and I immediately jumped right back on......within two days however, I realized how TIRED of it I was so I deleted my info. Again.

 

The proverbial rock and a hard place.......

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I'm tired of dating. Sick of it actually. That whole "getting to know someone" bs, wonder if they like you, will they call, will you get to see them, etc. etc. etc.

 

I'm 38 years old - WHERE IS HE ALREADY!?!

 

Probably sitting at home scanning profiles inbetween looking at porn.

 

I am also tired of dating. I just think people are less committed from the start and technology has played a huge role in that in many facets.

 

I just want a goo man, that is interested in living in the real world, making a little effort, and doesn't want to spend the rest of his life jacking off to porn inbetween his relationship with me. This isn't too much to ask. Or it shouldn't be at least.

[OneFootOut]

Currently tired as well. I'm tired of this horrible electronic dating game....whether it be the initial dating sites, or the texting/e-mailing vs calling and seeing each other. I'm 35. I really don't remember it being this annoying 10-15 years ago.

 

The problem isn't just that I'm tired of the dating game......I'm also tired of being by myself. I'm literally tired of making every single decision on my own. I'm tired of making a dinner my 3 year old enjoys and not one of more adult taste. I'm tired of not enjoying a movie with someone. Or having someone to talk to.

 

Alas, another online dating relationship has recently ended......and I immediately jumped right back on......within two days however, I realized how TIRED of it I was so I deleted my info. Again.

 

The proverbial rock and a hard place.......

 

EXACTLY.

 

I so understand what you mean. I'm a bit older than you and have a 4 and 5 year old. That's my daily life, that's my weekends, that's all there is. My conversations are about what these two wonderful little people want to talk about. I can't watch adult shows or movies until they are in bed, then I'm too tired and bored to stay up alone and watch. Meals? They are little kids, they like nuggets and mac, you know? How I would love someone beside me in the kitchen cooking up a steak with sauteed shrooms and sides. There's no adult discussions or grown up playfulness. There's no one to make a decision or take the reigns a while and let my mind rest. I'm the rock for my kids, but I need someone to be my rock.

 

This dating stuff bites. I've been on one actual date since 2009, and there wasn't a 2nd one. He's too busy, and his future is mapped out with no room for a 'small family' in it. I'm tired of trying, and at the same time, I hang on just wishing to find some company.

 

When you have small kids, you can't date a string of wrong guys, you have to be careful from the get go. It's exhausting.

 

I'm actually at the point now that I would love to be married again. Just to have that partner and sense of safety and security, and to know there will always be someone to have that meal with, watch the movie with, and have those arms around me when I go to sleep and wake up.

[OneFootOut]

Probably sitting at home scanning profiles inbetween looking at porn.

 

I am also tired of dating. I just think people are less committed from the start and technology has played a huge role in that in many facets.

 

I just want a goo man, that is interested in living in the real world, making a little effort, and doesn't want to spend the rest of his life jacking off to porn inbetween his relationship with me. This isn't too much to ask. Or it shouldn't be at least.

 

Agreed, it’s almost like its TOO casual and disposable now. People are changing gf/bf like they change socks. Or going out with one and still scanning sites for a better one, or the next one they want to try out.

 

Why make an effort or settle down with someone when there is a worldwide internet full of choices? Some seem to have the attitude: "hey if he/she starts expecting me to actually put effort in it, or step it up and be someone, I can just go get another one."

 

Its frustrating to keep running into this when you are one who does want something real and lasting and to settle down. Hopefully with someone who is not addicted to this online stuff and who will be present in real life with you instead of -here- while you still sit alone in the other room. ugggghhh

[phineas]

 

One thing I am doing is moving to a different area with a more dynamic work/cultural atmosphere. Part of the rut I'm in has to do with where I live (a small town in Upstate NY). Another reason I'm not dating... I'm planning on moving.

 

'Sup.. WNY.