SoccerPlaya Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Hey guys, I've pretty much accepted the following situation as a lost cause, but I really need to share my frustration. My neighbor and I have had this sort of fun, flirty thing going on for awhile now but nothing had come of it. A couple weeks ago he suggested getting drinks later in the week (and I clearly said yes), but he never followed up on it. I sort of lost hope after that. Then on Halloween he tried coordinating a meet up - we had never hung out together while out drinking so I was curious how this would affect things. Sadly it was craziness out and we couldn't get our two (intoxicated) groups of friends to the same bar so finally I put my phone away and enjoyed the night with friends. I get home and get a text from him suggesting a late night walk with our dogs. We go out and stroll around until 4AM in the morning. He even texted me after I got back. Those butterflies started to come back....trouble. The next week I text him to see if he wants to come to a BBQ that my friends and I were hosting at my place. No response. Two days later (today) I get "Sorry I couldn't make it. Had a lot of things going on recently and now I'm off to _____ for the evening" So disappointing.
jobaba Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 (edited) I dunno. If I were the guy in question, it might be that I was really busy. I might not REALLY be into you per se, but that doesn't mean I couldn't be persuaded (and quickly at that). He might think you're cute but don't see relationship potential, or that you are not so great looking but cool. Either way, guys can definitely be persuaded more than women. The problem is women tend to get these gaga feelings over the really good looking guys. Those guys probably can't be persuaded so much. But even them, they can be. Anyway, examine the number of options the guy has, and figure if it's worth it pursue. Real life example: Girl I work with about this co-worker, "Ohhhh... he's so cute. If he went for me, I'd be so over it." Guy when I told him about that, "Hmmm. Maybe. I'll definitely think about it." This guy was really good looking too. Edited November 5, 2011 by jobaba
dasein Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 It's only a lost cause in terms of your level of emotional investment at the moment, which I would suggest is too high. Have you explored ways to tone it down some? Meet others? Get out and away from your house more frequently so the likelihood of running into the neighbor is less?
Fondue Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Maybe he's a wimp. Regarding your BBQ invitation there is NO way a guy who texts immediately after you were out with the dogs is SO BUSY that he has no time to say he's busy. I mean..come on, it takes 10 seconds to call someone and say "Hi Lisa, I cant make it, I'm busy as **** lately. I'll be there next time, anyway have a nice bbq!" He seems like a man who does not know what he wants. Anyways, I suggest reducing your investment and wait for him to invest. Tom Or, you know, he isn't with his phone all the time. Many people are actually not attached to their phone as others like them to be. For example, during the work week, I never check my phone. I'm just too busy. I have my work phone going off throughout the day and I am seeing patients all day. I simply forget my personal phone even exists. Additionally, on the weekends, unless I am awaiting particular correspondence or I have to get in contact with someone, I don't have my phone with me. I don't sleep with it, I don't watch tv with it, etc. If I'm out, I put it on silent. He may have genuinely not seen your text, that's my point. I hate it when people jump to conclusions and assume if "they didn't text me back in x amount of time, means they're scum."
Author SoccerPlaya Posted November 5, 2011 Author Posted November 5, 2011 Thanks everyone. Just to preface, I wasn't particularly mad that the fact that he didn't text back. It was more about this ongoing trend of him being halfway interested. I agree, I think I have become too emotionally involved.
Author SoccerPlaya Posted November 5, 2011 Author Posted November 5, 2011 It's only a lost cause in terms of your level of emotional investment at the moment, which I would suggest is too high. Have you explored ways to tone it down some? Meet others? Get out and away from your house more frequently so the likelihood of running into the neighbor is less? When I re-read this, I realized that you hit the nail right on the head. I've been in relationships where I've been under-invested and over-invested...and I've got to say over-investing NEVER ends well. I do have a network of other friends, but not running into him will be tricky. Just act short and polite when I do? Is that rude?
Author SoccerPlaya Posted November 5, 2011 Author Posted November 5, 2011 Not at all! It shows him that you are not dependent. It's his turn now to invest or leave it as it is. And please dont be overly euphoric when he invests a little. Tom So, if he texts me...I shouldn't start planning the wedding? But seriously, it is his turn.
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