sadmomma4 Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 So my bf and I have been together for over 2 yrs. We have had our problems and even took a break from eachother. He does push me around and pulls my hair. He has slapped me a couple of times. He tells me he is not being abusive because he doesn't punch me. Anyways, his excuse for putting his hands on me is because I don't listen. He has gotten alot better now and we have even gotten passed all that. But now he only wants to see me on Saturdays and never makes time for me. He has been very secretive and hides his phone from me. He wont even except my friend request on Facebook. I listen to him about his day and he will ask about my day, but as soon as I go to tell him about my day he always lets me go. He tells me he is at a job, or at the store. When he does call back we talk about him again. So I'm assuming that I should take all these signs as he is not into me anymore right? I guess I stay because I already had a failed marriage and now this. I have gotten to the point where all men act like this because every man I have been with have acted the same way.
ja123 Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 LEave him!!! Don't contact him again!!!! Do not allow him to contact you!!!! This is abuse!!! Work on yourself and your self-esteem. Read Susan Forward's Emotional Blackmail. Google the "cycle of abuse", and "codependency"
Author sadmomma4 Posted November 5, 2011 Author Posted November 5, 2011 I also wanted to add that my bf says he is not abusive because he doesn't punch me and I have gotten to the point where I believe that. I figure he isn't punching me, and he says he hurts me because I am mean and I don't listen. My problem is how secretive he is, and how mean he is.
Kamille Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 I also wanted to add that my bf says he is not abusive because he doesn't punch me and I have gotten to the point where I believe that. I figure he isn't punching me, and he says he hurts me because I am mean and I don't listen. My problem is how secretive he is, and how mean he is. So, he's being mean and doesn't listen to your needs for my time together. By his - and now your - logic, would that mean you're allowed to slap him? If you don't feel it's right to slap him... Why not? Hopefully it's for a moral reason: it isn't right to hurt people, no matter how mean or uncommunicative we may perceive them to be. Second questions: is this relationship making you happy? Does it meet your needs? If not, how long has it been making you unhappy and what makes you think it could change in the future?
ja123 Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 I was in 2 relationships that were abusive. The first one was physical. The second one was emotional. One of the main arguments that the emotionally abusive man used on me was that he doesn't hit me, doesn't run around on me, doesn't take drugs, etc.; therefore what have I to complain about. And I bought into his argument thinking that I must be the one who is crazy for feeling unhappy because he is a good man, afterall, he just told me so. The emotionally abusive man landed me in a woman's shelter and I almost lost my mind. It takes a long time to rebuild yourself after that. I am writing to warn you. He will never change - and it's not your job to change him. Get away from him and start working on yourself now. This is another site that you can check out. Also check out Melody Beattie's 12 Steps for Codependents. http://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/
ShannonMI Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 So my bf and I have been together for over 2 yrs. We have had our problems and even took a break from eachother. He does push me around and pulls my hair. He has slapped me a couple of times. He tells me he is not being abusive because he doesn't punch me. Anyways, his excuse for putting his hands on me is because I don't listen. He has gotten alot better now and we have even gotten passed all that. But now he only wants to see me on Saturdays and never makes time for me. He has been very secretive and hides his phone from me. He wont even except my friend request on Facebook. I listen to him about his day and he will ask about my day, but as soon as I go to tell him about my day he always lets me go. He tells me he is at a job, or at the store. When he does call back we talk about him again. So I'm assuming that I should take all these signs as he is not into me anymore right? I guess I stay because I already had a failed marriage and now this. I have gotten to the point where all men act like this because every man I have been with have acted the same way. Wow another thread about an abusive prick and how the woman finds a way to justify it. Sad, sad. Yeah he's interested in someone else. Think of it as a blessing in disguise and lose this guy. FYI: slapping, hair pulling and pushing you around = ABUSE!! Did your father abuse you or your mother? Is this why you go for this type of man? Time to break the cycle. You might want to seek therapy.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 You KNOW that none of his behavior is acceptable. If you didn't know this, you would not tell us about these things. He probably is not "into you" but it's unlikely that it has anything to do with you. He sounds like a guy who doesn't have anything to offer to you in a relationship. I do understand what it's like to feel so down about yourself that you can't even see that you deserve a lot better than this - and that NO BOYFRIEND AT ALL FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE is truly better than this. I hope YOU can see that you need to walk away from this abusive and neglectful relationship on your own two feet, regardless of whether he has found someone else or not. You can call a women's shelter and find out about support groups that can help you get to that place. If you have a kid or kids (from your screen name, I think you might), think about what you are teaching them about what relationships are like, and what is acceptable, by remaining in this one. Please try to love yourself and care for yourself.
Author sadmomma4 Posted November 5, 2011 Author Posted November 5, 2011 Thank you all for your advice. I'm gonna try and answer everyone's questions. My parents divorced when I was just a baby but according to my mom my dad never abused her. My stepfather was really mean to me and would call me names but never put his hands on any of us. Before I got married I had a bf that was emotionally abusive to me and would threaten to hit me but never did. My ex husband was abusive. He would call me names and throw things at me. Now this bf has actually pushed, shoved, and once he punched me in the back of the head. He even raped me one time. So my last three relationships have been bad. That's why I say all men are like that. I'm suppose to see my bf tonight but he has already started 3 fights with me so far. Even when he puts his hands on me I have not hit him back or anything. I guess writing this has made me realize that he isn't such a great Guy.
Kamille Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 I have been in 3 long term relationships. While one of them was borderline on the emotional abuse side, I can guarantee there are good men out there, who won't abuse you. The sooner you refuse to put up with poor behavior, the sooner you will meet with a guy who can provide a good relationship.
ShannonMI Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Thank you all for your advice. I'm gonna try and answer everyone's questions. My parents divorced when I was just a baby but according to my mom my dad never abused her. My stepfather was really mean to me and would call me names but never put his hands on any of us. Before I got married I had a bf that was emotionally abusive to me and would threaten to hit me but never did. My ex husband was abusive. He would call me names and throw things at me. Now this bf has actually pushed, shoved, and once he punched me in the back of the head. He even raped me one time. So my last three relationships have been bad. That's why I say all men are like that. I'm suppose to see my bf tonight but he has already started 3 fights with me so far. Even when he puts his hands on me I have not hit him back or anything. I guess writing this has made me realize that he isn't such a great Guy. He raped you too? OMG leave him!!! And to break the cycle you may need to go to counseling. I feel for you because you've only been with these bastards and you know no different. There are better men out there. Believe me.
ffw Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 OP, check this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t305188/ Its about another girl who is in an abusive relationship but still justifies it. You will have a much better idea since you will be seeing as a third person point of view.
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