JohnH1977 Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Long Story short Im a 35 year old man I've been married for 7 years now No children. I love my wife dearly. Recently there has been a new young lady that has started working at my job..She's absolutely gorgeous definately attracted to her..We haven't spoken to each other except Hello how are you etc. I try my hardest not to make eye contact or flirt with her but the sexually attraction is very strong..Mind you she has NOT done anything disrespectful as she knows Im married..But I can't get her out of my mind..I have even thought of her while lying next to my wife...The Temptation is getting stronger to act on my thoughts. What should I do?..I would appreciate some answers from the men who understand where Im coming from as a Man. Thx.
2sunny Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Stop focusing your time and energy in the OW... And focus all of it on your W. IF you think you may want to cheat - do proper order - get your divorce final before ever starting with this potential OW. That's only fair to both gals.
jnj express Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 If you love your wife so dearly---WHY are seriously looking at/flirting with other women----and please don't tell me its a man thing---that is pure BS , and YOU know it What you are is SELFISH, don't blame it on testosterone, for no matter what your brain is spose to be a little stronger, or are your brains down where you sit-----You know right from wrong, and please stop with the delusion of how much you love yor wife---for if you truly love your wife---you might look like all men do, but that would be the end right then and there
bentnotbroken Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I think you should tell your wife everything you have written here and let her have the opportunity to help you discover why you feel the way you do. It is only fair that you include her in a decision that will effect her life also.
Owl Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 At this point, you've JUST admitted to yourself the attraction to her...you've not told her about your attraction, nor truly acted on it. OK... So...you need to REMOVE yourself from participating further with her. NO MORE FLIRTING. You need to go flat out COLD on her. Make it clear that there's NOTHING more than standard work interaction between the two of you going forward. PERIOD. Anything less will leave that door open for a line to get crossed. You can keep from feeding that attraction further to let it grow into something else.
robf1971 Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 Long Story short Im a 35 year old man I've been married for 7 years now No children. I love my wife dearly. Recently there has been a new young lady that has started working at my job..She's absolutely gorgeous definately attracted to her..We haven't spoken to each other except Hello how are you etc. I try my hardest not to make eye contact or flirt with her but the sexually attraction is very strong..Mind you she has NOT done anything disrespectful as she knows Im married..But I can't get her out of my mind..I have even thought of her while lying next to my wife...The Temptation is getting stronger to act on my thoughts. What should I do?..I would appreciate some answers from the men who understand where Im coming from as a Man. Thx. Your'e one step away from having an affair. Either step away from this other woman or leave your wife to be with her.
reboot Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 What should I do?..I would appreciate some answers from the men who understand where Im coming from as a Man. That is such a cop out. Oh yes, let's get us some sympathy from other troglodytes that can't manage to think with the big head. Please.
nyrias2 Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 That is such a cop out. Oh yes, let's get us some sympathy from other troglodytes that can't manage to think with the big head. Please. People here are UNBELIEVABLE. We have a guy here who did NOT cheat and try very hard NOT to cheat. And how do some people treat him? Called him names, and jumped on his case. Isn't this the kind of behavior we should ENCOURAGE? To draw boundaries and stop before it is too late? Being attracted to others than you spouse is almost unavoidable. I applaud the OP for try to resist temptation.
justme37 Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 Dude, Remove yourself from the temptation, no matter how you do it. Otherwise, think of this scenario: Say you have an affair with this woman, who may be psycho for all you know, your wife finds out and leaves you (rightfully so) You now try to make some sort of relationship with the "new girl" only to have her do the same thing to you, that you did to your wife, Cheat. Now IF you're lucky, you will find yourself alone, divorced from the one woman that loved you, scorned and hopefully without and STD. Now, like I said, remove yourself from this temptation, and go home and give the woman that loves you (you know, you're wife)a nice hug and kiss.
whichwayisup Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 Long Story short Im a 35 year old man I've been married for 7 years now No children. I love my wife dearly. Recently there has been a new young lady that has started working at my job..She's absolutely gorgeous definately attracted to her..We haven't spoken to each other except Hello how are you etc. I try my hardest not to make eye contact or flirt with her but the sexually attraction is very strong..Mind you she has NOT done anything disrespectful as she knows Im married..But I can't get her out of my mind..I have even thought of her while lying next to my wife...The Temptation is getting stronger to act on my thoughts. What should I do?..I would appreciate some answers from the men who understand where Im coming from as a Man. Thx. Keep this in perspective. Is a hot f((k with another woman worth throwing away what you have with your wife? Lose all that you have now for a roll in the hay? Just because you're married doesn't mean you can't be attracted to other women, or notice them.. The problem is, you're ALLOWING yourself to get caught up in this and think about it too often. You're fantasizing and that has to stop. Look at close you are to making a move, fact that you've considered it IS dangerous.. And stupid too. Focus on your work and push thoughts of banging this woman out of your head. Take your wife out on a fun date and focus that energy into her and not the OW at work. If you put that same effort into your marriage and wife, the OW wouldn't be so tempting. You need to be pro active and stop the thoughts/fantasies.
nofool4u Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Long Story short Im a 35 year old man I've been married for 7 years now No children. I love my wife dearly. Recently there has been a new young lady that has started working at my job..She's absolutely gorgeous definately attracted to her..We haven't spoken to each other except Hello how are you etc. I try my hardest not to make eye contact or flirt with her but the sexually attraction is very strong..Mind you she has NOT done anything disrespectful as she knows Im married..But I can't get her out of my mind..I have even thought of her while lying next to my wife...The Temptation is getting stronger to act on my thoughts. What should I do? what do you mean what should you do? are you thinking that some of us here should tell you to go for it? is this a serious question? what should you do? grow up. you made a commitment to your wife and you "claim" to love her dearly. so honor that. I don't believe that even has to be explained to you, hence the "grow up" comment.
confusedinkansas Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 All I can say is, read between the lines. SHEEESH..........Really??????? It's comments like this that actually put a wrench in this whole system. If it weren't for people like you constantly 'READING BETWEEN THE LINES' & your holier than thou attitudes - thinking that YOU are the knower of all.......LS would operate a lot more smoothly. :rolleyes: ...............but I digress.......... Take what the man said at face value. He hasn't cheated. OP - As others have said - Simply remove yourself from the temptation to cheat. Stop flirting. Period!
Sto Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 (edited) I agree and support bentnotbroken’s opinion. The best thing you can do is to share with your wife. It seems to me that you are an honest man and you don’t want to cheat on your wife. If you tell her about the attraction you will gain at least two things: 1 –you will prove your honesty and 2 – you will make it much harder for you to cheat. Your life will most likely understand that attraction is chemistry and it cannot be controlled but honesty is something you can control. She will feel bad at first that at the moment you are more attracted to the other woman than to her, but later she will surely appreciate your honesty and she will feel much more secure with you. Let her ask you questions about your attraction everyday. This way she will feel that you don’t have anything to hide but at the same time you will feel that whatever you do you will have to share it with your wife and this will keep you away of doing something that she would fine wrong. I totally understand that this sounds crazy but this is exactly what I did in a similar situation. My wife did not paid attention at first and even didn’t mind talking to the other woman but the things started to escalate a little between me and the other woman and at some point my wife asked me to stop talking to her and seeing her and I had no choice but to obey. Now 6-7 years later I am proud of myself that I found the courage to share the situation with my wife. Edited November 9, 2011 by Sto
nofool4u Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Take what the man said at face value. did you take what he said at face value? because it wasn't worth 2 pennies. he is asking us what he should do, as if he may think some here will tell him to go for it and cheat on his wife. anytime someone poses a question not knowing whether they should cheat or not, there is no value.
reboot Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 SHEEESH..........Really??????? It's comments like this that actually put a wrench in this whole system. If it weren't for people like you constantly 'READING BETWEEN THE LINES' & your holier than thou attitudes - thinking that YOU are the knower of all.......LS would operate a lot more smoothly. :rolleyes: ...............but I digress.......... Take what the man said at face value. He hasn't cheated. OP - As others have said - Simply remove yourself from the temptation to cheat. Stop flirting. Period! I understand your attitude, so why not tell him what you really think he should do, which is, go ahead and cheat.
Linda9999 Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 The guy isn't asking whether he should cheat or not. He's asking how he can AVOID cheating. Holy crap people. There was a woman I worked with and hung out with socially about a decade ago that my husband found super sexy. (So did almost every other guy who knew her - she was one of THOSE women, the ones who seem to turn every guy they meet into a quivering penishead. But I digress) He never actually told me how sexy he found her, but he did bring her into our bedroom by talking about her during sex. Things like asking me to describe her and I going at it for him, or him describing what he'd like us to do, that type of thing. It got to the point she was there ALL THE TIME. I finally told him to STFU about her and that was that. But I am sure he still had her in his head, and as long as he kept her there and never brought her out I was OK with it. Heck, he probably still fantasizes about her for all I know. But that's as far as it went. And that's as far as it can go with you, too, unless you divorce your wife first. You don't necessarily need to tell your wife about this other woman unless you really think you're going to lose control and do something that crosses the line. And by 'the line', I mean whatever you and your wife have mutually agreed upon as 'cheating'. It doesn't sound like you've cheated YET and I am assuming you want to keep it that way. Let this woman reside in your head, use her to spice things up a bit for yourself in your mind, even bring out the fantasy with your wife if you can keep it from being TOO obvious, like my husband did. But do NOT cross the line. Do whatever you have to to keep from crossing the line. Because once you cross the line, you can never ever again be the husband who DIDN'T cross the line.
Severely Unamused Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 (edited) Have you calmly discussed how you will handle attraction to the opposite sex, with your wife? If yes, than do what you have discussed. If no, than calmly discuss how you will handle attraction to the opposite sex, with your wife. That's just my opinion anyway. Edited November 10, 2011 by Severely Unamused
Severely Unamused Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 one post = troll Probably. Although affairs such as this seem to start due to poor communication skills. Or poor listening skills. Of course, you can't listen to something that hasn't been communicated yet. But I digress.
findingnemo Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 I think you should tell your wife everything you have written here and let her have the opportunity to help you discover why you feel the way you do. It is only fair that you include her in a decision that will effect her life also. This is good advice. I would also add that trying to ignore this and forcing yourself to turn cold on her may only work in the short term. If you tell your W now, there'll be some fallout but the good thing is that you'll likely concentrate on your M as a result of her pain. Know this, you are a better person for recognizing a danger and asking for advice. You haven't done anything wrong...yet. You have a problem and since it is your feelings that are betraying you, you need to create a difficult situation to nip them in the bud. Telling your W will make your M stronger. Now to a disclaimer: if any of these apply, please disclose. 1. This is more than what you have written. People usually seek for help when something has actually happened. What happened? 2. You have had an A before. If any of these apply, discard Bents and my advice and disclose. People will be able to help you better. If not, then develop some willpower, desist and tell your W that there seems to be a problem.
nofool4u Posted November 10, 2011 Posted November 10, 2011 The guy isn't asking whether he should cheat or not. He's asking how he can AVOID cheating. Holy crap people. This woman, according to him, isn't doing anything but exist and is attractive. the woman in question isn't doing anything inappropriate to him. Its ALL him and his desires sexually towards her. He said his desires are getting stronger to act. If he isn't wondering if he should pursue this woman, then the question of "what should I do" is kind of stupid, don't you think? Its obvious what he should do, grow up and be committed to his wife emotionally as well as physically. again, I can't believe it has to be explained to him.
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