PhillyDude Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 "Do you want to live in your local city all your life?" Where the hell do these questions come from?-lol Why have a discussion like that when you both are in the same area and you are just meeting?
phineas Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 She's looking for someone to wife her up & not going to invest in a guy who plans on moving or not invest in a guy who wants to remain local while she wants to move away.
Author PhillyDude Posted November 5, 2011 Author Posted November 5, 2011 She's looking for someone to wife her up & not going to invest in a guy who plans on moving or not invest in a guy who wants to remain local while she wants to move away. And it's too early for that type of discussion
ZachNormand Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 I also agree with phineas that in her mind she wants something serious. Maybe you find that it's too early for this type of discussion, but not her.
MizHoney2U Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 And it's too early for that type of discussion IMO, it's never too early to discuss something that you feel is important if you are looking for LTR, why waste anyone's time with preliminaries?... It's like shoe shopping, what will it take for you to leave the store with that shoe? Depending on the occasion, it could take hours to find that right shoe, but if it,s nothing special or serious just about any one will do. Just Say'n...
ChessPieceFace Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Or maybe she hates it there, and is looking for bus fare to another city LOL.
oaks Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 "Do you want to live in your local city all your life?" Great question! Why does it make you uncomfortable?
Author PhillyDude Posted November 5, 2011 Author Posted November 5, 2011 Great question! Why does it make you uncomfortable? Because I need to be employed atleast 4 years in a row to even think about relocating. I been stuck in my apartment for years because of so many layoffs since 2005. If I can get seven straight years of employment like I had from e 1998 to 2005, then I can think about relocating. I mean I fantasize about living in certain parts of south jersey but never really thought about moving to somewhere across the country
oaks Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Because I need to be employed atleast 4 years in a row to even think about relocating. I been stuck in my apartment for years because of so many layoffs since 2005. If I can get seven straight years of employment like I had from e 1998 to 2005, then I can think about relocating. I mean I fantasize about living in certain parts of south jersey but never really thought about moving to somewhere across the country Fair enough, but the question is about what you want to do, and isn't limited to just the next 4 or 7 years, so although your current employment situation means you can't move right now that doesn't stop you from expressing a desire to live somewhere different (if that's what you want to do). Anyway, the answer you just gave sounded like you've given it some thought, which might be exactly what your date is looking for (rather than you saying "I dunno" and taking another sip of beer or saying "I can't possibly move more than 2 blocks away from my momma").
westrock Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Because I need to be employed atleast 4 years in a row to even think about relocating. I been stuck in my apartment for years because of so many layoffs since 2005. If I can get seven straight years of employment like I had from e 1998 to 2005, then I can think about relocating. I mean I fantasize about living in certain parts of south jersey but never really thought about moving to somewhere across the country Ok, so all you need to do is just answer her question. Say something like "I like it here, but I'm open to moving down the road to some parts in south Jersey depending on my employment situation. I first need about seven straight years of employment, but with the economy and how things are going, I have to stay here for now. What about you?" No one can criticize you for that and if she does then you don't want to be with her.
Author PhillyDude Posted November 5, 2011 Author Posted November 5, 2011 Ok, so all you need to do is just answer her question. Say something like "I like it here, but I'm open to moving down the road to some parts in south Jersey depending on my employment situation. I first need about seven straight years of employment, but with the economy and how things are going, I have to stay here for now. What about you?" No one can criticize you for that and if she does then you don't want to be with her. women in philly put the J in judgmental.
westrock Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 women in philly put the J in judgmental. If that's what you want to believe. But then you must recognize that you are also being judgmental of her asking you this question.
xxoo Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 women in philly put the J in judgmental. So weird--if she is in Philly, why is she judging you for being in Philly???! Philly is an awesome city. There is nothing wrong with saying you LOVE Philly, and want to stay in the area, if that is the case. There is also nothing wrong with saying you dream of moving one day, but the timing isn't right now. Really, I think you need to relax a bit, and stop reading so much into friendly conversation. I don't know your situation, but a lot of people move to find jobs. Have you tried applying for jobs out of the area?
norajane Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Because I need to be employed atleast 4 years in a row to even think about relocating. I been stuck in my apartment for years because of so many layoffs since 2005. If I can get seven straight years of employment like I had from e 1998 to 2005, then I can think about relocating. I mean I fantasize about living in certain parts of south jersey but never really thought about moving to somewhere across the country I'm not sure I understand why the question makes you uncomfortable. What you wrote is the answer to the question, and there's no reason you should be uncomfortable about saying that. I've asked the question on dates in the past. It's one way to see if the guy has any dreams for his life, things he'd like to do...that's fun date talk. I'd probably follow up that question with "what do you like about south jersey?" and then you could talk about whatever it is that attracts you to it, any fun memories you have of visits there... ...and I'd hope you would then ask me similar questions about me. And I'd tell you how I decided to pack up and relocate from the midwest to San Francisco after spending time there traveling for work... That's how people get to know each other on dates.
Author PhillyDude Posted November 5, 2011 Author Posted November 5, 2011 I'm not sure I understand why the question makes you uncomfortable. What you wrote is the answer to the question, and there's no reason you should be uncomfortable about saying that. I've asked the question on dates in the past. It's one way to see if the guy has any dreams for his life, things he'd like to do...that's fun date talk. I'd probably follow up that question with "what do you like about south jersey?" and then you could talk about whatever it is that attracts you to it, any fun memories you have of visits there... ...and I'd hope you would then ask me similar questions about me. And I'd tell you how I decided to pack up and relocate from the midwest to San Francisco after spending time there traveling for work... That's how people get to know each other on dates. It just sounds like.........."What city should we start shopping for our house?"
jerbear Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 women in philly put the J in judgmental. Oh yeah! "Do you want to live in your local city all your life?" Where the hell do these questions come from?-lol Why have a discussion like that when you both are in the same area and you are just meeting? I get this question all the time even when both people own homes. The main idea is they want to know what you where you want to be in the future. There are people who want to stay local and never left the city. There are others that live to move around. The problem with Philly is, it really is stuck in between NYC and DC. South Jersey is south Jersey and a suburb of Philly. ...and I'd hope you would then ask me similar questions about me. And I'd tell you how I decided to pack up and relocate from the midwest to San Francisco after spending time there traveling for work... That's how people get to know each other on dates. Yelp. That is how you find out about people. You'll find out if they travel and have been there. A conversation starts and you never know. You might get the answer that you are looking for. Like I've visited San Fran and other parts of CA, love it and want to move there. Hypothetically, if you were nearby you probably would like to hear that.
xxoo Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 The problem with Philly is, it really is stuck in between NYC and DC. See, I think that's one of the great things about Philly! PhillyDude, why do you read so much into the questions women ask? They are trying to get to know you, not judge you or control you.
Author PhillyDude Posted November 5, 2011 Author Posted November 5, 2011 See, I think that's one of the great things about Philly! PhillyDude, why do you read so much into the questions women ask? They are trying to get to know you, not judge you or control you. Because I like to talk about what's happening right now not in the future. Ask me stuff like What movie have you seen this year? What's your favorite current TV show? How do you buy you music now? Are you a fan of the new iphones or any latest technology what new foods are you interested in trying? See how that would make for a interesting discussion? The questions below sounds like someone is DESPERATE for a man so do you have kids do you want kids do you see yourself married one day you want to stay in philly all your life where do you see yourself in 5 years
Cee Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 I see what you are getting at, but remember this is Philadelphia. I was born in this city and love it, but it's also depressing here. The unemployment is really high and bars/clubs close at 2 pm. And we live in the shadow of NYC. None of my friends stayed in Philly. We all left including me. I lived in Chicago for 5 years and then came back. People leaving Philly is so commonplace. I try not to get attached to people because they relocate. So when people ask if you are relocating, maybe they worry that you'll leave them for a "better city" like NYC, LA, Chicago, whatever. I'd cut women slack on this. And ask questions to find out how much they love Philly. Maybe they love it so much, they don't want to leave.
xxoo Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 Because I like to talk about what's happening right now not in the future. Ask me stuff like What movie have you seen this year? What's your favorite current TV show? How do you buy you music now? Are you a fan of the new iphones or any latest technology what new foods are you interested in trying? See how that would make for a interesting discussion? The questions below sounds like someone is DESPERATE for a man so do you have kids do you want kids do you see yourself married one day you want to stay in philly all your life where do you see yourself in 5 years No, I don't see what you mean at all. The first questions seem mostly surface. The second set is deeper. You seem hypersensitive to any deep questions. Why? Asking deep questions doesn't make her desperate. It makes her discerning. She knows what she wants (a serious relationship), and she wants to choose wisely. What is wrong with that?
norajane Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 It just sounds like.........."What city should we start shopping for our house?" To you it sounds like that because you are...what? It's not like you are signing up for anything if you let her know what you are thinking for your future. What are you afraid of? That she will reject you if you are honest? Other people just consider it making conversation and getting to know each other on a date.
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