They broke your heart and yet they're the ones that can't be Civil?

[MIK1000]

I really need some feed back and maybe some similar stories/experiences guys.

 

I was had my heart broken by my GF of over a year (We're both young, me 20 her 19) while she was away in america for the summer. She left me after an argument over her not being in contact enough and then started with another guy from her camp only a few weeks later. I go NC. She arrived home a few weeks after that in a LD relationship with the boy from her camp. The only contact I got from when she got home was a drunk text at 2 in the morning saying "Hi How are you?" to which I just replied "Fine thanks".

 

That was almost two months ago, then this monday passed, I get a text from her saying "Do you want your game cube back?" Now a game cube is an extremely old games console of no value today which I lent to her so she could play an old game she liked. It is so insignificant and I had completely forgot I gave it to her and so it seemed like an obvious attempt of her trying to break NC or find an excuse to see me.

 

I didn't want it back but I had to ask my brother because it was his (he's a bit of a nintendo geek) and he wanted it back and so I arranged to meet her at the street corner between where both our streets meet. I was preparing myself for being civil, polite just to make it look like I'd moved on. I presumed she would try and make some small talk.

 

Tonight I went to meet her, I approached her with my head down, looked up and said Hi, she literally handed it to me then turned around and walked away.

 

It felt horrible. Why the hell does she get to be rude to me when she's the one that screwed me over? Do exes do this as a way of dealing with their guilt? Or is it a ploy to get me to freak out because the NC was bugging her?

[ladyravenloft]

I think they do because it either soothes their guilty conscience or because it still shows them that they have power over you because they are able to still hurt you.

[Sugarkane]

I can complete relate to where you're coming from. I don't know how in the world proe stay friends with exes, when they behave in this way. I hate it how we're the dumpees, but yet they act out.

[HappyFlower]

That was really harsh of her

 

If you want a similar story - my ex (broke up 2 months, NC almost 2 weeks) sent back some stuff I'd asked for. He said all along he wanted to stay friends. Sent this stuff minus some artwork I did on our last holiday. When I text to say the parcel arrived (this was before NC), he text back "do you see your art was missing? Thats because I have kept it. Why? Because I choose to". When I asked why he wanted it, he said "why are you still texting me?" I have not contacted him since...and I actually don't want to

 

I think in a weird way it makes them feel good, or justified in leaving, I don't know. But turn it around on them, and when you feel a day of NC that you want to contect them, think of what they were like last time you spoke

[MIK1000]

That was really harsh of her

 

If you want a similar story - my ex (broke up 2 months, NC almost 2 weeks) sent back some stuff I'd asked for. He said all along he wanted to stay friends. Sent this stuff minus some artwork I did on our last holiday. When I text to say the parcel arrived (this was before NC), he text back "do you see your art was missing? Thats because I have kept it. Why? Because I choose to". When I asked why he wanted it, he said "why are you still texting me?" I have not contacted him since...and I actually don't want to

 

I think in a weird way it makes them feel good, or justified in leaving, I don't know. But turn it around on them, and when you feel a day of NC that you want to contect them, think of what they were like last time you spoke

 

I think I've read that from you before, that certainly shows that they're not handling it well more than anything.

 

My friend has told me that she's doing it because she's pissed off that I've been NC and she either wants a reaction out of me, e.g "why did u act so rude?" or she wants me to be mean to her to make her feel less guilty.

 

Is this just friends trying to make us feel better?

[HappyFlower]

I think I've read that from you before, that certainly shows that they're not handling it well more than anything.

 

My friend has told me that she's doing it because she's pissed off that I've been NC and she either wants a reaction out of me, e.g "why did u act so rude?" or she wants me to be mean to her to make her feel less guilty.

 

Is this just friends trying to make us feel better?

 

LOL maybe, I put a post up in another forum on it a couple of weeks ago Yeah, and it shows it more than I think they would like.

 

Maybe she just handed it to you and walked off as kind of her own version of NC - maybe to 'get you back' for not talking to her? Tho I don't get how she can be pissed that you've not contacted her - she's not text you either

 

No, I think the staying friends thing makes them feel better, not us. They believe that by keeping us around they are doing us some kind of favour, letting us down easy etc. It also gives them something to tell the next gf/bf - my exbf was very proud of the fact that he'd 'stayed friends' with all his exes...actually I have found he just likes to say this, and makes to attempt to actually stay friends.

[MIK1000]

I guess she mainly wanted you to freak out..the "let him feel what kind of power I still have" kind of thing. It happened to me alot aswell with one of my ex-gfs until I stopped reacting the way she expected me to do.

 

It still saddens me a bit..after all you've spent countless beautiful hours with that person (hopefully)..so I'd rather say "Thank you" for the time spent together instead of behaving like that.

 

And Congrats on getting that Gamecube back, Dude! It's one hell of a console, still remembering playin Super Smash Bros all day long with my friends..those were the days.

 

 

 

Tom

 

That's the worst part, it saddens me so much that two people who shared such beautiful friendship at one time and seemed to care for each other as much as two young people could do, can't even speak or act civil to each other.

 

Like you say, she'll keep doing these things to try and freak me out. I'm glad I didn't bite, even though I really wanted to scream at her while she walked away.

 

Also, I got picked up by my friend last night and just as we drove to the bottom of the street, my ex is walking past the car with none other than her new guy who must be up again for the weekend (i have no idea how he is managing to afford the journey up every second weekend. I nearly lost it, I opened the car door and stood up to go and confront them, then I made myself sit down and shut the door, I don't know where I got the self control from, I could have ruined everything I'd worked for in one crazy moment. So glad I restrained myself and luckily they didn't even notice I was in the car, or me opening the door.

[MIK1000]

LOL maybe, I put a post up in another forum on it a couple of weeks ago Yeah, and it shows it more than I think they would like.

 

Maybe she just handed it to you and walked off as kind of her own version of NC - maybe to 'get you back' for not talking to her? Tho I don't get how she can be pissed that you've not contacted her - she's not text you either

 

No, I think the staying friends thing makes them feel better, not us. They believe that by keeping us around they are doing us some kind of favour, letting us down easy etc. It also gives them something to tell the next gf/bf - my exbf was very proud of the fact that he'd 'stayed friends' with all his exes...actually I have found he just likes to say this, and makes to attempt to actually stay friends.

 

I think u posted it on this forum just in another thread.

 

i think she is annoyed i've not contacted her, just because she's so immature. I didn't mean about being with friends with her sorry, I meant to say wether or not my friends were telling me she was doing this to get a reaction just to comfort me when actually she was doing it just because she didn't care about me. x

[betterdeal]

My interpretation of that, if it happened to me, would be that she misses me and used the gamecube as an excuse to see me again. Then when she saw me, she freaked / panicked a bit and acted aloof to hide her feelings. My rationale being, she has eyes, and I'm me (and all the great things about me) therefore of course she misses me.

 

A bit more self-confidence will do you the world of good, young man.

[MIK1000]

My interpretation of that, if it happened to me, would be that she misses me and used the gamecube as an excuse to see me again. Then when she saw me, she freaked / panicked a bit and acted aloof to hide her feelings. My rationale being, she has eyes, and I'm me (and all the great things about me) therefore of course she misses me.

 

A bit more self-confidence will do you the world of good, young man.

 

Would that really be your opinion or just to make you/me feel better. I don't want to give myself the impression that she misses me because then I start thinking that she is eventually going to want me back and that makes me feel good but hurts more when I see her with her guy, or hear that he's up for the weekend.

[betterdeal]

It's 100% what I'd believe. Actions speak louder than words and she went out of her way to see you. Bear in mind missing someone and wanting to get back together are two different things. What matters is what you want. Do you want her back? Be honest with yourself.

[kaycstamper]

It's pretty amazing isn't it, but I think they feel guilty is why they act that way.

[MIK1000]

It's 100% what I'd believe. Actions speak louder than words and she went out of her way to see you. Bear in mind missing someone and wanting to get back together are two different things. What matters is what you want. Do you want her back? Be honest with yourself.

 

Honestly? I change my mind a lot but I think I'm at the stage where if I took her back, it would have to a while down the line, I wouldn't jump back in with her. But I think there's a chance i would never feel the same about her and if the opportunity was given to me to get back with her, i might not want it (The whole you want what you can't get then you get it and you don't want it).

[betterdeal]

Sure, we all know that feeling. You're sacked! I resign! sort of thing. Your actions said something too - you went along but you were head down and quiet, right? What does that say to you? Pay attention to your own feelings.

[MIK1000]

Sure, we all know that feeling. You're sacked! I resign! sort of thing. Your actions said something too - you went along but you were head down and quiet, right? What does that say to you? Pay attention to your own feelings.

 

Yeh, I shouldn't have approached with my head down, that made me look nervous I suppose. I hate the awkwardness of when someone is approaching me to be fair, never mind my ex gf whom last time I saw her was crying in my arms because she was leaving for the summer, 5 months ago.

[betterdeal]

Banish "shouldn't" from your vocabulary. It means "didn't" and it's far better to deal with reality than some guilt or regret inspired fantasy world.

 

The best you can do is turn a "didn't" into a "can". You didn't approach with your head held high because ...... but in a similar situation in the future you can approach with your head held high because ......

 

This is all about self-confidence, honestly.

[MIK1000]

Banish "shouldn't" from your vocabulary. It means "didn't" and it's far better to deal with reality than some guilt or regret inspired fantasy world.

 

The best you can do is turn a "didn't" into a "can". You didn't approach with your head held high because ...... but in a similar situation in the future you can approach with your head held high because ......

 

This is all about self-confidence, honestly.

 

You're right. Thanks

[MIK1000]

Sorry to bump this again but I've sort of had another theory as to why she acted like this.

 

When she texted me first about the game cube, it was monday and I said i couldn't meet her to get it that night. Maybe she was missing me that day/I was playing on her mind.

 

5 days pass until friday when I said I could meet her to get it. She didn't say anything and was rude.

 

It was saturday when I saw her and her new LD bf together. He would have arrived on the friday to stay at hers, either before or not long after I met her to get the game cube. Maybe once he arrived, she felt guilty to him about meeting/texting me, or that he was just about to arrive and thus act cold to me just to try.

[betterdeal]

There's only one person who can tell you why she did anything. I know it nags at you like Hell, but you have to accept that when you met you were both pretty unreceptive to one another. That is what your relationship with her is now: Unreceptive. You don't like her right now.

 

I found it helped to accept I'd have these thoughts, but a part of me sat back and just let them happen, instead of getting lost in them. There's a million and more things you'll never know; and you probably have hundreds, thousands of thoughts every day that you just forget or forget. Many of them will be things like "can I smell shepherd's pie?" These thoughts about her are no different. Seriously. You associating them with deep feelings is what makes you hold onto them. But they are just thoughts.

 

Can you think of your earliest happy memory from when you were a young child? What does it feel like when you think about that?

[MIK1000]

There's only one person who can tell you why she did anything. I know it nags at you like Hell, but you have to accept that when you met you were both pretty unreceptive to one another. That is what your relationship with her is now: Unreceptive. You don't like her right now.

 

I found it helped to accept I'd have these thoughts, but a part of me sat back and just let them happen, instead of getting lost in them. There's a million and more things you'll never know; and you probably have hundreds, thousands of thoughts every day that you just forget or forget. Many of them will be things like "can I smell shepherd's pie?" These thoughts about her are no different. Seriously. You associating them with deep feelings is what makes you hold onto them. But they are just thoughts.

 

Can you think of your earliest happy memory from when you were a young child? What does it feel like when you think about that?

 

 

I see what you mean. This whole thing really has messed with my head though. All of a sudden, these past two days I've been missing her really badly and wanting her back/imagining her coming back like it's a sure thing she will. It's not a healthy state to be in and I don't know why it has sprung on me.

 

The only comfort I have that I didn't before is that after the game cube carry on, I know I'm still on her mind where as i was worried she had completely forgotten about me. But now I feel like waiting out the demise of her new long distance relationship which is another step backwards.

 

I need to keep myself busy the next few days and hopefully I'll get back to where I was. I've been inactive today and yesterday which won't have helped matters at all.

[betterdeal]

Yes, exercise is great for you after a break up. Takes your mind off it and releases lots of happy hormones. An interested thing I was reading somewhere else on this site is that putting a patch on your right eye can help you stop having these thoughts. Have a read of the thread if you're interested.

 

Talking of exercise, I'm off to the gym now to get a dose of happy hormones ...