Eclypse Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 That's pretty depressing. Are you sure women don't get more desperate at like 35 and will basically throw themselves at you? That's kind of what I've been pegging my own hopes on... I wasn't saying all women get desperate at 35. I was thinking about those "stage 5 clinger" types that talk about marriage on the first date that men always complain about. I was thinking maybe those types would be interested in me when I get to be 35. I just got to find somewhere/somehow to chill out until then. Why wait this long? Why waste 10 or 12 years of your life waiting for this? I just don't get it. Moreover, why would you even want to date someone who sounds so unappealing personality wise? I mean, how would you feel knowing she's only dating you because you're the only one who will say yes (after all the other guys called her out on her craziness). I know your problems. You and SD. And the worst thing you can do for yourselves is to give up and settle. That won't bring you happiness. It will just make you sad, and moreso will be unfair to this "stage 5" woman, unless of course that is the demographic you actually want to date?
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Why wait this long? Why waste 10 or 12 years of your life waiting for this? I just don't get it. Moreover, why would you even want to date someone who sounds so unappealing personality wise? I mean, how would you feel knowing she's only dating you because you're the only one who will say yes (after all the other guys called her out on her craziness). I know your problems. You and SD. And the worst thing you can do for yourselves is to give up and settle. That won't bring you happiness. It will just make you sad, and moreso will be unfair to this "stage 5" woman, unless of course that is the demographic you actually want to date? Hopefully, if I wait that long maybe women will finally be interested in me. We had a thread a week or so ago about men not being interested in women their own age when they're in their 30s or whatever. I figure if I'm 35 and all the other 35 year old men are either married or dating younger women, then I'll be able to corner the market on women my own age and have little to no competition. I wouldn't care if she was only dating me because I was the only one who would say yes (hell, I probably wouldn't even care if she was cheating on me either) because it surely beats the alternative. I'm sure most stage 5 clingers would be happy with this arrangement too.
betterdeal Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 If I was being an utter rogue, I'd clock her sat there, put a spring in my step and walk briskly by, but just as I passed (lost in my thoughts) I'd do a double take, stop in my tracks, turn the corners of my lips, widen my eyes, flare my nostrils, pause, then ask her I could join her with just enough body language screaming "I'd rip off your clothes right now and shag you senseless, but I have manners." and an innocent face soaking up the utter pristine beauty that is her. If she says "no, piss off", I'd give a faux shocked face and be on my way. If she ways "yes, sure", I'd join her and ask her if she thinks mini elephants would be an ideal pet If she laughs, I'd laugh too.
Author somedude81 Posted November 5, 2011 Author Posted November 5, 2011 I have a bit of a quarrel with the scenario, since women almost never do anything by themselves, especially sit alone on a bench, but I'll play along. 99/100 times I would smile and walk on. A woman sitting on a bench in a mall is waiting for someone. A woman sitting alone on a park bench or some isolated setting is in a vulnerable situation, and approaching her will almost always be perceived as creepy or threatening. And if she's sitting on a bench in a busy park, ten other guys will probably have already stopped and talked to her. If she's reading or wearing headphones, those are the universal signals for "Do NOT talk to me, a**hole!" I would never, never, never go up to a woman in on a bench and say, "Hi, I'm ___. I noticed you and wanted to talk to you." That might work in a bar where women are going with the intention of being hit on, but in a park or coffee shop or mall it's a gross invasion of their privacy and will set off red warning lights that say "Creepy stalker dude!!!" The secret of the cold approach is that it's never really cold. You're in some sort of environment where things are going on that you can talk about. So if she's sitting in some scenic spot, I might pause and make some witty comment about what she's looking at. I'm simply trying to show her that I am completely non-threatening and that I am both brilliant and funny. (Of course, if you're not brilliant and funny that can be a big problem.). I'm not trying to "score" or get her phone number, I'm simply trying to be memorable. For women, these stories almost always turn into "Gawd, I can't go anywhere without creepy losers hitting on me!" I want her to think, "He's funny. And kinda cute. Why don't guys like that ever ask me out?" Unless you're incredibly handsome (or she's incredibly naive), you're not going to get a date or a phone number in this scenario. Your goal is to chat with her for two minutes and be funny and charming enough for her to remember you. Then the NEXT time you see her, you do the same. And again. After you've run into each other a few times, then you can suggest a planned meeting. I appreciate all the responses but this seems the most realistic. Cold approaches just seem like they have no chance of working unless you're super smooth or really good looking.
Wolf18 Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Yeah but EasyHeart's approach is riding on the idea that you will see the girl you make that impression on again. Where I live, I rarely see women more than once in my life if i don't get their phone number .
Nexus One Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 (edited) Look, it's perfectly understandable that in situations like these a woman might feel startled, lost for words or even scared because she doesn't trust the situation. As a guy you have to try to recognize that, keep a comfortable distance and try not to come across as creepy and have a positive and a somewhat enthusiastic demeanor. Like I said, in that case you could say for example: "I'll tell you what, I'll give you my card and if you change your mind, then give me a call or e-mail me and we'll take it from there. Hey have a nice day." *smile* If she's single and looking for a relationship, then she might just give you a call after having given it some thought and after having talked it over with her female friends. Edited November 5, 2011 by Nexus One
Fondue Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 If I saw an attractive woman sitting on a bench, I would likely walk by casually and see if she raises her head to look at me, at which point I would smile. If she smiles back and holds it for a second, then I may consider that as a sign of friendliness. This is NYC, btw. Not many people go out of their way to flash a smile. So I would say something like, "wow, not too many people smile these days. You're a warm person, huh?" This may or may not begin a conversation. I would go from there.
Cracker Jack Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 I'd likely smile at her and say hi if there's eye contact. If I had balls, I'd ask her if we went to the same high school, or something odd like that to try and get the convo flowing, maybe. But yeah, it would be quite difficult to just approach a woman in this scenario, unless you truly have balls of steel. I know people say "go for what you want", but making a cold approach (I made one, but didn't follow through because of fear) is one of the hardest things to do. If you're like me, you can even feel yourself begin to shiver as you prepare to make the approach. Some guys are really good at this, but many are not.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Once I was sitting alone on a secluded bench in a park. A guy walked past, checked me out, went around a bend and then returned and passed again … this time WITH HIS WIENER poking out, and leering at me. This is not a suggestion, guys.
oaks Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Once I was sitting alone on a secluded bench in a park. A guy walked past, checked me out, went around a bend and then returned and passed again … this time WITH HIS WIENER poking out, and leering at me. Wow! Did you laugh or scream?
Cypress25 Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Somedude. I have a great tip for you. This will greatly increase your odds of success with the cold approach. Get a dog. Walk him everywhere. Walk him past the girl sitting on the bench. She'll want to pet him, and this will give you an excuse to stop and talk to her. Of course there's always the possibility that she doesn't like dogs or is allergic to them, but that's rare. Most women can't resist a guy with a cute dog.
Nexus One Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Somedude. I have a great tip for you. This will greatly increase your odds of success with the cold approach. Get a dog. Walk him everywhere. Walk him past the girl sitting on the bench. She'll want to pet him, and this will give you an excuse to stop and talk to her. Of course there's always the possibility that she doesn't like dogs or is allergic to them, but that's rare. Most women can't resist a guy with a cute dog. Great advice.
dasein Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Yeah... That might work in a small town/the suburbs but as someone from a big city, I'd think it was a set up for a robbery. Even after the guy laughed and said he was just joking, I'd still be on guard for the rest of that interaction. It's designed specifically for big cities, people in small towns won't get the joke. You don't do it at night or in isolated areas... ever, never on a subway platform for instance. Good for the park on weekends but anywhere in public areas during daylight. You also have to be fairly well dressed (no army jackets and doc martins), stand back from them as opposed to get up in their space, keep your hands visible and do it with a sly smirk on your face that broadens into a broad smile. I doubt this would work for mohawked folks with mutiple piercings, but also doubt many of those are posting here on LS. People are innately wired to respond to requests for help no matter how absurd, and ironically, it endears, even obligates them to the person asking for assistance. It's why street beggars don't starve outright. This is why the PUAs often open with "hey can you help me out with something? my friend says x, but I think y" People love to help, male female young old. So whether you are asking for $100 or looking puzzled like you need help figuring something out, asking for help is a very solid technique compared to other approaches.
brokendreamz Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 I'd flash her... She'd probably flash back, then we'd go have a nice cup of tea. Later that day I'd find out she's really a he and we'd shake hands and go our separate ways. Ok. It's bonfire night and I'm a little whipsy... Carry on!
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Quote: Originally Posted by Mme. Chaucer Once I was sitting alone on a secluded bench in a park. A guy walked past, checked me out, went around a bend and then returned and passed again … this time WITH HIS WIENER poking out, and leering at me. Wow! Did you laugh or scream? I squinted at it and said, "you know, that looks a lot like a penis, only smaller." I think I ruined his fun. Not really. I wish I would have said that. In fact, I was horrified and pretended like I hadn't noticed; fortunately I had a book open on my lap that I could focus on.
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