daphne Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Last night, the new guy and I realized we know a WHOLE lot of the same people. He's on my old tennis team. We probably have met at some point in the past and didn't remember. Now, we realize that if I go watch his tennis matches we're going to have to come up with a story or tell the truth. It's a really stupid stigma to not be able to say you met someone online. But a very powerful one. If you met online, would you admit it to the world at large?
carhill Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I met my exW online. In fact, the only LTR I didn't meet online was my first, who was introduced through a mutual friend. I've never felt it 'lesser' or something to be hidden. Why? The internet is a wonderful tool of communication and discovery. That others may see it as 'lesser' is their own issue. The next question I would ask myself is why I would want such people in my life or care about their perspective?
Author daphne Posted November 6, 2011 Author Posted November 6, 2011 The next question I would ask myself is why I would want such people in my life or care about their perspective? Because a large percentage of people think that people who go online are desperate. Personally, I think that's true for many. And for the rest, they're just busy working and don't have time to socialize a lot to meet a lot of different people. That's awesome that you met your ex wife online. I know more and more people who have, including 2 of my gf's.
laotzu Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I don't really think it's a stigma any more. I know a lot of people who've had relationships start online, and aren't too shy about it. If you tell people you guys met online, you'd be further reducing the stigma!
zengirl Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I met my BF online --- and 2 others, but the other 2 had cute stories. This one doesn't even have that; we just met and started dating (we have other cute stories though). My BF is fantastic. Everyone I know agrees he's fantastic. And I think I'm pretty fantastic, too. Certainly neither of us were "desperate" so we're not worried about whether people have self-defeating beliefs about "okay" mediums to meet. We met online, and it was awesome. And, yes, everyone knows we met online. (Well everyone who we knew when it happened or who's asked or whatnot. Certainly, it's never been hidden. I cannot guarantee everyone cares enough to know.) Personally, I don't see any stigma in it. I don't see any reason to feel anything but overjoyed that I'm so happy!
runner Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 you're perpetuating the stigma by not being completely honest about it. i've had loads of couples admit to me that they met online and it didn't catch me off guard at all. but then again i'm in my 30's; i'm sure online dating comes off as completely wrong to my parents and gran parents generation.
carhill Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 BTW, I met my exW online in the era of 14.4K modems, meaning in early 1999. All my prior 'online' partners were met through even slower modems . When we told the story, sometimes there were sideways glances. I merely replied 'try it sometime. It's a big world out there' and moved on. I really can't imagine there being any significance now, considering that most of the industrialized world carries the internet in their pocket (smart-phones). I'd think nothing of meeting a woman a half a world away online and popping around to meet her. I've done it, back during that slow modem era. Flew right over your lovely country on the way Anyway, OP, I know you're anything but desperate and I trust the people who know and love you in real life see it the same way. You're exercising all your options. Go get 'em
zengirl Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 you're perpetuating the stigma by not being completely honest about it. i've had loads of couples admit to me that they met online and it didn't catch me off guard at all. but then again i'm in my 30's; i'm sure online dating comes off as completely wrong to my parents and gran parents generation. My grandma met her new husband online! It was so cute, my stepfather had to teach her how to use the computer.
Author daphne Posted November 6, 2011 Author Posted November 6, 2011 If you tell people you guys met online, you'd be further reducing the stigma! True. We'll see if we're brave enough to admit it. I met my BF online --- and 2 others, but the other 2 had cute stories. This one doesn't even have that; we just met and started dating (we have other cute stories though). My BF is fantastic. Everyone I know agrees he's fantastic. And I think I'm pretty fantastic, too. Certainly neither of us were "desperate" so we're not worried about whether people have self-defeating beliefs about "okay" mediums to meet. We met online, and it was awesome. And, yes, everyone knows we met online. (Well everyone who we knew when it happened or who's asked or whatnot. Certainly, it's never been hidden. I cannot guarantee everyone cares enough to know.) Personally, I don't see any stigma in it. I don't see any reason to feel anything but overjoyed that I'm so happy! That's pretty awesome. I'm almost at the point that if we end up in a relationship, I'd rather tell people so they don't feel weird about looking for a relationship online. I get tired of goofy people suggesting the desperate thing. I'm not desperate. I'm picky. There's a difference. i'm sure online dating comes off as completely wrong to my parents and gran parents generation. LOL. Well, we're not your parents' or grand parents' ages but I get hte point. However, my gf who is in her 20's has the same stigma. When I initially told her I was online, under the code of secrecy, she told me she thought it was desperate. Then I found out months later she was on the same site I was. Maybe she's loosening up her taboos on it. Honestly, if you don't want to waste your time on people with whom you have nothing in common with, it just makes sense to at least try it.
runner Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 My grandma met her new husband online! It was so cute, my stepfather had to teach her how to use the computer. nice ...now that song forever young is playing in my head
oaks Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Daphne, That's a tricky one. Your close friends wont care (and I'm sure you'll tell them the truth anyway) but some people will make a judgement that isn't fair on you, and it's not really your job to drive forward the cause of online dating (even though you shouldn't be ashamed of it), so I can understand why the 'how we met' thing is tricky. When people ask how you met, you could describe your first face-to-face meeting. "We met in a bar at a posh restaurant. He must've liked my killer heels because he bought me a drink and then we got talking." That approach has the benefit of being true, albeit with some interpretation of 'met', so it's a story you can tell consistently without having to try to remember what fiction you agreed or what you told someone else.
Author daphne Posted November 6, 2011 Author Posted November 6, 2011 BTW, I met my exW online in the era of 14.4K modems, meaning in early 1999. All my prior 'online' partners were met through even slower modems . When we told the story, sometimes there were sideways glances. I merely replied 'try it sometime. It's a big world out there' and moved on. I really can't imagine there being any significance now, considering that most of the industrialized world carries the internet in their pocket (smart-phones). I'd think nothing of meeting a woman a half a world away online and popping around to meet her. I've done it, back during that slow modem era. Flew right over your lovely country on the way Anyway, OP, I know you're anything but desperate and I trust the people who know and love you in real life see it the same way. You're exercising all your options. Go get 'em You are the romantic. They don't make 'em that way much anymore. It's a shame. I'm almost thinking that, if it does work out, we'd make for good marketing to our friends to try online. If you saw the way we act around each other, it would make more sense.
grkBoy Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 you're perpetuating the stigma by not being completely honest about it. i've had loads of couples admit to me that they met online and it didn't catch me off guard at all. but then again i'm in my 30's; i'm sure online dating comes off as completely wrong to my parents and gran parents generation. ^^ EXACTLY I'd admit to it. If a "friend" tried to belittle me for that, then he/she would cease to be my friend. If a relative did that, then they won't see me or my SO around on their special days and gatherings. Stand strong. We live in the modern world, and people aren't meeting one another in the ways our parents did. Build a strong happy RL, and even the online-bashers can't talk...especially when their own RLs are crumbling.
carhill Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Originally Posted by runner i'm sure online dating comes off as completely wrong to my parents and grandparents generation. This causes another anecdote While my exW and I were dating, one of the ladies I had 'internet' dated prior and with whom things had worked out to 'friendship' visited us and shared Thanksgiving at my mom's house. I recall, when I was to travel thousands of miles to meet her originally, my mom was skeptical of this 'internet' thing but, upon meeting the young lady, who happened to be of her home 'culture', her skepticism completely vanished and they got on quite well during the visit. Mom would never become a computer or internet user but she did come to respect its place in my life. I still have contact with that lady today, via the internet, and she's gone on to have a relationship and now has a lovely daughter. It's a small world
Author daphne Posted November 6, 2011 Author Posted November 6, 2011 Daphne, That's a tricky one. Your close friends wont care (and I'm sure you'll tell them the truth anyway) but some people will make a judgement that isn't fair on you, and it's not really your job to drive forward the cause of online dating (even though you shouldn't be ashamed of it), so I can understand why the 'how we met' thing is tricky. True. I'm not ashamed of it. Especially not now. When people ask how you met, you could describe your first face-to-face meeting. "We met in a bar at a posh restaurant. He must've liked my killer heels because he bought me a drink and then we got talking." That approach has the benefit of being true, albeit with some interpretation of 'met', so it's a story you can tell consistently without having to try to remember what fiction you agreed or what you told someone else. LOL. Yeah, this is a true story.
Cee Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I think it's simpler to be honest with your friends. It's only a 15 second conversation and then you move on to how much you like each other. But if you want to keep your privacy, the standard line is "we met through friends of friends." I have family members who met spouses through 12-step recovery and anonymity is important. Although those of us in the inner circle know the truth.
cerridwen Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I agree with runner, daphne, and also with Cee who mention the simplicity of honesty. Don't buy into any stigma. A friend who married recently even mentioned it during her wedding ceremony, thanking eharmony for bringing them together. People laughed and hearts were warmed. It's all in how you approach it.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 My grandma met her new husband online! It was so cute, my stepfather had to teach her how to use the computer. It doesn't get much more adorable then that.
Emilia Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Because a large percentage of people think that people who go online are desperate. Personally I think it's true for many. Yes, it is a bit naff but you just have to bite the bullet
eerie_reverie Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Just tell them the truth. Tons of people meet online these days.
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