mbike999 Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 After you read this I doubt you will think I am the former... It all started with a breakup two years ago. I'd been with a girl for 5 years, since high school. We both were making great strides in our life (school, jobs, etc), we had a nice place and we started to share finances, and then suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks--I was not ready to settle down. This led to me feeling unfulfilled and ultimately making the awful mistake of extending the relationship far too long when I should have just come clean and ended it sooner - for her sake and mine. Then one day I built up the courage to end it cold turkey. The breakup was awful - she simply lost it when I told her how I felt. I am still scarred by what went down that day - which included her throwing **** at me and screaming in outright rage. Then the dust settled. I kept true to NC rules with her and eventually started to piece my life back together. Briefly after that relationship ended, I met my current girlfriend. Smart, intriguing, and seemingly a better fit in a lot of ways. Things started getting serious really fast. Here I am two years later - we moved in together, started sharing finances, and like clockwork I have started feeling the same emotions again. But this time, unlike last, it's come about as a result of meeting another girl at work. She's gorgeous, funny, and a blast to be around. For several months after I met her I was able to thwart my feelings for her, but now it has become unbearable - and these feelings have me losing sleep and seriously doubting my current relationship. Though I promised myself not to ever commit an act of infidelity, the thoughts I am coming up with are truly an injustice to my girlfriend. So, right now, nobody knows. Both my girlfriend and the girl from my work have no idea of my feelings. I am scared about the potential life changing results of my decisions, which has me feeling alone, and lost, and afraid that I am possibly ruining a great thing in my current relationship. At the same time, for all I know the girl I like from work is seeing other people, or perhaps I'm not even her type or have a chance. So I could follow through on these feelings and instead of get a true taste of the real world. Am I just getting really good at setting myself up for disappointment? Am I never going to feel fulfilled in a relationship (permanent G.I.G.S)? How do I know if these are genuine feelings and not just some foolish crap I am conjuring up in my head? Your thoughts are appreciated...
mike588 Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 After you read this I doubt you will think I am the former... It all started with a breakup two years ago. I'd been with a girl for 5 years, since high school. We both were making great strides in our life (school, jobs, etc), we had a nice place and we started to share finances, and then suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks--I was not ready to settle down. This led to me feeling unfulfilled and ultimately making the awful mistake of extending the relationship far too long when I should have just come clean and ended it sooner - for her sake and mine. Then one day I built up the courage to end it cold turkey. The breakup was awful - she simply lost it when I told her how I felt. I am still scarred by what went down that day - which included her throwing **** at me and screaming in outright rage. Then the dust settled. I kept true to NC rules with her and eventually started to piece my life back together. Briefly after that relationship ended, I met my current girlfriend. Smart, intriguing, and seemingly a better fit in a lot of ways. Things started getting serious really fast. Here I am two years later - we moved in together, started sharing finances, and like clockwork I have started feeling the same emotions again. But this time, unlike last, it's come about as a result of meeting another girl at work. She's gorgeous, funny, and a blast to be around. For several months after I met her I was able to thwart my feelings for her, but now it has become unbearable - and these feelings have me losing sleep and seriously doubting my current relationship. Though I promised myself not to ever commit an act of infidelity, the thoughts I am coming up with are truly an injustice to my girlfriend. So, right now, nobody knows. Both my girlfriend and the girl from my work have no idea of my feelings. I am scared about the potential life changing results of my decisions, which has me feeling alone, and lost, and afraid that I am possibly ruining a great thing in my current relationship. At the same time, for all I know the girl I like from work is seeing other people, or perhaps I'm not even her type or have a chance. So I could follow through on these feelings and instead of get a true taste of the real world. Am I just getting really good at setting myself up for disappointment? Am I never going to feel fulfilled in a relationship (permanent G.I.G.S)? How do I know if these are genuine feelings and not just some foolish crap I am conjuring up in my head? Your thoughts are appreciated... Well the girl at work you mentioned, I'm not even her type or have a chance,, perhaps. The old saying still gos, never leave someone good to find someone better because once once you realise you had the best, the best has found better. In other words,, don't screw up something good, why risk losing your current g/f for someone that maybe not your type, she's seeing other people, she may not fall for you?
wilsonx Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Reread your title again and you tell us! I know which one it is and so do you but will you admit it
Author mbike999 Posted November 6, 2011 Author Posted November 6, 2011 Assuming the worst...it can't possibly be normal for me to be feeling this strongly about someone else...can it?
allite Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 be contented yes there are people who are greater than her, there are people who are more attractive, more intelligent, more caring, and more fortunate. That;s life-full of temptations. but dont be deceived by those things. because didnt you ever realize that there are people who are also greater than you? yet she chose you
Author mbike999 Posted November 6, 2011 Author Posted November 6, 2011 Yep. I certainly see where you are coming from. After I wrote the post I found a ton of others with situations just like mine. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Since things actually were technically "greener" after leaving my last relationship, I mistakingly put two and two together when I started feeling this way again. It just makes me wonder if I should be with someone at all, given my lack of contentment. She deserves a partner that's truly devoted - and I don't know if I'm that.
eleanorhurting Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Hey I was in a situation very similar to yours actually a while back and guess what happened? I got burned I screwed up I became self destructive and I am still trying to piece my life together. I think you know what to do.
wilsonx Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Since things actually were technically "greener" after leaving my last relationship, I mistakingly put two and two together when I started feeling this way again. It just makes me wonder if I should be with someone at all, given my lack of contentment. She deserves a partner that's truly devoted - and I don't know if I'm that. But to answer your question, you are self destructive and you know it. I was waiting for you to use that word "Greener" after leaving one relationship to go to the next? Are they really greener? You think they are and guess what? You are in the same predicament now as when you left your first long term relationship for someone else. If you want to continue this cycle, keep doing what you are doing. I was talking to a friend last night who did this for years, she pretty much said the grass is always greener on the other side, for people like you this is true in your self centered minds, for people like us, its nothing but emotional betrayal. If you are not happy in a relationship, and keep doing all this over and over, I think you are starting to see this is self destructive behavior. Just like alcoholism, drug addiction, you use relationships. The problem isn't your significant other as to why you aren't happy in the relationship, go into the bathroom, look into the mirror and there you will see the problem. Fix that problem and then proceed forward
PositiveNegative Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 From your post it looks like you've been in a relationships for seven years straight since high school. Your entire adult life you've been with someone. Perhaps you should take some time to yourself to find out what you really want in life.
Author mbike999 Posted November 6, 2011 Author Posted November 6, 2011 Thanks. I guess, like Glove_slap said...I'm just a douche.
k100danny Posted November 7, 2011 Posted November 7, 2011 I think this could be a number of things. I think viewing someone else as sexually appealing is normal but when you actually consider acting on it then it is definitely time to have a serious think. I have read lots of things about the psychology of attraction and relationships and people all have different needs, the period you are going through is maybe the end of your honeymoon period, lots of people take this as its not working when actually it just marks a point in your relationships getting stronger. you maybe like the inital rush of a new relationship and feel that the relationship should be like that all the time, this would be impossible to maintain for anyone. Like someone said you should think seriously about what you want and need from a relationship and then decide if your current girlfriend can give you that.
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