BLuvv Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Things are just overwhelming me and I feel like nothing good happens anymore. I did go out with a friend last night and had a lot of fun and of course tonight I am crying. I have been seeing the psychiatrist but the meds don't help, I feel I am brain damaged and past the point of fixing. And I talked to the ex. He admitted he is with the other girl. I just can't handle being replaced after trying so hard. He says he is always my friend forever and it hurts. I am not good enough to be a girlfriend. And my family is just falling apart and there is something really bad going on no one will tell me anything. And I feel all on my own. I just don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I can't fix my life. I can't even get out of my depression. How will anyone ever love me?? I feel like giving up.
MrSimple Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I understand your pain, trust me. What I need you to do, is now to calm down and get yourself back in control. I know it is tough now, but do try. Just relax, take a couple of deep breaths and let go of all the emotions. It's okay to cry, you will feel better for sure. Better out than in, as they always say. It's not the end of the world. There will always be a light, no matter how dim it is, but it will be always there. I recommand you go into No Contact with him now. Don't call/text/email/FB msg etc him at all. Use this chance to heal yourself from all the pain. It will be hard in the starting, but it will definitely make you feel alot better. And DON'T ever agree to be friends with him, nobody wants to be reduced to a mere friend after spending so much time beside the person he/she loves. There is no place for you to be in between. Be strong, and never ever give up on yourself!
Author BLuvv Posted November 6, 2011 Author Posted November 6, 2011 I'm just at a loss. Even my psychiatrist is running out of stuff to try. I have been on the meds for almost 15 years now. They don't help, I feel worse than before I ever took them and I can't get off them because the withdrawal is so debilitating. I think I have long term effects and am damaged beyond repair. I don't know how to fix myself. I don't know if it is possible. I feel like these meds are dangerous. If I had known before how I would feel later I would never have taken them. I can't even get off them.
wilsonx Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 You are setting yourself up to fail. Look at your attitude. I can't this, I can't that. Write down all the list of things that you feel you can't do. Then rewrite them as I can do this, I can do that. Your psychiatrist probably is running out of things because you have to help yourself first and foremost. If you do not do anything, you are not going to get anything in return. One of the most basic desires in our lives is the desire to be important. Look at your situation now, you no longer feel important to your ex, you no longer feel important to your family so you are really coming close if not at rock bottom right now. Well you have the opportunity now to get this right. Your mindset is wrong. You need to be important to yourself first and foremost. Forget about your ex, forget about your family, what will it take you for you to realize that you are important to you
D87 Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I think the best thing you can do right now is to be active, work-out, and even better, take on a sport. Join a local basketball or soccer team. That will help a lot, trust me.
DownNotOut Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 wilsonx - that's one of the best pieces of advice I've read on here. Yep - now is the time to look for #1. Reconnect with friends you may have distanced from during your relationship, join a gym - endorphins are powerful for raising your mood - meet new people - I don't know where you live, but you can join clubs, churches, meetup.com, go for a walk each night, take in all that is great about life, find a new hobby/adventure, and when you are ready start dating people again. It will be better - wilsonx is spot on - you need to find the inner strength to heal yourself - all else will follow. Make a list of everything that is great about YOU and post in on your fridge and read it everyday. The little things over time will make a huge improvement and I promise it will get better. We've all hit times like this and they pass with time.
Bobby289 Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 You are setting yourself up to fail. Look at your attitude. I can't this, I can't that. Write down all the list of things that you feel you can't do. Then rewrite them as I can do this, I can do that. Your psychiatrist probably is running out of things because you have to help yourself first and foremost. If you do not do anything, you are not going to get anything in return. Agreed, you can't throw yourself a pity party everyday because nobody will want to attend it everyday. You are having a hard time, understandable, we all do some more extreme than others. You have to think you can overcome these obstacles and not rely on anything(meds) or anyone else but yourself. Most medicines are made to assist you, not change you! Set a goal for your future and work towards that, assume nobody will help you along the way and prove it to yourself you will reach it.
mike588 Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 (edited) Things are just overwhelming me and I feel like nothing good happens anymore. I did go out with a friend last night and had a lot of fun and of course tonight I am crying. I have been seeing the psychiatrist but the meds don't help, I feel I am brain damaged and past the point of fixing. And I talked to the ex. He admitted he is with the other girl. I just can't handle being replaced after trying so hard. He says he is always my friend forever and it hurts. I am not good enough to be a girlfriend. And my family is just falling apart and there is something really bad going on no one will tell me anything. And I feel all on my own. I just don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I can't fix my life. I can't even get out of my depression. How will anyone ever love me?? I feel like giving up. First of all quit talking to your ex. see what happens when you talk to him,,It's not that you were not a good enough g/f it's just that he wasn't the right b/f for you!! I know the pain of knowing your ex. is with someone else,, alot of us do and it hurts like HELL!! Believe me I know!! It's ok to feel the way your feeling, I crashed and burned several times and when I finally hit rock bottom there was no other way but up. You WILL get thru this even at this time when there seems to be no hope,, no light at the end of the tunnel,, but there is light, there is hope, just give it more time. You can and will fix your life,just hang in there and DON'T give up, there is someone out there who will love you more than you can imagine and you will look back on this one day as a learning and growing experience. Keep posting if you feel you need to, don't feel bad, were here to help you 24/7 but you also need to start helping yourself. Edited November 6, 2011 by mike588
Author BLuvv Posted November 6, 2011 Author Posted November 6, 2011 I ended up finally getting a hold of my friend and went to talk to her. I told her I was to the point I just want to hurt myself. She said come over and don't be alone. I am scared because I know this isn't rock bottom and I know I can fall farther and I am coming very close. I know the pain I am in is mostly my fault. But I just don't know how to fix it. I really don't believe it will get better and I don't believe I will find someone. The people around me have more faith in me than I have in myself. I don't know how to find that hope or that belief. I've relapsed into depression so many times. And just the other day someone I trusted went behind my back and did something they knew I didn't want and it affects me. And when I said something I got it thrown back into my face like I was the bad guy for being upset. I just can't win. I mean I get attacked for being hurt and end up being the one apologizing. I really feel like I"m too broken to fix, to messed up to be loved.
Bobby289 Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I ended up finally getting a hold of my friend and went to talk to her. I told her I was to the point I just want to hurt myself. She said come over and don't be alone. I am scared because I know this isn't rock bottom and I know I can fall farther and I am coming very close. I know the pain I am in is mostly my fault. But I just don't know how to fix it. I really don't believe it will get better and I don't believe I will find someone. The people around me have more faith in me than I have in myself. I don't know how to find that hope or that belief. I've relapsed into depression so many times. And just the other day someone I trusted went behind my back and did something they knew I didn't want and it affects me. And when I said something I got it thrown back into my face like I was the bad guy for being upset. I just can't win. I mean I get attacked for being hurt and end up being the one apologizing. I really feel like I"m too broken to fix, to messed up to be loved. STOP! You know what love is, and you know what you deserve. If you think so badly about yourself other people will think the same about you! Re-read all the comments on this thread. It starts with you and you alone. It's hard to find your footing at first, you want to keep giving up with every failure, I know. You need to try, try, and try and eventually something will come along but if you are so negative with your outlook that opening may just pass you by. Nobody can hand you a fix. What do you like to do? (hobbies) please don't say seeing him...
katherinerose Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I may not know you personally but I can tell that you are a genuine person. You want to be with someone who cares for you and you want to care for them. I can see that there are a lot of stressful and overwhelming things happening in your life. Hang in there though. You can start by working on yourself. You want to be in a relationship. Then you want to prepare yourself to be able to be a good person to the person your with. To be able to care for him, and help him through tough times. There are plenty of wonderful guys out there. You will find one you just have to work on yourself until you are ready to pursue a relationship.
wilsonx Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 I will assure you, when you pull through this, you are going to be stronger and more confident then you have ever been in your entire life. Your not going to put up with ****. You are not going to let people use you. You just have to put that effort in to bring yourself out of the hole you are in.
lonelynyc Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 (edited) You need to erase your ex from your life entirely. I know that you think there is some sort of comfort in him remaining on the periphery of your life as a friend, but it's only tearing you up inside. Having him as a friend only serves as a constant reminder that he has moved on with someone else. He is no longer your problem. Someone else will appreciate you, flaws and all. That was one of the biggest hurdles for me, but things have been infinitely better since I removed my ex from my life. Look, I've been there... I have been in and out of depression and intense periods of self-loathing for years. I lost both of my parents to AIDS, my mother a few years ago and my father 2 weeks ago. I'm only 23, but I have experienced enough trauma and loss for a lifetime. My family is almost completely gone. Some days are harder than others, but I'm still here, surviving. I'm not perfect, but I have my humanity and I deserve to love and be loved again, despite it all. You need to remind yourself of that--**** all the adversity, you're still worth it, your life still has value, which the right person will appreciate. Edited November 6, 2011 by lonelynyc
eleanorhurting Posted November 6, 2011 Posted November 6, 2011 Hey! I am so sorry you feel this way. I know how it is I have been there before very recently and it has been so hard to get out of the hole but I think at this point i am more out than in. I still get sad but I no longer feel hopeless. If I am doing it, I am sure you can too! It will be hard but you will do it and you will be way stronger than you are right now. My motivation in all of this has been "well i made some really bad choices and now I have to deal with really crappy consequences but someday my stronger future self will look back at me and she wont even recognize herself". You will get through this!!! Ok let see the first thing you have to do is stop talking to the ex or seeing him in anyway. Block his facebook, block his twitter, block everything. I know this is going to be hard at first but from now on it is all about you! At first I didnt find this very motivational but now it is working better. What do you normally do? work? study? Is there anything you want to do for you? Go back to school? work out more often? Make new friends? reconnect with old friends? At first it might seem forced but then you will start feeling better about it and it will come more naturally. Have you tried seeing a psychologist? It has helped me a whole lot in addition to seeing my psychiatrist. Keep posting here instead of contacting the ex. Everyone relapses and everyone has bad days. I feel sad super often still! But as my psychologist pointed out, my "weak" or "sad" days are now 2 or 3 times a week as opposed to 1 month ago where i would cry and feel helpless and worthless every single day. You have a good heart and you are a genuine and caring human being that deserves to be loved! Think of this as a cocoon. You are going through a hard time but you will emerge a beautiful butterfly!
Author BLuvv Posted November 8, 2011 Author Posted November 8, 2011 Thanks to everyone who wrote. I haven't had even the energy to post. I can't stop thinking of how I was replaced and obsessing over the fact that he is with this girl now. It makes me feel sick and wretched every moment. I was walking very close to the edge even when I am doing good, and I just gravitate to the black hole of depression. I feel like I need more help than just the psychiatrist, I don't believe the meds are working. Yet my family gets mad at me if I even suggest trying to quit them. I need to find some sort of counseler. I did delete all his friends from my facebook friends and blocked him. He knew i had seen the pics of him n that chick bc apparently when i was on my phone i must have clicked like. Fml...stupid touch screen phones. I deleted his texts. I haven't been able to delete his number, although unfortunately I know it by heart. My friend made me promise to text or call her if I was thinking of contacting him. I told her I would. I need to stop doing self-destructive things. I go find these pictures and it rips me apart. I loathe myself a little more each time I do it. I don't know if I am addicted to the pain or what. I really don't know.
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