katherinerose Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 For those of you who have been through this. Do you have any suggestions? What's your life like now that you are separated or divorce? Are you happy with the decision you've made. Thanks so much for your suggestions.
Tiberius Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Why do you want to divorce? Are children involved? Did he cheat, hit you, abuse you?
Josephina Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 We are 3.5 months since we decided to divorce. Once we made the decision, it got really bad, and I suspect the worst is not over. We are on an extreme emotional roller-coaster, where he is now a shadow of the man I thought I married. It is definitely not easy, but for me it is the right decision. Either repairing a marriage, staying in a damaged marriage, or leaving - they all require a lot of hard work and emotions, and all have their downfalls.
carhill Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Deciding to divorce was probably the calmest decision of the last five years of our M. It came after much reflection and work in MC. Each circumstance is different. Patterns can be gleaned from the volumes of anecdotes penned here on LS but, ultimately, when one has seen one M, one has seen one M. Last year (2010), I lost three women I had loved a great deal, two by choice (theirs and/or mine) and one by death. It's more peaceful around the carhill household than it has been in decades. That's no indictment of the women involved, rather a testament of the path to personal health. I hope the ladies still living are happy in their new relationships and that my mother is resting peacefully in wherever her journey of death took her. If you're willing to share the particulars of your story, we can offer support and advice. Alternatively, use the search function and spend time reading. There's great information and insight to be gleaned just from doing that. Good luck and welcome to LS
KathyM Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I can tell you what my sister's experience was. I have not experienced that, but she has twice. With her first husband, she was relieved to be away from him, since he was a cheater and verbally and emotionally abusive to her. She no longer loved him, so she did not regret the breakup. Her children suffered quite a bit from the separation and divorce though. The kids were both quite stressed out for a period of a few years, one started doing drugs, started experiencing post traumatic stress disorder, his grades dropped, and he got quite off track for awhile afterwards. The other guy lost his focus and quit his activities which he had previously excelled at. The kids were a mess for a few years, but they managed to straighten themselves out in time. Divorce and separation is extremely hard on children, and gives them such a strong sense of insecurity and being out of control, since they are helpless to change anything. With my sister's second husband, when she asked him to leave, she went through periods of reconciliation, and was on an emotional roller coaster for a year, alternating between wanting desperately to have him back, feeling jealous when he dated someone else because she still loved him, but realizing that he just wasn't husband material, and never had been. So she was a basket case for a year, and switching from reconciling to determined to divorce almost on a daily basis. Every time she talked to him, got an Email from him, or he showed up at her door, her heart would melt and she'd realize she didn't want to let him go. So it all depends on if you still love your husband. If you don't, I imagine the separation and divorce will go smoother. I would suggest, though, if you haven't already given MC a try, you do so before making the divorce final. I think you owe it to yourself to try to see if it can be salvaged. You once loved this man very much. It is sometimes possible to recapture those feelings through counseling. I know people who have recaptured their lost feelings after having been separated for awhile, and they are doing well and glad they got back together. It' worth a try.
reboot Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 What's your life like now .... Lonely. But the sad part is, that's a 100% improvement.
Shane Jimison Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 I read an article recently about a man and a woman who live right next door to each other! They are still married, but don't sleep in the same house. He smokes, she doesn't. He's a night owl, she's an early riser. They were both interviewed and said they couldn't be happier! This was an extreme example of separation that works,
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