cdm369 Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 ]Im engaged to the one woman I've ever truly loved. The last couple months I've had a feeling something wasn't right. 3 weeks ago she lied to me and said she had to go to work early. On my way to work I go by her work and she is not there. She lied. So I wait for her to show up...she finally did so she was missing for 2 hours. Wouldn't answer her cell or text. She then said she went walking with a girlfriend and left her phone in the car. Still doesn't feel right to me. So I snoop and go through her phone(was acting secretive before all this)and find calls from her last ex. She says I have to talk to him cause we work together. Tells me if I want to go through her phone to ask. Next day I ask and go through her messaging and found delivery reports to texts where she was texting him. She deleted the texts but not the reports. When she saw his name pop up she quickly took the phone and even slept with it. She had a alibi for the 2 hours...a friend of hers who I don't know. Said she didn't tell me where she was really going because I would have checked up on her anyway. Trust issues previously...thought they were worked out. Think she has given me reason to be this way. Am I wrong? What happened? Thoughts?
OneFootOut Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Have you been snooping and checking up on her all the time before her recent behavior? If so, that's a good way to drive her away and put a wedge between you two. If you keep accusing and suspecting her of doing things she's not doing.. she just might. Or she might start with the lies just to get a moment without you breathing down her neck or checking up on her. If you weren't like that before this behavior, yes, I think you have a right to feel a little untrusting and suspicious, especially with her grabbing the phone and sleeping with it. That's a great big obvious sign that she's hiding something. The way to deal with it is to have a long calm discussion about your future together. If you can't trust her now, you never will. There are 2 sides to every story, and we don't know hers, but from what you wrote, it sounds like maybe you love her far more than she does you. If you love someone, you don't sneak around, lie, and hide things.
Author cdm369 Posted November 6, 2011 Author Posted November 6, 2011 The lie on her part is what activated my trust issues. I never went through any of her things until after that point. She has said if the roles were reversed....none of this would bother her. When we talked about the information I discovered, now suddenly I am controlling.
OneFootOut Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 The lie on her part is what activated my trust issues. I never went through any of her things until after that point. She has said if the roles were reversed....none of this would bother her. When we talked about the information I discovered, now suddenly I am controlling. Hate to say it, but maybe she's changed her mind about marriage and doesn't know how to handle it with you, or is not mature enough to do so. People who love each other don't sneak around or lie or put themselves into any circumstances where they would need to delete calls or hide things. If I was in a relationship, my mate would never have a reason to doubt me, because I am focused on him and us. I simply don't do things or allow myself to get in situations that would cause him to question. In my mind, that's what love and commitment is. I'd say bottom line is to trust your instincts. People are who they are and a marriage certificate won't change them. If she's sneaky and lying, she will likely continue to be. You need to decide what you are willing to put up with if you stay with her, or walk away and find someone who respects you and your relationship enough not to do such things. I'm sure some others will chime in soon with different opinions. Good luck with the situation.
Jynxx Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 The truth is, she's cheating on you and doesn't even feel the need to confess after you've found out. Dump the whore. Now it's still free, after you're married it will most likely cost you a monthly payment for the rest of your life. Be glad you found out now.
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