Is This Womanese for "I'm Not Interested!"

[Johnny85]

Hi All!

 

So on Monday and Tuesday, two weeks ago, I had dinner and spent time with a girl whom I have dated 5-6 times now. When we're together, she is very flirtatious: we're kissing, smiling, touching, holding eye contact, etc. When we're together, any guy would be a fool to think she is not interested. So after our last date, she sent me a text message saying, "See you this week sometime, I hope." I responded in kind. So things were going really great, and I started feeling more comfortable about asking her out more without coming across as desperate/needy/pushy.

 

So the following day I send her a funny text message and she didn't not respond. She has a busy schedule and her work is relatively stressful. Simply put, she has a life and I totally understand that, so I blow it off as nothing. The following day, I ask her if I can bring her dinner to her work (she works late) and she tells me that she is running errands during the evening, followed by a sad smiley face. Being persistent, I ask her if she would like to do something on Halloween. BAM! No response.

 

So I don't contact her for a week. I figure that I'll give it one more shot and I send her a ringtone that I created for her of her favorite band. I called her up cause it is easier to communicate via phone than text. She didn't answer!!! 5 minutes later I receive a thank you message on Facebook. I ask her how her Halloween was. She didn't respond, but 20 minutes after that she comments on my FB status.

 

 

So the next day I texted her and asked her if she would like to go out together and she says she can't, followed by a sad smiley face. So I send her the following text:

 

Me: "Aww so what must a charming Swede do to get a date with name tomorrow? Otherwise I will have to ask Siri out on a date instead. haha"

 

Her: "You are funny:) I can't this weekend cause I am going out of town."

 

Me: Did you get the cute pic I sent you? haha

 

NO RESPONSE!!!

 

 

So I figured I would be spontaneous, and I asked one of her acquaintances if he would like to go out for a beer. We met through her on our first date, and he's a nice guy, so I figured, why not? So we hung out and he kept saying how lucky I am to be dating her, and how cute she is; yadda yadda yadda. It didn't exactly make me feel any better about our lack of communication/being rejected by her. I kept that to myself though. haha

 

 

Obviously there is no magical formula for making someone romantically interested in you. I am just so confused as to why she would kiss me, and send me a "hope to see you soon text" and all of a sudden start acting distant towards me. I feel as if though I may have asked her out one too many times and that she should come to me if she in interested. My question for all of you relationship experts, men and women alike, is this: how would a woman respond to a text asking her if she is still interested in dating me? For instance:

 

Hey name! May I ask you something? Are you still interested in dating me? If not, no worries; I just thought I would ask.

 

 

Note: She has been flaky from the first day that we started dating. She actually cancelled our first date TWICE, and took forever to respond to my texts. Yet she is glued to her phone!

 

I am still emotionally attached to the outcome, and I felt as if though we had a connection, which she reciprocated when we were together, although not when we are apart. But there are many other women out there who are super cool, and if she is not interested, I will just have to move on. But I like her and I would just like to be sure. So I am thinking about approaching either: A) Sending her a text similar to the one above or; B) Giving her some space (perhaps 2 weeks) and seeing how she responds. Perhaps she feels like she knows I am interested, and when I stop giving her attention, she will become more interested. That seems like a really ****ty deal to me though!

 

 

What do the ladies and gentlemen from Loveshack think? Thanks All! Sorry for the long post.

[Art_Critic]

I have always thought when a woman goes dead while emailing/texting is because they just back burnered me..for whatever reason... They end it right there with silence because they have something else to do.. but rest assured if what they were doing got canceled then an email would get sent out..

 

Honestly.. just part of the dating game.. you have to show them what they are missing more Johnny..

She obviously is being shown something by another man but has you on the hook because she likes you but you haven't shown her enough game to catch her interest yet...

 

Time to just go silent and start to let her contact you.. then answer her texts like she answers yours now.. flip it...

[alphamale]

Is This Womanese for "I'm Not Interested!"

basically? yes

[Art_Critic]

basically? yes

 

Leave it to Alpha to answer the question in two words..hahahaha

 

Good one....

Yeah Johnny.. Alpha is right.. but that doesn't mean you can't still turn it around.. just stop all contact with her and go from there...

[alphamale]

Leave it to Alpha to answer the question in two words..hahahaha ...

hahahahahaha

[Johnny85]

Last time we had dinner together, we were talking about one of her male acquaintances who keeps pursuing her friend (and she is not interested in him). Basically, she said that she doesn't understand why she doesn't tell him she isn't interested in him rather than stringing him along. This tells me that she is direct and honest when it comes to dating; and she hasn't told me that she isn't interested.

 

Nonetheless, I like to go by a person's actions vs their words.

[Johnny85]

I have always thought when a woman goes dead while emailing/texting is because they just back burnered me..for whatever reason... They end it right there with silence because they have something else to do.. but rest assured if what they were doing got canceled then an email would get sent out..

 

Honestly.. just part of the dating game.. you have to show them what they are missing more Johnny..

She obviously is being shown something by another man but has you on the hook because she likes you but you haven't shown her enough game to catch her interest yet...

 

Time to just go silent and start to let her contact you.. then answer her texts like she answers yours now.. flip it...

So, basically, I shouldn't contact her again till she contacts me? It just seems as the more interest I show in her, the less interest she shows in me. The problem that I am facing right now is that the interest level is divided 80/20. So I would like to change that.

 

 

What do you think about the direct approach of simply asking her if she is still interested in dating?

[Johnny85]

Leave it to Alpha to answer the question in two words..hahahaha

 

Good one....

 

Hahahaha:p

[Feelin Frisky]

It's womanese for she's not "that" interested--which seems to be "male-ese" to you that she's not interested "enough". Personally I'd assume I've done enough and definitely wouldn't spring that ring tone on her. If she has that much of a life, she may enjoy her power to have men on her terms and not like when they chase or it's on theirs. It bees that way some times.

[Johnny85]

It's womanese for she's not "that" interested--which seems to be "male-ese" to you that she's not interested "enough". Personally I'd assume I've done enough and definitely wouldn't spring that ring tone on her. If she has that much of a life, she may enjoy her power to have men on her terms and not like when they chase or it's on theirs. It bees that way some times.

 

Yeah, I mean, she cannot possibly be "that" busy. I suppose just backing off for a while may bring her the urge to contact me if she feels like she is losing me. And it is funny that you say that about "her wanting it on her terms" which is something I have observed as well. So do you vote for just asking her if she is interested or giving her space?

[Eddie Edirol]

Last time we had dinner together, we were talking about one of her male acquaintances who keeps pursuing her friend (and she is not interested in him). Basically, she said that she doesn't understand why she doesn't tell him she isn't interested in him rather than stringing him along. This tells me that she is direct and honest when it comes to dating; and she hasn't told me that she isn't interested.

 

Nonetheless, I like to go by a person's actions vs their words.

 

Shes not direct at all, in fact shes a coward. What she was doing was trying to tell you indirectly that you were the guy she was talking about.

 

She probably was hanging out with you, using you for an ego boost, when they guy she really wanted rejected her.

 

So dont wait for a call from her, because even if you get her to call you all the time, she still isnt attracted to you, and you lose either way. So find some other woman to date. And next time dont be so attached to the outcome. Always assume they arent truly interested, and that they will always flake. Let them contact you.

[Johnny85]

Shes not direct at all, in fact shes a coward. What she was doing was trying to tell you indirectly that you were the guy she was talking about.

 

She probably was hanging out with you, using you for an ego boost, when they guy she really wanted rejected her.

 

So dont wait for a call from her, because even if you get her to call you all the time, she still isnt attracted to you, and you lose either way. So find some other woman to date. And next time dont be so attached to the outcome. Always assume they arent truly interested, and that they will always flake. Let them contact you.

 

The guy she was talking about was the very same guy I had a few beers with last night. And I saw how that girl was blowing him off. He actually dropped her and found a new girlfriend, so good for him. haha She was actually the one who asked me out for dinner - and she kissed me that night, and asked me out the next day! And we kissed again that night!

 

Honestly, I think not having sex sooner killed some emotional attraction - perhaps I sent off the vibe that I wasn't experienced enough, which is true to a certain extent. I have only had one girlfriend (4 years), so I am new to the whole dating etiquette.

 

 

The general consensus seems to be to let her contact me first opposed to sending her a text asking if she is still interested in dating. Do you agree?

[Feelin Frisky]

...So do you vote for just asking her if she is interested or giving her space?

 

Space. She's had enough opportunity to treat you like a person of interest and she's not. It happens. Better luck elsewhere.

[Johnny85]

Space. She's had enough opportunity to treat you like a person of interest and she's not. It happens. Better luck elsewhere.

 

Ok, I'll give her space. Thanks

[whichwayisup]

Sorry man, she is telling you in her own way that she isn't interested in you. The not answering, taking her time getting back to you, the I'm busy, going out of town, running errands etc., are ALL hints to let you know she isn't into you.

 

I would just stop contacting her and let go. And, if you don't hear from her within 2 - 3 weeks of going stealth/quiet mode on her, delete her off of your facebook.

 

There are other fish in the sea, don't waste time and energy on one who isn't biting.

[Johnny85]

Sorry man, she is telling you in her own way that she isn't interested in you. The not answering, taking her time getting back to you, the I'm busy, going out of town, running errands etc., are ALL hints to let you know she isn't into you.

 

I would just stop contacting her and let go. And, if you don't hear from her within 2 - 3 weeks of going stealth/quiet mode on her, delete her off of your facebook.

 

There are other fish in the sea, don't waste time and energy on one who isn't biting.

 

Yeah, you're right; I will back off:(

 

It sucks cause I really liked her. And I know there are a lot of women out there who are super cool, but I really liked her. But just as Art Critics quote points out, one day someone will come around and it will all make sense why past relationships didn't work out.

 

Thanks for your advice man!

[runner]

Ok, I'll give her space. Thanks

 

seriously- you need to quit giving her stuff

 

you're not giving her 'space', you're giving yourself time to date other girls

[dispatch3d]

Sending her a ring tone sounds stupid to me. I'm a thumbs down on that play/move/whatever the **** it was lol.

 

Anyhow I wouldn't have had the patience to ask her out twice. Good luck in other waters .

[phineas]

Op, women do this crap to me all the time.

It means she found someone else but still wants to keep you on the hook just in case.

More often than not the guy she met is a total player just looking for sex & after he gets it & moves they call me back up just looking for attention.

 

How I handle women in relation to your particular situation:

 

I personally do not let them be vague.

If a woman alludes to doing something I go for nailing down a date.

I tell them when i'm free.

Anything other than a "yes" = no & I tell them to let me know when they want to get together then forget about them.

 

This way, they have time to explore the new guy(s) & If she comes back I'm in control.

 

When they do come back I ask them what they wan't.

 

If I've given them at least 3 evenings of my time before they pull their disappearing act I give them two choices:

 

Movie night at my place or delete my number.

Because, at this point I consider any woman who pulls this crap & isn't sleeping with me a waste of my time.

 

I've had 4 women pull this crap on me this yr.

Only one showed up for the "movie".

The rest never contacted me again.

 

Either way I consider it a win/win situation.

[Johnny85]

Hi All,

 

Thanks for your kind replies.

 

Now I regret sending her a ringtone on Facebook of her favorite band, sending her pictures of my kitten, and asking her out three times (I was just trying to be cute and show her that I liked her). Honesty, I just thought she was into me since she kissed me and sent me a text last time we saw each other saying, "see you this week, I hope." That was on our sixth date. But asking her out three times only to receive petty excuses, i.e., I am going out of town, I am running errands, taking forever to respond to me, and/or sometimes not responding to my messages at all are pretty clear signs that I am not a priority in her life and her interest in me has decreased. So I am just going to back off completely, and allow her to contact me if she is still interested. I am not setting a time limit; if she still wants to date me, I have given her enough opportunity to contact me/ask me out.

 

 

Three things that are possibly going on: 1) She is very busy and did, in fact, go out of town (I don't buy into this one though, for we make time for the things we like/want in life; 2) She met someone else, which is why she has barely been responding to my texts (out of the three options, this is the most likely scenario out of the three options) She even told me last time we were together that she would "make time to see me again"; 3) She is flat out not interested in seeing me again, which is why she hasn't contacted me in a while. She just barely responds with a text and a smiley to be polite.

 

I am getting a feeling of distaste when thinking back at how I chased her over the last two weeks. I should have just stopped after the second consecutive time of asking her out. Maybe I will hear from her again, although I am not betting on it. I have a bad feeling about this one. Oh, well, we live and we learn, right?

 

 

Thanks guys. Very kind of you to help out. I just needed an outside perspective on the situation.

[Johnny85]

Deja vu - she contacted me 4 days later and responded to the picture I sent her. I responded, she responded back, I responded... NO RESPONSE. I feel like I am showing her how to treat me, in a negative way. That I am OK with her taking forever to respond and stringing me along. I am so frustrated right now, I just feel like sending her something like this:

 

"I think you are super cool, but I am getting mixed signals."

 

or

 

"either you are interested or not."

 

or

 

"I am not that guy who plays silly games. I am looking for something sincere and genuine. If that is not you, I will move on..."

 

I like her, but I don't even want to ask her out again, for she's so busy/flaky and chances are she will just say NO. I am pretty set on the idea that if she wants to go out with me again, she can ask me out. Let her wonder why I didn't ask her out this weekend. I hate these games, and nothing good can come from it, which is why I asked you guys about the direct approach. I like the temporary highs that she gives me, but I feel so rejected by her actions or lack thereof. How could anyone NOT be playing these games deliberately? SHe is playing hard to get, and I am going to reciprocate.

[Emilia]

Is she the same chick that wanted to get laid and got fed up with you because you wouldn't give it to her?

[jobaba]

Deja vu - she contacted me 4 days later and responded to the picture I sent her. I responded, she responded back, I responded... NO RESPONSE. I feel like I am showing her how to treat me, in a negative way. That I am OK with her taking forever to respond and stringing me along. I am so frustrated right now, I just feel like sending her something like this:

 

"I think you are super cool, but I am getting mixed signals."

 

or

 

"either you are interested or not."

 

or

 

"I am not that guy who plays silly games. I am looking for something sincere and genuine. If that is not you, I will move on..."

 

I like her, but I don't even want to ask her out again, for she's so busy/flaky and chances are she will just say NO. I am pretty set on the idea that if she wants to go out with me again, she can ask me out. Let her wonder why I didn't ask her out this weekend. I hate these games, and nothing good can come from it, which is why I asked you guys about the direct approach. I like the temporary highs that she gives me, but I feel so rejected by her actions or lack thereof. How could anyone NOT be playing these games deliberately? SHe is playing hard to get, and I am going to reciprocate.

 

You already made out with her, so if she's not interested, screw her.

 

Don't even give her the satisfaction of your little passive/aggressive texts.

 

Just find the next one to date.

[Johnny85]

Is she the same chick that wanted to get laid and got fed up with you because you wouldn't give it to her?

 

Well on our third date, yes, but on our 4th, 5th, and 6th date there was no opportunity to escalate. Should I have pulled down my pants and banged her in her office? That would have been kinda hot actually, but....

 

 

I feel the need to somehow assert myself and show her that it's not OK to play these stupid games with me; either she's interested, or she's not (in an attractive and confident/non-pushy way).

 

I am starting off by breaking a trend and not asking her out this weekend. I would be headed for my grave if I did that. I think she has to come to me.

 

What do you think?

[rightfield]

I just went through almost the exact same situation. 6-7 dates over the course of a month. Our likes and interests were 99% identical. She was a really nice, cool chick.

 

I too was new to dating, and looking back on it, I also think we should have just had sex so we could know for sure.

 

After some of the same thing you were getting, I went dark for a couple of weeks. I had been putting of another girl who had actually approached me, so when I realized what was going on, I started dating her.

 

As things progressed with her over the course of the 2 weeks, I finally sent the first girl a text message. I basically said, "hey, we haven't talked in a while. It seems like maybe you decided to explore other options. I wanted to touch base with you once more before I get too far down the road with this other girl that I'm seeing. I enjoyed the time we spent together and I think you're an awesome lady."

 

She called me. She said that she just wasn't feeling it and didn't want to lead me on. We talked it out and she isn't sure if her recent breakup is still affecting her or if we just don't have the magic. Regardless, we ended the call as friends, and we keep in touch, but I don't ask her out or anything.

 

I suggest leaving her alone, just as the others have suggested. If you she's a quality person, friendzone her like I did. I like mine enough that I might just try to develop her as a wing girl. Good luck!