BK Girl Posted May 21, 2004 Posted May 21, 2004 My boyfriend asked me that question last night as we were about to break up. Our relationship has been pretty rocky lately (some of that story in the self improvement forum under 'Why am I such a mean, nasty person?' ) I've treated him pretty badly these last couple of months, having crazy mood swings that are sprung from insecurities and being depressed and such, and I was too selfish and caught up in my own drama to notice that it was having such a negative effect on him. He told me that sometimes he cries himself to sleep over me! I feel absolutely terrible. He says he also thinks he hasn't treated me as well as he should because he's homesick (he's from London) and hasn't been traveling as often as he's used to (his work sends him all over the world and he's not used to being in one country for long periods of time so it's a big change for him to be in NY for a whole year). Anyhow, he says that not traveling makes him depressed and like he feels trapped and he thinks that he directs his anger at me. When we first started dating he mentioned that he used to have a tendency to get very depressed (he used to go to therapy for it,was even suicidal at one point and may have been diagnosed manic depressive) but I've only really seen him get emotional a couple of times and its always when he's been drinking. Last night was pretty bad as he went back and forth from telling me how horrible I've been to feeling sorry for himself and asking why I was with him because he's a bad person. He was convinced that I was unhappy with him (and to be honest I don't really blame him for thinking that cause I've been acting like such an ass). The truth is that I am happy with him and very much in love with him but it's hard to convince someone of that once you've really messed up, ya know? So now since he thought that I didn't want to be with him he got his boss to send him to Asia for a large part of the summer (July and August). Then in September he has to go back to London for some time to renew his visa. Nothing is totally set in stone yet (except the trip to London) but I'm REALLY sad and brokenhearted at the thought of him being away so long. I don't want to hold him back from it though(he said he wouldn't go if I would be upset about it) because I know it's important to him. In the end we didn't break up but it's going to be a really tough summer. He's leaving to L.A. today on another business trip and when he comes back next week he'll be spending all his time with his dad who will be in town for a couple of days. After that, he's going back to London for Memorial Day weekend and should be back in NY for the month of June (I hope). With all this going on, with both of us being messed up emotionally (I'm going to start going to therapy for my problems), and with our personality differences (we're like Dharma and Greg) is the fact that we're in love with one another enough to hold our relationship together?
Scandalous_Temptress Posted May 21, 2004 Posted May 21, 2004 I think so!! Isn't that comforting?! It sounds to me like both of you are going through your own dilemmas personally. The best thing for you to do (him as well) is to talk through your emotions to each other. Communication is key!! Tell him how you feel about the two of you being apart. He is obviously feeling rejected, so ensure him that you DO love him & are not sure how you'll deal with him being gone so long. It almost sounds like he WANTS to hear you tell him that you can hardly stand the thought of being without him. He needs to feel needed. If you really have been an ass towards him, apologize & start over. Now that you've had a little scare with him leaving, it seems you've really come to realization of how you feel. Just reassure him of your love. It sounds to me like this situation can only get better!!!
2ndConfusedfemale Posted May 21, 2004 Posted May 21, 2004 I didn't really read all of your post, but love is enough for love, but love IS NOT enough for the relationship. You can love someone all that you want, but that does not guarantee a happy relationship, or that the relationship will survive. Just my .02 cents.
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