Likely going to be homeless soon. Family could care less.

[OneFootOut]

My family consists of a mother, grandmother, distant aunt, and a brother. ALL of them are well off and own their own, very nice homes. My mother, grandmother, and aunt were all taken care of by wealthy husbands and left beautiful homes. My brother had an amazing education and career and bought his own home when he was in his 20's.

 

Then there is me. My life went down another road. I had my first child at 17 due to some horrible circumstances. This took me out of school and into assisted housing. I worked many jobs and put myself through a few courses. My health fell apart over the years, but I never did drugs or anything "wrong or bad". I tried to be a good parent and did the best I could.

 

Fast forward, when I was 30, I married someone I thought I would be with forever. That came to an end in 2009, leaving me with 2 grown kids and 2 small ones. We never bought a house, or had any property during the marriage, so when he left, I was on my own renting again. Without his help, I basically lost my rental house and was homeless. I simply couldn't afford to pay rent and utilities and all the deposits required to live somewhere. The ex was not contributing anything until almost a year later when a court ordered it.

 

My oldest son offered his home to me and the kids. So I put everything I owned in storage except our clothes and headed north. We were in a bad part of town. There was drug activity, fighting, cops every night, etc. It wasn't a good situation.

 

Well, my grandmother had a house in NC that had sat empty for years. It is tied up in a trust in her will. My mom offered it to me to stay in because people had started vandalizing it. Her and my brother live too far away to keep an eye on it, so they needed someone there to stop the damage. I accepted the offer as a means to get away from the bad place I was in.

 

Well... I have been living in grandma's house about 6 months now and I absolutely love it here. I feel at home and comfortable. My daughter started school, and all is well. My grandmother keeps telling everyone I should have the house and stay here, but her voice doesn't count. There are legal clauses in her will that forbid any changes, even by her.

 

My brother is head of the estate. My mother is her caretaker, and my aunt is to inherit 1/2 the property. My dad was entitled the other half, but he passed away My brother hates me. We don't even speak. My mother is kind of under his thumb. He hates me because I am not successful like he is, and the way my life has gone. He's very judgmental and snobbish actually toward everyone.

 

Anyway... when my grandmother passes away, this house is to be sold. Period. The 3 of them will get a few thousand each from the sale, and I will be on the street again. I don't have any money saved because it takes all I have to maintain the bills and house. I don't understand why my family cares more about $$ than me and my children. They don't NEED it, but we NEED a home.

 

My granny is 93, and she’s recently began shutting down. I'm scared. I don't know what I will do, or where I will go when this house is sold out from under me. I had planned to be putting back money for this, but I haven't had any to save due to others here not helping out.

 

How can family be so cold? No, my life didn’t go as perfect as my brother's did, but does that mean I don't deserve some care and compassion?

[kaleidoscope]

"How can family be so cold?"

 

Well for one thing, some people value money a LOT. Its a personal, emotional thing and sometimes supersedes proper family behavior. The whole family can be wealthy and there may be squabbles all over the place.

 

I don't understand why your brother "hates" you. There must be something more to that. Maybe he's been trying to give you advice over the years and he feels like he was ignored, it could be a number of things.

 

Whether or not you are "entitled" to the house is one thing and can be debatable but you DO need a place to stay and the compassionate thing would be to let you stay at grandma's home.

 

On the other hand, if you could show what you are willing to do to eventually get out of your financial situation (courses, part time jobs, etc) that might go a long way to show that you're not just trying to get away with a free home or something.

 

You could even have an agreement that you will pay back the rest of your family in rent if you can stay there.

 

Personally, I've been ripped off by family members and am very wary of just giving things away. Show them all the effort you are willing to put in and that might impress them. It would impress me.

 

Other than that I would definitely look at other options to get yourself back on your feet.

 

There has to be something out there for you.

[OneFootOut]

I am paying rent here as well as paying the insurance on the place. I don't feel 'entitled' to anything, I just don't understand why a few thousand $ is more important than my family's well being. They all have homes. Not one of them has had to rent or move from place to place. Their husbands didn't divorce them and leave them with kids. I am the only one in my family that has had the harder road to deal with.

 

My brother is a strange man. No, he hasn't been offering advice etc. He has barely spoken to me at all since we were children. He wouldn't speak to me at all for several years when we were younger, even if we both visited my mom at the same time. He would speak to her and flat out ignore me, then leave. He's very high strung, and cold and insulting to people in general. He even cuts down my mother all the time, but she tends to let it slide and says "oh that's just how he is".

 

He came here twice the first few days we were here and he completely ignored me. I spoke to him, "hi" "how's it going" "thank you" (He came to put a window pane in) He didn't even look at me, or respond to me in any way.

 

Like mom says.. that's just how he is.

 

I have no credit to get a loan, but I would be thrilled to do a rent to own and just keep paying for the place. They won't hear of it, it's going to be sold and the money split 3 ways. Period. I don't even care about that part, I don't want or expect to be included, I just hate the thought of what's coming for me and the kids.

[kaleidoscope]

Hmmm...well if you're paying rent there then I guess its reasonable to find another rental at least for now.

 

That sucks about your brother's attitude....sometimes people really ARE unusual.

 

I understand what you said about traveling a harder road than others...I feel the same too a lot.

 

I would say find a new place as soon as possible and just show them you're not interested in their few thousand. Just saying that's what I would do.

 

As hard as it might seem, try to focus and build your own life. That's what I would do and actually what I'm doing right now.

 

Find real friends. Friends you might even call family.

 

Can't choose your family but you can choose your friends.

[OneFootOut]

Good advice. The hardest part about moving to anywhere is the upfront cost, with deposits and all that stuff. Even though I pay rent here, I would be hard pressed to find a place for the same amount, most rental properties start around $600 a month for just 2 bedrooms. Then of course you are micro-managed by landlords and never really free to live your own life, no pets, no stay over company, etc. It sucks.

 

I don't want my daughter to have to change schools, and I don't want to end up back in MI, but that might be the only option I have.

 

None of my family EVER had to rent from anyone. Their families helped them purchase their homes when they were starting out. My brother's first boss at his first job put him into a rent to own situation with no down payment. He owned that house right out of high school and eventually sold it to get a bigger newer one.

 

All of them were helped and lifted up by family and friends from the start. They don't know what it's like to have to always live under someone else's rules, or to be evicted, or to have to move around. Maybe if they had experienced it, they would have a different view on things.

 

Oh well... family is what it is. My dad was everything to me, my best friend. Man I miss him. He and I were like peas in a pod The rest of my family treats me as if I am a stranger, or at least a major failure in their eyes. Maybe that's it, I must be a scuff mark on the family's reputation since I am so far from perfect or successful

[kaleidoscope]

Yes, I hear you.

 

Ideally if the rest of your family were interested, maybe there is family counseling that could help you guys bond better.

 

But its hard to coordinate something like that....even for myself.

 

Sorry about your dad.

 

Maybe some other friends are out there to help you?

[Lostinlife4now]

Dear One Foot!

 

Remember one thing...KARMA IS A BITCH....and GOD will get them in the end.

I wouldn't want to be in their shoes when they go to the gates....

 

He says, "Be good to one another and you will be rewarded." I feel sorry for your family. You really seem like a good girl. Hold you head up! Good things will come your way!

[Lucky_One]

You must be working now, if you are paying rent and insurance on the house. Is your income below the NC poverty level for assistance? I am surprised that you are paying insurance, as home owners usually carry the policy on the house.

 

Try here to find out if you may be eligible for any help.

 

https://epass.nc.gov/ePASS/cw/PlayerPage.do?

 

So it sounds like the house is in a trust, with your grandmother having a life estate with your aunt and father inheriting. Your father is deceased, so I am not sure why his share would be split between your mother and your brother; that seems odd. If you and your father were close, I would have thought that you would be included with your brother as an equal heir. It sounds like your father died intestate (meaning he had no will), so your mother would inherit only a share of his estate, and his offspring (you and your brother) would inherit the rest. So - your mother would get 1/3 of your father's half, and your father's 2 descendents would each get 1/3 of his half.

 

If the house sale proceeds, though, would only net each heir (according to your post - there are 3) a few thousand dollars each, then the house is in terrible shape or has tremendous debt against it. Even if you were in the poorest county in NC (Robeson County), the average home value is $66,000.

 

Check out this site, for NC first time home buyers who have limited income. http://www.nchfa.com/homebuyers/hbwhatweoffer.aspx

There may be some help available to you.

 

A thought. (Like I said - I am not sure why you are out of the line of succession for part ownership of this house. The laws of NC clearly show how property is to be dispersed following the death of an intestate property owner). BUT - you COULD ask your mother to please deed you her share of the house in exchange for a future partial share of her estate. And then you would need to work on getting a home loan so that you could buy out your aunt and brother.

 

Example: If the house is worth $50,000, then your aunt would get $25,000, and your brother/mother would each get $12,500. Your mother gives you her share of the house. Your mother's estate is currently worth approximately $100,000, so when she dies, you/brother would each get $50,000; if she gives you her share of grandfather's home, then you get $50,000 and your brother gets $62,250. (If she had died with the $12,500 added to her estate, then the estate of $112,500 would have been divided between you and your brother for $62,250.)

 

SO - you would be trying to buy a $50,000 and you already own 1/6 of it, which is a good chunk of equity.

 

BUT if you were to find that you should be inheriting as an heir equal to your brother, then your aunt would receive $25,000, and your mother/brother/you would each get $8,333. If your mother deeded you her share, then you would have $16,666 of the house.

 

Again, if the house really is only worth $10-15k, then you should seriously rethink whether or not you want to own this. The upkeep and repair on a house that is worth that little would be very very difficult for you.

[carhill]

OP, my best advice is to accept that one can't choose their family or how that family treats one and to take this time while paying undermarket rent to form a plan which excludes family from the equation. Time is your asset, along with life experience. Utilize it wisely. Your goal is, apparently, to avoid homelessness. Go with that. Worry about the other 'fairness' stuff later.

 

FWIW, the only times my tenants see me is when they call because something needs fixing. Otherwise, it's like they own the house, and one of them is my childhood home so you can bet I'm interested in how things go. So, along those lines, you should qualify landlords just like I qualify tenants, and be a good tenant to a quality landlord. Each new step in a positive direction provides a plethora of potential opportunities. The first step is up to you.

 

When you've formulated a specific plan, bring it here and open it up for discussion. There are a lot of generous and bright minds here willing to help. Good luck.

[2sure]

I understand that the home must be sold to satisfy a trust of some sort. But why 3 ways? Why is your brother entitled to a share but not you? What happened that you were specifically excluded from whoever made the rules of the trust?

 

Many times homes and property are sold to one of the persons entitled to a share. They buy the others out. Will your mother consider giving you her share to use as downpayment?

[OneFootOut]

Thank you all, for the GREAT and thorough advice about all of this. Honestly, I don't know why everything is between the 3 of them. It's what I have been told. My mother gets what was to be my father’s half. My brother gets his part because he is over the estate and has been paying taxes on the house for years. When my father passed away, my mother inherited everything the two of them owned. I don't have any idea what, if anything, my brother and I will get/split/share when my mother passes. I haven't been included in those discussions over the years.

 

I haven't done anything specific to be 'excluded'. I think it is just because I have been the one busy with raising kids and struggling through life. My brother was more well off, settled, single, and available to be more deeply involved in all of this. I've been over on the sidelines like some sort of afterthought.

 

On another note, my brother and mother disowned my aunt (dad's only sibling) and absolutely detest her because she failed to show up when my dad was so sick, and she never acknowledged his passing or attended the funeral. You never realize how dysfunctional your family is till you can get away and look from a distance!

 

I may be the black sheep to them, but honestly I feel like the better person. I'd rather be poor and care about people and have a good nature, than be well off and so close minded and cold toward everyone.

 

Right now, in this moment, I am focusing on lining up some options. I’m looking into housing and rentals in my area as well. My grandmother may pass next week, or she may hang on a few more years, we just never know. My son (in MI) has let me know his door is always open if I need a place to land. So at least I have that peace of mind.

 

I'm a good tenant, it's just a money issue with me. I can't afford rental rates on my own these days, and would likely need a roommate or some assistance. Or a husband! lol

[carhill]

A co-tenant (roommate) is a great idea. In this economy, a lot of people are struggling and looking for creative ways to survive and prosper. Also, if you're low income and meet the guidelines, you may qualify for what we call in our area 'Section 8' housing, which is federally subsidized and administered by the county. Depending on circumstances, you would pay some or none of the rents due out of your own pocket. The landlord must qualify the home for this program and have it inspected by a representative of the program. I've been approached many times by tenants asking if my housing was/is section 8 (it isn't). However, for many landlords, this is a good program for them. Look into similar programs in your locale.

 

By staying focused on the immediate issue, that of avoiding homelessness, you can deflect attention from all the family drama, which in no way furthers your goal. So, specifically, what's one positive step you can take today to further that goal? It might be something as simple as using your internet access to educate yourself about housing you may qualify for and write down or print out exactly what you need to do to achieve that goal. Just one thing, each day. Good luck.

[Lucky_One]

So your brother will not receive shares of the house proceeds? Ok, it looks like your father died testate. What your brother can claim is no more than 5% of the total estate value as executor fees.

 

In that case, I don't see why you don't approach your mother about her deeding you her share of the house prior its being sold. You can try to get a home loan for the half that your aunt would inherit. The amount of the house can be deducted from the future share of what you would inherit.

[pureinheart]

I feel ya OneFootOut. I got screwed too when it came to immediate family and money. I have always been stubborn and have had the screw you attitude, keep your money, I'll get my own.

 

I didn't read the responses indepth but skimmed...and saw you thanking everyone for the responses so am assuming you got some real tangible help...I'll hit this on the BTDT side:)

 

I'm an only child with parents that divorced when I was young and remarried. My parents passed first, and so I got to see some interesting things first hand. Deception and greed seemed to be their mantle.

 

The steps in both cases went through everything, taking all of the valuables. When my stepdad passed (of course the valuables were gone) we all went through the house, now mind you it really was mostly stuff that was extremely used, that not even thrift stores would want...well my daughter got some pans and other stuff and my step made a comment that she wanted that stuff:rolleyes:...she's worth a few mil ...ok.

 

Family or not this is how most people are. I have dealt with a lot of death in my day and see this ALL the time...it is insanity IMO.

 

I know you sitch sucks...although try not to look at what "they" have. It looks like they have what they have because they hoard.

 

My family has ALWAYS felt that I didn't deserve anything (except my dad) because I live totally outside the box. Use this as an opportunity to set yourself free from the crap they have spoken over you most of your life. Fact is, they don't care if you and your kids are struggling...if they did they would lend a hand. They. Don't. Care. Don't expect them to care.

 

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))....

[pureinheart]

A co-tenant (roommate) is a great idea. In this economy, a lot of people are struggling and looking for creative ways to survive and prosper. Also, if you're low income and meet the guidelines, you may qualify for what we call in our area 'Section 8' housing, which is federally subsidized and administered by the county. Depending on circumstances, you would pay some or none of the rents due out of your own pocket. The landlord must qualify the home for this program and have it inspected by a representative of the program. I've been approached many times by tenants asking if my housing was/is section 8 (it isn't). However, for many landlords, this is a good program for them. Look into similar programs in your locale.

 

By staying focused on the immediate issue, that of avoiding homelessness, you can deflect attention from all the family drama, which in no way furthers your goal. So, specifically, what's one positive step you can take today to further that goal? It might be something as simple as using your internet access to educate yourself about housing you may qualify for and write down or print out exactly what you need to do to achieve that goal. Just one thing, each day. Good luck.

 

CH, I think the section 8 rules were changed, I think they are only honoring those that applied prior to 2010 or 11?...not sure what they have in NC...here the waiting list is forever.

 

CH, please correct me if this is mis info:)

[carhill]

I have a friend who's a real estate broker in Raleigh-Durham so I'll ask him when I'm visiting in a couple weeks. He deals with both rentals and sales. I only know about the program administration in my county here in Cali. Currently, the voucher (Section 8) wait list is closed and there are alternative housing programs operated by the housing authority as interim measures for families in need. The implementation varies by county. The OP can contact her local housing authority for options and recommendations. Admittedly, in these economic times, government subsidies and resources are being strained, so it's tough to get both help figuring it out as well as finding a place in line.

 

Knowledge is power so the more the OP knows, the more options which will be available to her. Since she has few resources, save for amenable family members open to negotiation, she'll have little opportunity on that front since she can't mount a court challenge if such an avenue exists; she simply doesn't have the resources. However, that shouldn't stop her from becoming educated about the processes which the family will go through prior and upon the illnesses and/or deaths of members. The more she knows, the more options available.