cerisenightshade Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 My boyfriend dumped me this past Tuesday out of the blue. We were in a long distance relationship. He attend law school over 8 hours away. The reasons for the breakup? He basically named issues we've discussed in the past. For example, I have family baggage. Exactly a month ago, he said that he will always be there for me and will support me. That he would never leave me because of my family. In his breakup, he stated things like "an apple does not fall far from the tree" and that he can't handle my family. He mentions other issues such as my stress level (and how I stress out easily), our personality differences, how his friends don't like me, and etc. We've discussed all of these issues before. In fact, a month ago I offered him a way out. I listed all the issues (more less the same ones) and offered to leave him because he deserves much better. He responded with a very romantic email stating he loves me for who I am and that he would not leave me. His break up email was very vicious and mean. It totally did not sound like him. I honestly believe he meant what he said when he told me he loved me. I saw him last weekend. We had some disagreements, but I thought we were going to be able to work it out. He was going to fly down this weekend. Instead, he broke up with me on Tuesday thus canceling the flight. I really don't know what to think. Could it be because little things were adding up (he had a really bad week with his dog passing away and all) and he decided to break up? Or was he lying when he told me he love me? Or was he lying to himself? Right when he sent me the email, I called him. We talked. He sounded very distant and emotionless. He reminded me that once he makes a decision he doesn't change his mind. He even said "there is a difference between in love and loving someone". I made the mistake of begging and pleading with him. It didn't help. I am planning to not contact him at all until Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving I am planning to text him "Happy Thanksgiving". Is there a chance between us? What do you think he'll think when he sees the text? Do you think he'll change his mind? Do you think I should bother? Or do you think I should just give up hope. I really am at lost. All I can feel is the gaping hole in my heart. I didn't realize how much I love him until he broke up with me. I am experience heart break for the first time in mylife. Thanks for your help/ advice.
BCCA Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 If you dont mind my asking, what exactly is your family baggage? I suppose it isnt that important, but Im just curious. It doesnt sound good, to be honest. If his friends dont like you, it was only a matter of time before he left you. If you think about it, he's basically in a position of chosing between them and you, and thats got to wear on anyone. Could it be because little things were adding up (he had a really bad week with his dog passing away and all) and he decided to break up? Or was he lying when he told me he love me? Or was he lying to himself? You having family baggage and his friends not liking you are NOT little things, those are a big deal. Little things would be you like fish and he doesnt, or you snore. The issues you mention are pretty serious. He doesnt have to be lying, he could love you, but not feel like youre the one. It doesnt mean he hates you, but he just seems to have decided that he would be better off going in another direction with somebody else. I am planning to not contact him at all until Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving I am planning to text him "Happy Thanksgiving". Is there a chance between us? What do you think he'll think when he sees the text? Bad idea. If there is any chance whatsoever, it has to be HIM that makes the first move. Chasing him in any way will make him run the opposite direction. It would be counterproductive, your best bet is to just let him do his thing, and work on getting on with your life. If he was to come back, getting yourself ready to move on without him would put you in a better position to deal with whatever happens and to have a clear mind. I think at best, he'll text back something like 'thanks, happy thanksgiving' or something like that. Then what would you do? And youre setting yourself up to wait 3 weeks for a potential dissapointment. Again, bad idea. Do you think he'll change his mind? The only way he will reconsider is if he has time to think about things without any input or contact from you, and decides he made a mistake. To be honest, probably less than a 50% chance, but the only way you have ANY chance is to let him reach a decision on his own. Do you think I should bother? Or do you think I should just give up hope No. Dont bother him at all. Move on with your life as though he isnt coming back. Tell yourself that there are plenty more fish in the sea (which there are) and that you deserve someone who loves you for who you are and wants to spend their life with you. You dont need someone who doesnt want to be with you, he's a waste of time. You dont have to hate him, but you do need to leave him alone and focus on getting on with your life. When you meet Mr. Right, there wont be any doubts, and there wont be any breakups. Im sorry this happened to you, I know it hurts. But youll be ok, I promise.
Author cerisenightshade Posted November 6, 2011 Author Posted November 6, 2011 If he does reply on Thanksgiving, then I am going to let it progress naturally. If he response with "Happy Thanksgiving", then I am going to leave it be. If he responds with a question along the lines of "How are you?". I will answer truthfully but briefly and sufficiently. I am not planning to beg/ whine to him. I am not planning to plead. To certain extent, if he rejects my text it will give me a complete closure. I guess. At least that is what I am thinking right now.... As for your comments about his friends hating me.... I am fairly certain that was an exaggeration on his part. I have met his friends once. And even then it was just a brief hi and bye. I was nice/ respectful towards them. I may have been a bit reserved, but I doubt they hate me. He just moved to law school. All of his friends are NEW friends. Technically, he's just starting to become friends with them. He's complained about a few of his "friends" to. My biggest mistake was telling him I didn't like his friends that much.
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