Mjfru Posted May 21, 2004 Posted May 21, 2004 What do I do? Ok so me and my gf were going out for 2 years and 7 months. We just separated two nights ago. I am really, really, unhappy because I love her so much and I put so much into our relationship. Ok so this is what happened. I went over to her house two nights ago to talk about the future of our relationship because the truth is all we did was fight for like the last couple of months due to the fact that we have both been extremely stressed out and we couldn't see each other. So to make the long story short we both agreed to separate, but have the chance to get back together at some point over the summer. Now of coarse this hurts me alot, because I really love this girl to death. My sister said that I was too dependent on her and that I need to get over her. My sister and my ex are pretty good friends, and she told me that she thinks that my ex just really wants to be single again and doesn't want to be tied down. My ex gave me different vibes though because she still wants the chance to get back with me. Anyway, I felt that doing this would really just be like taking a long break from each other rather than this being a "break up". But she said that this is an actual break up because if it is an actual break up there is a chance we won't get back together. She also said that it would have more of an affect on us both if it is an actual break up rather than just a break. This really confused me and made me think that this was just a break but she is trying to make the effect of the break greater, by saying that we are breaking up. (sigh) I brought this up to her that "why don't we just take a really long break", but all she said was that our breaks never work. We have taken two breaks from each other before, one worked wonderfully (first one), second one resulted in chaos (second one, during our fighting and stressed out period). The reason for this is a long story, but she ended up making out with someone during it although I said she could but it hurt me and us. Anyway that isn't the point. She stated that the second one sucked so we shouldn't take a break. So she wanted a break up but the possibility of getting back together, she also wanted to remain friends. So this puts me in a very weird situation. Some of my friends have said that she still cares about me if she wants the chance to get back with and if she still loves me. They think that maybe she just needs time to see what it is like to be single and not tied down. My personal opinion is that I think that this is going to be a long hurtful time, but we will come back to each other over the summer with the hope that the fighting will stop. I think she is doing this in order to date around with other guys to see if I really am in a sense "the one" or just a really wonderful guy, and to see how much she really loves me and to cure the fights. I have thought up of some solutions to this situation: 1. I totally forget about my ex and just move on with life (this one is very harsh though because I really, really, love her and I feel that we have something really special) 2. I don't call her or anything until around half-way into the summer and expressing my feelings that I still have for her and I try to get back together with her. 3. I call her a lot (which we agreed would be alright because we are friends now) and try to be a good friend to her, until about half-way into the summer and tell her how I feel and that I still love her. This one would work out well because I have a feeling that another one of her reasons for doing this is that she wants to see how it would be if her and I were just friends. 4. I wait until June 12th to call her. This is my birthday and she said that she wanted to hang out with me then. This also shows me that she still really cares about me and that she possibly wants to get back together with me. But here's this thing. I try telling her that I love her and we really belong together and that we should get back together on my birthday. 5. I try to get a new gf, but no one serious, just someone that I can have fun with and still be in love with my ex at the same time. This way I can get my mind off of my ex and that way when it comes time to try to get back with my ex, at least I have dated around a little instead of sitting there worried about my ex and who she is dating. 6. I call her and tell her that we have both agreed on a big mistake. We shouldn't have split up because we can really work this out and make it. Due to the fact that now we will be able to see each other all of the time (if we were together) over the summer, than this would give us a lot of time together to stop fighting and really in a sense fall back in love with each other. The only problem with this one is that she said that she is giving up hope that we will stop fighting, because we have tried to stop so many times before but the stress kept coming back for both of us. These are all of the solutions I can think of, but there may be more. She said that when and if we try to get back together, we should take everything really slow and just date first then talk about really getting back together. I think that she is just worried that we are always going to fight with each other and we never will match up. But she is wrong. We were fighting for a few months and we were both stressed out during those months, but before that we were a close to perfect couple. Oh well. . . Yesterday was Hell for me, being that it was the day after we broke up, so I would've went with solution number 6. But today I am feeling a little better after talking with a lot of my friends about it and now I think numbers 3, 4, and 5 sound good lol! See what I mean. I can't decide. Someone please give me input on this situation. This is literally the girl of my dreams and I don't want to lose her for good.
Reality Check Posted May 21, 2004 Posted May 21, 2004 What can I tell you? But can I ask you a question.... where is your backbone? where is your manly instinct to go and conquer? where is your ablility to make reasonable decisions gone? Why do you ask for help and than offer yourself solutions.......? Your relationship is over! Her interest level is down at the ground, where you ego is following shortly! Here's a solution.... walk away. Walk away and do not look back.... be like a good, brave cowboy and ride into the sunset. Don't make this harder on yourself.... I am sure you can get another GF.... a better one. Do not give her the time of day......... trust me, she is probably keen on someone else and keeping you on the side... like a salad. Here's the thing... you are not a salad but a main course meal. SORRY for the lamentable methaphors but the truth is the truth.... would you really take her back, if the case be that she is keen on someone else... and that didn't work for her? If you answer yes to this.... you my friend are a lollipop..... aka sucker. Now... if you do not lose control, act like man.... and ride away and demonstrate your independence and lack of concern for her motives, emotions and actions..... she will be like pudding in your hands. Why? She will be baffled...... we guys are our own worst enemy at the hour of a break up..... we revert to our teenage years... even lower to grade school age.... No my friends.... let's get it straight.
tx_ex Posted May 21, 2004 Posted May 21, 2004 Try to give it some time -- that's what I'm doing. She wanted me to call her when I got back from my trip home, so I did. Then she wanted me to call when I got my acceptance letter and another call when I decided what to do. We both realize what she's doing...but that doesn't change anything. I'm pretty sure if she wants me to wait until she decides on us (well, shes just hoping I'm there when it's over) she can wait to find out what I decide on for other things in my life. I think the same holds for you. It's hard as hell, but try to give it some time without contact. It's been somewhat helpful for me, especially because it was so recent. I go through different patterns of thought each day -- so I would rather sort out my emotions and talk to her later. Try not to limit yourself with options though. You'll find that you will probably mix a lot of the things from each of those solutions in the end. Try to focus on yourself right now. I did a lot of things in my life because of my girlfriend and now I'm having to readjust. I try to set myself a goal of getting a number (even just for a new friend) or making a friend on some days. Don't jump into the dating game just to get her off your mind. I've done the same before -- those people have feelings too. Like I said, think about yourself right now.
Author Mjfru Posted May 21, 2004 Author Posted May 21, 2004 I'm a little unsure still. I mean I want to be happy with her. I want her in my life again as my girl, but I know that just isn't possible right now and may never be possible. I feel that maybe I should try dating around to see what else is out there though. I know that is probably what she is doing so I want to do it too. I may find someone better . . . or I may find out that she is everything I need and I don't need anyone else. I will definetaly give it time though and maybe I will call her but just as friends. Actually I don't know, should I even talk to her just as friends or should I wait to even talk to her. I mean I would love to be friends with her but . . . it may make more of an impact if we don't talk as friends. I guess I am really worried that she will be completely over me by the time I ask her out again and she won't want to get back together. Before we broke up she told me that I should have hope though, and that she will have hope for us in the future as well. But when I told her that I felt that she will never come back she said I should still keep some hope because her and I have had a wonderful past together and there is a chance we can really be together again. I was just talking to one of my friends and she suggested that I focus on keeping myself happy as well. She also said that I should try dating around and see what else is out there. She said that by the time my ex and I try to get back together, I need to learn to be happy with myself rather than just being happy when I am with her. She also said that by that time I may have another girl and I may not need my ex anymore. But I am just so in love with my ex that I think that I will want her back in a heart beat. Oh well. Time will tell. Thanks again tx for your posts, but it would be great to get more opinions so please give me more posts. Thanks. I will definetaly appreciate them.
Author Mjfru Posted May 24, 2004 Author Posted May 24, 2004 Yeah we talked on two occasions now. My ex and I are both going through the hurt. She said that she has been flirting a little bit, but I have to try to not mind, she isn't my girl after all. Last night I talked to her and I believe I made a mistake though. I tried to ask her to come back to me . . . I know that was stupid but I felt like I needed her last night. I really regret it now, as it led to another argument between us. I just really love her and want to be with her, but she is right. If we were together now all we would do is fight, it hasn't been long enough to change anything. I'll have to wait the majority of the summer before my "chance" of getting back together happens. She did tell me last night that the "chance" is leaning towards a "yes" though, not really leaning, but a little bit. That's good. We really just need this space and time to see whether or not we are right for each other. I feel bad about the fighting last night, and I really want to apologize to her for it. She says she still loves me and there is a big chance that our love will still be around by the end of the summer. I hope so. Well for now I may go out with a different girl who isn't as attractive as my ex, although she is still attractive, but she and I will definetaly have a good time together because we have a lot in common. She has had a crush on me ever since me and my ex began going out, like 3 years ago! I'll give her a shot. In the mean time, my ex and I will just remain close friends and hopefully something more in the future . . . time will tell.
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