williesarus Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 (edited) Hi there! Me and my bf broke up for 2months and right now we got back together. but he's not the same as before. he doesnt give in, he doesnt understand, he doesnt listen. he is still nice but now.. if i feel insecure or sad over some stuffs, he wont take the initiative to make me feel better. He used to be really nice, when i'm angry he would spam me with phonecalls, and he would be sad if i didn't end the night with the I love you text. but now he doesnt ask for it. he doesnt even want to talk on the phone at night. i asked him about it, he said previously he felt really tied up. he doesnt have his own space. but right now i gave him what he wants, space. but he doesnt talk to me like how he used to. he's different. he said it's for us to last longer, giving more chance for us to miss each other, and stuffs. but idk if he means it... Edited November 5, 2011 by williesarus
norajane Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 It's unhealthy to be so close that someone feels like they can't breathe (or feels tied up). Not everyone wants to be joined at the hip, or constantly catering to their partner's every need or whim. Why do you need him so much? Why do you need him to always make you feel better? Don't you feel good about yourself? Don't you have other things in your life that matter to you besides him?
Kamille Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 if i feel insecure or sad over some stuffs, he wont take the initiative to make me feel better. He used to be really nice, when i'm angry he would spam me with phonecalls, and he would be sad if i didn't end the night with the I love you text. but now he doesnt ask for it. he doesnt even want to talk on the phone at night. I think he's choosing not to respond to what could be construed as negative emotional manipulation. When, in the past, you were in need of reassurance (for whatever reason), you would resort to a negative action (not saying ILY, getting angry, etc). In the past, he would respond - and you would feel reassured. You got something (reassurance) but he might have started feeling drained or like he was responsible for your well-being. Now he's choosing to respond differently. He isn't responding to what worked in the past. But he is telling you, in another way, that this is so it will work in the long run. In a sense, he's trying to carve out a space for himself here. Do you trust him enough to let him take the lead of the relationship? Who knows, maybe he is right and it will improve your relationship and make it stronger in the long run! My suggestion would therefore be this: are there some positive ways to get reassurance from him that have worked in the past? (Doing something nice for him, working on a project together, etc.)
Author williesarus Posted November 15, 2011 Author Posted November 15, 2011 thank u guys so much for your advices. but he's still not the same to me. he was busy with some events 2 days ago so he didnt talk to me for the whole 2 days but did send me goodnight texts before he sleeps. and now he is finally free from work but he doesnt take the initiative to talk to me asking about my day or stuffs. with the fact that he is leaving to another country in the next 10 days. he doesnt wanna spend time with me. so i told him about it and he got angry and say that i'm irritating him. but i just wanna talk more to him before he leaves for another 10 days... we are meeting tomorrow before he leaves. i asked him out. he said "just meet u for a short while because i've yet to pack my luggage and there isnt any movie to watch as well." .... felt so left out how?
ChelseaLS Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 thank u guys so much for your advices. but he's still not the same to me. he was busy with some events 2 days ago so he didnt talk to me for the whole 2 days but did send me goodnight texts before he sleeps. and now he is finally free from work but he doesnt take the initiative to talk to me asking about my day or stuffs. with the fact that he is leaving to another country in the next 10 days. he doesnt wanna spend time with me. so i told him about it and he got angry and say that i'm irritating him. but i just wanna talk more to him before he leaves for another 10 days... we are meeting tomorrow before he leaves. i asked him out. he said "just meet u for a short while because i've yet to pack my luggage and there isnt any movie to watch as well." .... felt so left out how? What the others wrote is correct. If you give all your time and energy just to the relationship and none to yourself you smother it and kill the any embers that were there. I suggest that you start to pull back... not leave him or what not, but start being busy with your own thing... friends, family, the gym, nights out with the girls. Don't be readily available (as he is doing). This will show him that you don't need him to be there all the time (that you're good with doing your own thing... you don't depend on him) and it will let the relationship breath. When you reconcile with someone after a break up, it will never be the same as it was before and this is a good thing. Otherwise you will fall into the same rut with the same problems as before and eventually end again.
nu464 Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 I think you should do it face to face but i just wanna know whats wrong with telling him/her you like them in a text message?
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