Lexygirl Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 I'm not going into detail about my situation here again but I do have a general question for anyone who wants to weigh in... What do you consider as neglect in a marriage? Thanks
Feelin Frisky Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 That's a big subject. There's just stupidity and there's also willful neglect. Stupidity can be worked on a lot easier than willful neglect. You can explain to you husband for instance that because his dirty underwear disappears from the floor in the bathroom and manages to wind up cleaned and folded in his chest of drawers, that it was god or his mother who performed that miracle and it could cease happening any day unless he cleans up after himself. But seriously folks, most neglect is really just of the ignorant or "stupid" variety where people just haven't ever learned that happiness in a relationship demands being considerate and working to overcome short-falls. I'm single in most part because I blundered into my LTRs and got involved with not just "ignorant" partners but contentious ones that would draw their own conclusions rather than communicate with me directly and take my efforts to communicate directly as "confrontations" when they weren't meant to be. I don't think my experience is all that unusual as society is NEGLECTFUL in leading children and young people to take social development as serious or more serious than simple knowledge development. But then again, generation after generation does not know that they even are products of a neglectful system and have no idea that something is wrong or could be that much better. The country and the world would change so positively were social development to become embraced and formalized (rather than continuing to hold up "competition" as the be all and end all, which it is certainly not).
AlexisMacabre Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 i can say the worst neglect would be them never paying attention to you, never taking you out on dates or dinner, then never talking to you, them never acknowledging you are even there, i guess to me thats what neglect is.
D-Lish Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 For me, in my former marriage, neglect meant never being in physical proximity of me for more than 8 days a month.... Sometimes 4 days a month. He worked in consulting, and was never home, ever. I remember when 9/11 happened and he was in the vicinity of NYC- I couldn't get him on the phone for hours and when I finally did, I asked him to come home. He just said he couldn't- he had to keep working. He had boat loads of money, he could have taken a couple of days off to come home and it wouldn't have made a difference in our bank account.... He was married to his job, not me. I considered that neglect.
freestyle Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 If there is a consistent pattern of one spouse making the other spouse feel like they're at the bottom of the priority list (as if they've been demoted to the "B-list") then I would call that neglect. If there's always something , or someone else more important........and it's ongoing, rather than situational..........then it's neglect.
Author Lexygirl Posted November 5, 2011 Author Posted November 5, 2011 If there is a consistent pattern of one spouse making the other spouse feel like they're at the bottom of the priority list (as if they've been demoted to the "B-list") then I would call that neglect. If there's always something , or someone else more important........and it's ongoing, rather than situational..........then it's neglect. Agreed!!!!!!
Author Lexygirl Posted November 5, 2011 Author Posted November 5, 2011 Frisky, Alexis, D-Lish and Freestyle, thank you so much for you input. Makes alot of sense.
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